30 Relationship Destroyers
By: Christine Hammond
LMHC
Have
you ever wondered what a therapist is thinking about while you talk about your
relationship woes? While I can’t speak for all therapists, I do look for
specific factors that can determine the success or failure in any relationship.
When an area is revealed, such as a pattern of lying, it needs to be
therapeutically addressed or the relationship will suffer. Successful
relationships identify these factors and eradicate them as soon as possible.
______1.
Pride: an unwillingness to admit
being wrong or apologize for mistakes.
______2.
Stubbornness: needing to be right all
the time even at the expense of your partner.
______3.
Selfishness: insisting that
everything be about you to the exclusion of a partner’s wants and needs.
______4.
Rigidity: refusing to change or
grow; being so stuck in your ways that your partner’s perception becomes
invalid.
______5.
Arrogance: thinking you are better
than your partner in intelligence, appearance, influence, or personality traits
and characteristics.
______6.
Dishonesty: not willing to tell the
truth; continuing pattern of lying about large and/or small matters.
______7.
Apathy: not caring enough to
confront, manage, or resolve issues.
______8.
Deception: intentionally hiding
the truth from your partner; being secretive.
______9.
Exploitation: taking advantage of your
partner to get your way regardless of the hurt it causes your partner.
______10.
Abuse: harming your partner
physically, mentally, emotionally, verbally, sexually, financially, and/or
spiritually.
______11.
Manipulation: twisting reality/truth
to get what you want.
______12.
Domination: viewing your partner as
inferior (not seeing them as on the same level as you), and viewing yourself as
superior.
______13.
Controlling: micromanaging your
partner’s thoughts, feelings, or actions; telling them how they should think,
feel or act.
______14.
Disrespect: talking down to your partner
or belittling them.
______15.
Money: putting money above the
relationship.
______16.
Bitterness: holding onto past hurts,
refusing to let things go, and reliving painful moments.
______17.
Addiction: making drugs, sex,
gambling, porn, alcohol, work or other substances the primary relationship.
______18.
Adultery: having emotional or
physical affairs with people outside of the relationship.
______19.
Depravity: doing immoral behavior
at the expense of your partner whether they are aware of it or not.
______20. Withholding: not willing to be intimate with partner,
withholding parts of self or sex.
______21.
Overreaction: your partner can be
worn out if you take everything too seriously or if you overreact to small
matters.
______22. Minimization: being dismissive of your partner’s concerns is
equally exhausting as overreacting to them.
______23. Punishment: unwilling to forgive your partner’s mistakes;
this is not about forgetting a mistake rather it is about not allowing the
mistake to be put aside.
______24. Intolerance: having no or little empathy for your partner.
______25.
Inflexible: resistance to
compromising and coming to some agreement.
______26. Jealousy: constantly worried about your partner’s
fidelity.
______27.
Impatience: insisting that things
happen immediately, not waiting for your partner’s timing.
______28. Nagging: nitpicking your partner apart over little things; done
slowly over a long period of time.
______29. Abandonment: leaving your partner without warning or explanation.
______30. Cruelty: blaming your partner for all errors, mistakes,
misunderstandings, and problems.
With
determination, persistence, and courage, any of these areas can be removed from
a relationship. It is never too late to do something better.
To schedule an
appointment with Christine Hammond,
Please call our office
at 407-647-7005.
www.lifeworksgroup.org
