The Lifeworks Group, Inc.

A relationship strengthening guide for intimate connections By: Dwight Bain LMHC  Can a stuffed animal with a romantic message solve a relationship problem? Nope. Neither can a trip to the jewelry store, boxes of chocolate, sappy cards, balloons or vases of expensive flowers… none of these can fix a distant, damaged or dying relationship. But the VASE can.   Let me explain why. Relationships take work. There is no easy way to achieve closeness and connection on an intimate level without time, talking and gentle touch. It can’t be done. We’ve all seen the commercials about a couple having a romantic exchange in a restaurant as the waiter brings them a special dessert with a diamond ring attached to a note that says, “ Marry me”.   But as a counselor of more than 30 years I can tell you if that couple were distant or detached from each other before they got to the restaurant the jewelry would only be a shiny trinket that didn’t repair hurt, selfishne...

By: Christine Hammond, LMHC Has your sex life changed after years of marriage?   Are y ou struggling with mismatched sex drives?   Sometimes the solution is right in front of you. Take a moment go over to lamp and unplug the cord from the electrical outlet.   Does the light go off?   Of course it does, now plug it back in.   The energy created between the connection of the outlet and the plug causes the light to go back on.   The outlet by itself cannot cause the light to go on any more than the plug by itself.   Both parts are needed to generate the electrical current. The plug fills an opening in the outlet just as the outlet receives the plug.   Sex works in the same manner: a husband fills his wife just as the wife receives her husband.   The connection between the two generates powerful energy and excitement.   But this energy and excitement is not just reserved for sex, it can be generated in everyday life as well. ...

By Chris Hammond, MS, IMH Have you ever experienced this? You are in the middle of explaining a problem to your spouse and instead of listening to what you are saying, they are picking apart the most ridiculously details. Frustrated, you try to answer and return back to the problem but they are so stuck on the wrong word you used or your tone of voice that you don’t even want to continue. So instead of having another argument, you decide to shut down and keep your comments to yourself. Now you have another problem on top of the original problem and so it builds until you just want to explode. While there is nothing wrong with deciding not to argue about semantics, not voicing your opinion can breed resentment which turns into anger and eventually bitterness. So what can you do? Instead of replaying the argument over and over from your perspective, try to replay the argument as if you were a third party looking from the outside. Then evaluate the situation with these points in mi...

By Dwight Bain, Nationally Certified Counselor & Certified Life Coach Why do so many people lose love and sex while losing their marriage? Research shows many different factors that lead to relationship failure but let’s make it personal and explore some hidden reasons that move couples from ‘happy ever after’ to over to shattered dreams and hatred. Jessica and Phillip have been dating six months. They spend long nights together talking about how good things are for them. It feels like they have shared their entire life’s history with each other, so Phillip eventually asks Jessica to marry him. They feel so “in love”, that she instantly says “yes”! Soon they are off to see their pastor for premarital counseling. They discuss finances, children, careers, houses, and in-laws as they map out what it would be like as they begin their lifetime together. One summer day they stand before God and their friends in a little church to say “I do”. Ironically, less than a year later they were i...

By Linda Riley, LMFT and Certified Sex Therapist Stories of trauma and pain are part of my normal day as a therapist. I hear about hurt that starts in early childhood for some and continuing throughout life for others. Have you ever wondered how early childhood pain or trauma affect ones capacity to love? And to those who have been seriously hurt, is it possible to be so damaged emotionally that you actually can't love again? To start answering that important question, let's look at the research. There seems to be a significant increase in the number of people in our culture who exhibit narcissistic personality traits. They learn to deal with their hurt by over loving themselves. While there may be a difference between traits of a narcissistic personality and full fledged narcissistic personality disorder, it is getting harder to diagnose and distinguish. When I was a graduate student narcissistic personality disorder was commonly believed to be present in only about 1 % of the...

by Dwight Bain, Nationally Certified Counselor & Certified Family Law Mediator Have you ever wondered why so many couples are crazy in love and can't wait to get together, and then drive each other crazy and can't wait to split up? I sure have and developed some key factors to use in tracking marital connection or marital conflict. Below are the most common factors that can lead to marital crisis. As you read through this list, think about your relationship or perhaps the relationship of your friends and co-workers. Get real- get honest because the future success and fulfillment of your marriage is at stake. Once you identify key areas that need attention then you can focus on the importance of working through those issues now so you can find peace and intimate connection instead of the risk of growing distance which can lead to a miserable life or even divorce. Financial & Career -Conflict over spending issues (unresolved spending conflict can linger for years) -Exce...

By Dwight Bain, Nationally Certified Counselor & Certified Life Coach A dad loses a job. A family spits up through divorce. A drunk driver crashes into a mini-van and a mom is left in a coma. A natural disaster or foreclosure forces a family into the sad situation of having to leave a neighborhood and home behind. There are dozens of complex situations that affect families every day, yet often the emotional pain lasts for years in the hearts and minds of the kids who go through tough times. When children are exposed to high levels of stress they can struggle in four primary areas which reflect their parent’s pain. Think of the four points of a compass and you can gain a sense of how kids carry their parent’s pain- over-perform, under-perform, blowing up or blowing in. Here’s a quick over-view of these four primary factors to help you identify the warning signs and symptoms, as well as to know when to reach out and seek help for your child. Over-Performers This group takes the h...

Restoring a Marriage Ravaged by Infidelity By: Aaron Welch, LMHC, NCC, CSOTS Carrie Underwood, former American Idol winner and now-famous country singer made a fortune off her hit, “Before He Cheats”, describing her violent and destructive reaction to discovering her man at a bar with another woman. She speculates about how he is wooing this other woman while she, herself, slashes his truck tires, busts out his headlights, and basically destroys his prized pickup. Apparently, this song struck a chord with America. The song rocked the music charts, stayed #1 for 5 weeks, and won the People’s Choice award in 2007 for “favorite country music song”. Infidelity in marriage has always been a major problem. In ancient days and in some cultures it was accepted as the norm….even expected…that a husband would take a lover in addition to his wife. Of course, that attitude has changed in our society and in our time but infidelity continues to be prevalent, wreaking havoc on thous...

Warning Signs of Cheating Partners These are the most common signs of a partner who has detached from you because they are attached to someone else. Check off any of these traits you have seen in your relationship over the last 6 – 12 months. Be honest, the future of your relationship together could depend on it. Spiritual ____ You find your partner has been lying to you about a variety of topics ____ Your partner abandons their religious belief system ____ Your spouse seems more secretive or deceptive ____ Abandoning faith or previously held values or morals ____ Not trustworthy or constant violations of trust ____ Secrecy or unusual activity that is very out of character for them ____ Your partner is disrespectful or rude to those who hold traditional values Behavioral ____ Mate is working longer hours on the job and not coming home as much ____ Your spouse has become lazy, especially with household responsibilities ____ Working late every day, with no noticeable incre...