The Dangers of Complaining – How Whining Harms Relationships
By: Dwight Bain LMHC
Ever hear your kids or partner whine about something? Did it
make you feel better or frustrated? My guess is it irritated you because
listening to somebody complain doesn’t help the relationship improve. In fact
it doesn’t help anyone improve and is an indicator of maturity. Listen to these
words of wisdom from a bumper sticker.
“The more you complain- the more you will find to complain
about.”
Whatever you focus on is what you get more of, so when you
move away from complaining and whining you can move toward finding something
better. It takes no more time to see the good side of life than to see the bad,
and when you make this switch it helps the relationship and even your health by
preventing energy loss.
Randy Pausch wrote about this energy drain in his book, “The
Last Lecture,” listen,
“If you took one-tenth the energy you put into complaining
and applied it to solving the problem, you'd be surprised by how well things
can work out... Complaining does not work as a strategy. We all have finite
time and energy. Any time we spend whining is unlikely to help us achieve our
goals. And it won't make us happier.”
Randy wrote these words while facing the greatest battle of
his life and a battle he would eventually lose to cancer in 2008 . He knew his
body would fail, but wanted his children and students to know what he believed
so he gave a “last lecture” and the lesson goes on a decade later. Randy was a
man who chose courage over complaining, (listen to the full message at
http://youtu.be/ji5_MqicxSo which has been viewed over 19 million times).
When you stop whining about what you want you can gain deep
insights from others who have faced terrible circumstances. Maya Angelou has a
story like that. As a single mom she knew what it was like to struggle to make
just enough money to feed her only child. When a coworker complained about how
‘bad’ things were she confronted the whining with these words,
“Sister, there are people who went to sleep all over the
world last night, poor and rich and white and black, but they will never wake
again. Sister, those who expected to rise did not, their beds became their
cooling boards, and their blankets became their winding sheets. And those dead
folks would give anything, anything at all for just five minutes of this
weather or ten minutes of that plowing that person was grumbling about. So you
watch yourself about complaining, Sister. What you're supposed to do when you
don't like a thing is change it. If you can't change it, change the way you
think about it. Don't complain.”
Stories are a powerful way to help the people in your life
move from complaining to facing the issue with courage. Listen and learn from
others to see how they managed the stress and pressure.
Biographies, videos and life lessons from an older family
member are all ways to put into practice the words of St. Paul who wrote these
challenging words over two thousand years ago, “Do everything without
complaining and arguing.” (Philippians 2:14) That wisdom works just as well
today and will turn your conversations into times of meaning, instead of times
to dread.
Ready to challenge the whiners in your family? Then start by
not whining yourself, listen to stories of people who overcame challenges and
then start to count your blessings. By the time you finish being grateful you
won’t even think about complaining. Ready for a challenge? Don’t complain for a
week. No whining. Not even a whimper. In a few days you will feel better, have
more energy and can bring joy to others. Ripple out gratitude and watch your
relationships thrive.
About the Author:
Dwight Bain is a Nationally Certified Counselor who guides
conversations toward positive change. Follow his social media posts on positive
change @DwightBain
To schedule an appointment with Dwight
Bain,
Please call our office at 407-647-7005.
www.lifeworksgroup.org