Did Your Graduate Successfully Transition from Childhood to Adulthood
By: Christine Hammond LMHC
For many,
high school graduation day rightly marks a transition from childhood to
adulthood. No longer acting like a child, this new adult is properly equipped
to embrace life and move forward with excitement and determination.
Unfortunately, too many graduates fail to make this shift and thus drag out the
transition well into their twenties.
Not all of
this is the graduate’s fault. Parents who don’t want their children to grow up
frequently fail to teach the basics of life, refuse to allow them to fail,
rescue too early, overindulge their wants, and coddle their child. Society, in
turn, creates an atmosphere of plodding, declaring that there is plenty of time
to grow up later. Now is the time to enjoy life and postpone responsibility.
But this philosophy has its downfall.
According
to Erik Erikson’s Eight Stages of Psychosocial Development, this transition
period is a shift from the fifth stage, Role Identity vs. Role Confusion, to
the sixth stage, Intimacy vs. Isolation. A positive outcome of the fifth stage
means a person has a strong sense of who they are and how they fit in this
world. This realization is a necessary foundation for developing true intimacy
with another person. Unless a person knows themselves, they cannot connect
deeply with another. A postponement of this state cuts into the next one which
decreases the work productivity timeline.
But there
are more elements incorporated into a full understanding of who a person is.
Here are a few other necessary transitions.
1. Irresponsibility to Responsibility. Rightfully so,
childhood is littered with irresponsible events, relationships, and behaviors.
Successful transitioning from these occurrences means a person has accepted
responsibility for their error, learned from their mistake, and is engaged in
doing things different going forward. Legally, at 18 years old, a person is
treated as an adult and is fully responsible for their actions. As long as
there are others treating the graduate as a child, they will continue to behave
as one.
2. Knowledge to Understanding. It is one thing to have
vast knowledge about a variety of subjects; it is quite another thing to know
what to do with that information. Transitioning to the next phase involves
developing a sense of discernment of when and where to share their experience,
education, and new expertise. This is not something that is taught, rather
experience and a willingness to engage in uncomfortable subjects is the best
instructor.
3. Dependence to Independence. Children must be
dependent on their parents and others in order to survive. But as a person
moves into adulthood, this shift must change to independence, more
specifically, independent thinking. It is a self-governing of sorts where the
new adult becomes autonomous and self-reliant. As with any new stage, things
are frequently rocky and extreme at first, but given time, a more balanced
approach emerges.
4. Others Motivated to Self-Motivated. Most children need
others to motivate them to do the things they need to do but do not want to do.
As this transition progresses, the new adult should become self-motivated
instead. It is tempting for parents to continue motivating their new adult but
this postpones the transition. Life itself must be an adequate motivator;
otherwise, there is a constant state of dependence on others.
5. Ambiguity to Conviction. The “whatever” comments of childhood
transform into issues and values that help to define a person’s character and
morality. These principles become guideposts of individuality and further
define passions and purpose. Without this necessary phase, a person zig-zags
through life in an unfocused manner wasting valuable time and energy. Again, at
the beginning of this transformation, things look rough but a new adult must
work through the process so they can come out successfully on the other side.
6. Ignorance to Awareness. The number of stories I have heard of
young adults being taken advantage of sexually, physically, emotionally,
financially, and mentally is frightening. Part of this is due to parents who
won’t allow their child to experience some of the real world. And the other
part is due to children who believe that they are too smart to be manipulated.
Successfully navigating this phase means learning from other’s mistakes and
making an effort to avoid traps of deception.
Successfully
completing these six transitions allows a person to live up to their adult
potential. Every child has dreams of accomplishing things as an adult. But
unless these conversions are accomplished, those dreams will remain as such and
not become their reality.
To schedule an appointment with Christine Hammond, please
call our office at 407-647-7005.