Has Your Sex Life Changed After Years of Marriage?
By: Christine Hammond, LMHC
Has your sex life changed after years of marriage? Are you struggling with
mismatched sex drives? Sometimes the
solution is right in front of you.
Take a moment go over to lamp and unplug the cord from the
electrical outlet. Does the light go
off? Of course it does, now plug it back
in. The energy created between the
connection of the outlet and the plug causes the light to go back on. The outlet by itself cannot cause the light
to go on any more than the plug by itself.
Both parts are needed to generate the electrical current.
The plug fills an opening in the outlet just as the outlet
receives the plug. Sex works in the same
manner: a husband fills his wife just as the wife receives her husband. The connection between the two generates
powerful energy and excitement. But this
energy and excitement is not just reserved for sex, it can be generated in
everyday life as well. By focusing on
your own role of either filling or receiving, you can generate greater sexual
desire in your spouse.
Husbands. Your role
of filling your wife with love doesn’t begin and end in the bedroom. Rather it is an everyday effort. Know your spouse, study her, ask questions
and be observant as to when she gets excited.
Just as you have changed over the course of your marriage, she too has
changed and new insights are constantly needed.
Here are a couple of practical suggestions to get you started.
·
Fill her with kind words. Encourage her daily. Be gentle in your tone of speech. Defend her.
Don’t be pushy. Ask forgiveness
for any harsh words or name calling.
·
Fill her with help. Clean the kitchen without being asked. Help the kids with homework. Put in a load of laundry. Complete whatever project she asked you to do
ages ago.
·
Fill her with time. Spend one-on-one time with her. Turn off the TV, computer, all electronic
devices and devote the time for just her.
Take a walk. Go to dinner. Make her a priority.
·
Fill her with gentle touch. Reach for her hand when you are walking. Greet her with a kiss. Be intentional about giving her a quality hug
daily. Never force unwanted touch.
·
Fill her with gestures. Make her coffee in the morning. Give her flowers for no reason. Surprise her with a gift card just for her. Give out of generosity not manipulation.
Wives. Your role of
receiving your husband with openness doesn’t begin and end in the bedroom
either. It too is an everyday
effort. Receiving with openness is
showing respect for your husband, as this is reserved for him and him
alone. Just because you believe you are
being respectful, does not mean he agrees.
Pay attention to how he defines respect.
Here are a couple of practical suggestions.
·
Receive him with affirmation. Acknowledge the role he plays as provider and
be intentional about showing gratitude.
Be satisfied with what he brings home.
Affirm his role as a leader.
Don’t belittle.
·
Receive him with assistance. Find ways to help him that he
appreciates. Don’t decide for him,
ask. Come alongside him and assist
without telling him how to do it better.
·
Receive him with attention. Reserve some time for just him. Let him know that he is special to you and
deserves some of your time. Don’t give
him the leftovers of your day.
·
Receive him with affection. Treat him better than your best friend. Be friendly and warm towards his
gestures. Reach out and grab his hand
for a change or give him a kiss for no reason.
·
Receive him with awards. Honor him in how you speak about him to
others. Reward him with a special
meal. Give him a present out of the
blue. Treat him as “Husband of the
Year”.
Of course, there are acceptations to every rule. If your relationship has become abusive, this
advice is not for you. Get some help and
set firm boundaries, your safety is a priority.
Another word of caution:
make sure you are focusing on YOUR part and not what your spouse is and
isn’t doing. You are responsible for
your actions, behaviors, thoughts, and emotions, not your spouse. When you focus on filling or receiving and
your spouse responds likewise, beautiful energy is created and rejuvenated
everyday.