Understanding Passive Aggressive Personality Trait
By: Christine Hammond, LMHC
Most likely you have heard the term “passive-aggressive
anger” which is a person who gets angry but doesn’t show it right away and
instead stabs you in the back later.
While the experience hurts, you are not likely to forget the
passive-aggressive approach. Now take
this concept and expand it to not just one emotion of anger but in nearly every
aspect of a person’s personality. This
is passive aggressive where blame is shifted from them to you and no
responsibility or accountability is taken by them.
So what is Passive Aggressive? Well, according to the new DSM-V, passive
aggressive did not make the final personality disorder cut and instead is
classified under Personality Disorder Trait Specified (PDTS). This means that there was not enough research
to properly classify passive aggressive as having a named personality disorder
but there is evidence enough that it does exist. So the traits of passive aggressive are still
classifiable and qualify as a PDTS. Here
is the technical definition based on the new classification:
·
Hostility
·
Depressivity
The practical definition looks
more like this:
·
Acts sullen
·
Avoids responsibility by claiming forgetfulness
·
Inefficient on purpose
·
Blames others
·
Complains
·
Feels resentment
·
Has unexpressed anger
·
Procrastinates
·
Resists suggestions
The movie
“Bride Wars” featured two main characters who displayed some passive aggressive
traits in a humorous setting. But the
main character Emma took passive aggressive to a personality level where she
had issues in several areas of her life of putting things off, getting back at
her friend in an underhanded way, intentionally being inefficient, and being
resentful.
So how do you deal with a person
who might be passive aggressive? Here
are a few suggestions:
·
They can be very angry and you will not know it until
it is too late and they are stabbing you in the back. So be on guard.
·
This personality is not immature behavior
although the behavior does look immature.
Rather their behavior is a personality issue and they will not outgrow
it.
·
Eventually they will comply to wishes, demands,
or expectations but it will be late and seem almost rebellious in nature.
·
When they get angry, they have a tendency to
sabotage whatever is going on. This is
your clue that something is wrong as they are not likely to communicate anger.
·
By contrast, they hate outward signs of anger
and routinely shut down when others are aggressive.
Perhaps the most frustrating aspect of passive aggressive is
that they seem like adult teenagers that you just want to shove into
reality. But they are not, this is not a
condition that goes away with time and experience usually does not change their
behavior. If you are in a relationship
with a passive aggressive, get some counsel to learn to better manage your
expectations and establish healthy boundaries for your protection.