Technology is hurting your kids – Here’s what to do about it

By Dwight Bain, LMHC

Families are being quietly dismantled by technology. Much of what we call ‘family time’ has been replaced by screen time and screen time pushes relationships apart. When you consider the massive amounts of time family members face screens, instead of face each another it is easy to understand why more screen time creates more conflict. Consider –

•  8 to 10 year olds are online or in front of a screen almost 8 hours a day. Those aged 11 to 18 spend more than 11 hours per day according to the American Academy of Pediatrics.
• Kids and teenagers ages 12 to 18 spend nearly two hours a day texting.

Perhaps the scariest trend about how technology is reshaping the family unit came from research conducted in partnership with the reThink Group and Barna Research Group (www.Barna.com) who discovered parents frequently are as dependent on their electronic devices as their kids. They found 49% of parents worry about technology and media wasting their children’s time, yet21% of youth say their parents have a “double standard when it comes to technology.” And one-sixth of these tweens and teens (17%) say their parents “bring their work home with them too much.”

* Parents are more likely than their tween and teen kids to use cell phones and desktop computers. They are just likely as their teens and tweens to use laptop computers and tablet devices.

* Parents watch just as much television and movies, use the Internet for as many minutes per day, and spend more time on the telephone and emailing than do their tween- and teen-aged children.

*Nearly half of both parents and teens said they emailed, texted or talked on the phone while eating in the last week.

*Two out of five youth and one-third of parents have used two or more screens simultaneously during this time period.

*Half of students and one-fifth of parents have checked email or text messages in bed in the last seven days.

* The technology and media-related tasks that young people do more often than their parents are listening to music, texting, and playing video games.

* Only 10% of parents and 6% of teenagers take off one day a week from digital usage.

Is your family blessed from the benefits of technology, or is your family being destroyed by it? That’s the question David Kinnaman, president of Barna Research Group asked when he said, “Technology is shaping family interactions in unprecedented ways, but we lack a strategic commitment to the stewardship of technology. The Christian community needs a better understanding of how to manage technological advances. Parents, tweens and teens need more coaching and input in order to face the countless choices they make regarding how technology affects their attention, interests, talents and resources.”

Researchers at San Diego State found that parents spend two to three hours per day with their kids and almost double that with technology. When family members are more connected to their screens than they are to each other, the family begins to suffer as the relationships slowly die from neglect. There is a better way.

How to fight back against the technology that erodes family connection?

Start with a media fast. This simple process is to put your smart phone in airplane mode to prevent being distracted. Then unplug from all social media for a period of days/weeks/months. You won’t die, but you will recapture a deep sense of inner peace as your brain learns to think without the constant stimulation of technology. The Boston Globe reported that the Chief Technology Officer of EBay sends his kids to a school where technology is totally banned and many employees of Google, Apple, Yahoo, and Hewlett-Packard do not allow their kids to have smart phones. Bill Gates only allowed his daughters on the Internet 45 minutes a day, including video games. He also didn’t permit a cell phone until they turned 13. 

(You can see the full article outlining how Silicon Valley creates technology for our kids, but has a double standard because they won’t allow their own children to use what they design because of the addictive nature of smart phone technology at)  http://www.boston.com/news/education/k_12/articles/2011/10/23/school_that_educates_the_children_of_silicon_valley_eschews_high_tech/

Next, limit your screen time to 100 minutes per day or less. The American Academy of Pediatrics suggest our kids and teens not have more than 120 minutes of screentime, (not counting homework; see the full pdf of recommendations at this link -  http://pediatrics.aappublications.org/content/132/5/958.full.pdf+html )

Review Internet viewing history and downloads. Parents need to open up the bedroom doors and have access to passwords of their sons and daughters. CBS News interviewed a pediatrician who said, “I guarantee you that if you have a 14-year-old who has an Internet connection in his bedroom, he is looking at pornography.”  http://www.cbsnews.com/news/pediatricians-urge-parents-to-limit-kids-screen-time/

Turn off Technology in the bedroom

Dr. Daniel Amen is a leading psychiatrist and brain researcher who recommends computers, TV’s, tablets, smart phones and other electronic devices be removed from the bedroom. This will deepen your sleep and prevent EMF (electromagnetic frequencies) from being absorbed into your body. EMF radiation damages healthy cells and is known to increase the risk of cancer which is why Dr. Amen has outlined a number of healthy patterns to get better sleep, while avoiding technology overload. You can find out more at https://www.amenclinics.com/blog/technology-is-creating-new-brain-disorders/

Finally, consider the ancient wisdom of Proverbs 3:3 and Proverbs 7:3 which share the common theme of replacing popular culture with scripture. Listen, “Let not mercy and truth forsake you; bind them around your neck, write them on the tablet of your heart, (Proverbs 3:3), and “Bind them on your fingers; write them on the tablet of your heart.”

Long before tablets were invented by men, God had outlined the importance of placing core values deep inside the “Tablet” of your heart. That advice of replacing culture with deeper character is even more true today.

Access a wealth of parenting resources to help protect your family from technology overload at - http://www.barna.com/wp-content/uploads/2019/01/Barna_The_Tech-Wise_Family_Challenge_Resources.pdf

About the author – Dwight Bain guides people in managing major change as an author, Nationally Certified Counselor and Certified Leadership Coach. He lives in Orlando with his wife, two kids and three cats. Follow him across all social media @DwightBain