A Red Head, A Blond, and A Brunette: What Do We Have In Common?
By: Elizabeth McKeehan, LMHC
1990 Basketball Homecoming
Content Warning: This article contains discussion of suicide
Suicide & Crisis Lifeline (Call or Text): 988
Three classmates, 30 years ago in a glamorous, albeit staged, high school photo, capture a carefree time in our lives where the future was exciting and unknown. We never dreamed that suicide would be a tie to bind us. Holly Maupin, Holly Coleman, and I had been classmates for the previous 12 years leading up to this senior year picture. We lived in Princeton, KY, a small rural town in western Kentucky. Holly Maupin (red head) and I had the same angry 1st grade teacher, yet Holly’s motto was always to treat others like you want to be treated. She asked me one day in class, “Are you saved?” I wasn’t sure what she meant, so I had to ask more questions. She helped me to think as a 7 -year- old about death and life after death. She had depth, but also a light-hearted humor. She always made me and others laugh. Holly Coleman (brunette) challenged me throughout school to excel academically. I remember studying with her during recess at the swing set for the 5th grade spelling Bee. She won, and I was happy to be runner up. She was so smart!
In 1997 at the age of 25 Holly Maupin unexpectedly took her
life. In the 1990’s no one talked of
suicide. Sadly, we don’t know what
pushed her to make this irreversible decision.
She always seemed so happy, so full of life, so on top of her game. She was our Senior Class President, was in
the National Honor Society, was selected as Miss Royal Blue and Gold, was
extremely talented, and was a friend to everyone. She could lighten up a room simply by walking
into it. Holly cared deeply for others
and even stood up for them, but in the end she struggled to fight for
herself. She lost hope. Her death was a
complete shock to all of us.
My suicide tragedy came years later in 2014 when my husband Robert, a pastor for almost 18 years, decided to end his life at the age of 42. I was completely blind-sided. We had been married almost 18 years. Our last year of marriage was tumultuous and teetering, but I never thought suicide would have been an option for him. However, I did learn a few weeks after his death that he had been hiding an affair. This would have been taboo in his position and an end to his career. He knew that. I don’t know if it was the end to his affair that propelled him to end his life or if he feared our church finding out and all the people he would let down. The reality was, he was not open with me or others during this time. I think he felt trapped as if he had no other option but suicide. Now, six years later, I am still trying to process this awful end to the life of a man with so much humor, talent, passion, and even zeal for life. Suicide does that. It leaves you with unanswered questions.
One year later, in 2015, Holly Coleman joined this awful
club. Her younger brother Chris, one of
my younger brother’s good friends, took his life. He was well-known for his infectious smile,
jovial spirit, and genuine care for others.
He was denied relationships with his children, which eventually forced
him to seek solace from that pain in substance use. He hated that part of his life. He prayed, cried, sought rehabilitation
several times, and begged for a way out.
He fought with everything in him to rid himself of the addiction. Although he had attempted suicide several
years prior, he seemed in a good place.
He was clean and sober and had just celebrated his 40th birthday
surrounded by his family. They still
question how he could have been in such a dark place yet was able to hide it so
well from them. He too, saw no other
choice.
Holly M., Robert, and Chris carried deep burdens, fears, and pain. They kept it to themselves. They had smiles on the outside, but pain buried very deep. It held them hostage. They suffered in silence. They didn’t reach out for help. So what can we as friends or family do with loved ones suffering in silence? This is so hard when we don’t know what is going on in someone’s mind and heart. Death by suicide can happen to anyone. Still, we can be alert to clues or warning signs and listen without judgment taking their concerns seriously. We can encourage them to get professional help and not leave them alone. If there is any talk of hopelessness, purposelessness, or despair please talk with a mental health professional or dial 911.
The link below lists key risks and warning signs.
https://afsp.org/risk-factors-and-warning-signs
Fact: 54% of deaths by suicide did not have known mental health conditions.
See: https://www.psychiatry.org/patients-families/suicide-prevention
Know the Warning Signs
Depression, mood disorders or bi-polar disorder, alcoholism, substance use disorder, low social support, withdrawal from others, previous history of suicide attempts, family history of suicide, loss of relationship and hopelessness, holidays have increased suicides.
Ask the hard question if you know someone struggling with
depression or making statements about wanting to die. Ask directly, “Are you thinking about killing
yourself?”
It’s important to know that this does not put the idea in someone’s head. It provides someone the opportunity to talk about what might already be on their mind. Listen to their response without judgement. Stay calm. Don’t leave them alone. Get them help.
Suicide & Crisis Lifeline (Call or Text): 988
A special thank you to Holly Coleman Boggess and Carolyn Capps for their helpful input and permission to share these stories.
To schedule an appointment with Elizabeth McKeehan, LMHC
www.lifeworksgroup.org
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