Understanding Borderline Personality Disorder
By: Christine Hammond, LMHC
What does
“Borderline” mean? What are you a
borderline to? It is almost as if the
author of Borderline Personality Disorder (BPD) came up with the most confusing
name possible to express just how confusing it could be to deal with a
BPD. Whatever the reason, the name does
not describe the disorder as a BPD is not a borderline to anything. Rather it describes the almost daily “they
love me” or “they hate me” responses a BPD can display in a relationship.
So what is BPD? Here is the technical DSM-V definition:
·
Identity: Unstable self-image with excessive
self-criticism
·
Self-direction: Instability in goals or career plans
·
Empathy: Prone to feel slighted or insulted
even when not true
·
Intimacy: Relationships marked by mistrust,
neediness, and preoccupation with real or imagined abandonment
·
Emotional
liability: Unstable emotional
experiences and frequent mood changes
·
Anxiousness: Intense feelings of panic, feeling
fearful, fears of falling apart or losing control
·
Separation
Insecurity: Fears of rejection or
separation from significant others
·
Depressivity: Miserable, hopeless, thoughts of
suicide and suicidal behavior
·
Impulsivity: Acting on a momentary basis without a
plan or consideration of outcomes
·
Risk
Taking: Engagement in dangerous,
risky and self-damaging activities
·
Hostility: Anger or irritability in response to
minor slights and insults
The practical definition looks more like this:
·
Impulsive and risky behavior such as unsafe sex
or gambling sprees
·
Threatens and often does self-harming behavior
·
Wide mood swings
·
Short but intense episodes of anxiety or
depression
·
Inappropriate anger sometimes escalating into
physical fights
·
Difficulty controlling emotions
·
Suicide attempts
·
Feels misunderstood, neglected, alone, empty or
hopeless
·
Fears being alone
·
Feelings of self-hate
In real life, a BPD looks just like Winona
Ryder who played Susanna in “Girl, Interrupted”. Her parents were unable to help her following
a suicide attempt so she was placed in a mental institute. While this may or may not be the appropriate
course of action for a BPD, the trail of destructive relationships and the
large black cloud of doom and excessive drama that seems to follow them is very
much characteristic of a BPD. It is not
uncommon for a BPD to have a long list of people they no longer talk to for no
apparent reason.
So how do you deal with a person
who might have BPD? Here are a few
suggestions:
·
One minute you are their best friend and the
next you are the enemy, don’t trust either.
·
Establish and maintain firm unwavering
boundaries; they constantly push the envelope.
·
If you find yourself wanting to rescue them,
they are most likely a borderline.
·
They often play the victim to get others
involved, don’t.
·
They frequently have a black cloud of
destruction overhead; it is not your responsibility.
·
Remember the moon hung over the last person they
now dislike, now look where they are.
·
Because they are emotionally driven, use
emotions to convince them, don’t use logic.
·
Distraction works when all else fails.
True intimacy is hard for a BPD although on first glance
they may seem to be very intimate as they often open up right away divulging
what to everyone else would be a deep secret.
Don’t be fooled by the seduction of a close relationship as they pull
away when you get too close and then blame you for the reason they pulled
back. Get some help for this
relationship and set very firm boundaries.