5 Types of People Who Are Naturally Attracted to Each Other
By: Christine Hammond LMHC
Every wonder what
causes an immediate attraction the first time two people meet? Sarah finally
discovered that she kept dating the same type of abusive person over and over.
Bill accidentally called his new girlfriend his mother in the middle of an
argument. Steven who was shy his whole life married a flamboyant salesperson.
While there is no
known origin of the saying, “Opposites attract,” the concept appears to be
related to Coulomb’s Law of physics (1785). The electrical force between
positive (+) and negative (-) is stronger the closer the two move towards each
other. While this is true in nature, it can also be true in relationships.
But while
opposites attract, so do dysfunctions. Some types of mental disorders naturally
seem to be drawn towards others in a way that either compliments or repels the
other. To borrow from another saying, “Birds of a feather flock together,”
explains how some are naturally drawn to their own dysfunction.
Yet another
concept can be realized from British author and philosopher, James Allen
(1909). “The soul attracts that which it secretly harbours, that which it
loves, and also that which it fears.” So the very thing a person might fear the
most, they might have the strongest attraction towards. This can be very
dangerous for a person who has experienced severe trauma.
Understanding the
natural attraction two people have for each other is an essential foundation to
discovering a healthier alternative. Here are five common examples.
·
Magnetic attraction. The closer two opposing magnets get
to each other, the stronger the connection. This concept explains these three
typical examples.
o
Introvert/extrovert:
Introverts are drawn to those who are comfortable in social environments and
can help to stabilize an otherwise anxious situation. Extroverts like the
tranquility alone an introvert naturally possesses.
o
Hyperactive/unhurried:
Unhurried people tend to have moments when their brain is turned off which is
direct contrast to the constant over thinking of most hyperactive people. In
some way, each wants a piece of what the other does not naturally have.
o
Sensitive/stoic:
A sensitive person feels so deeply that is a relief to be around a person who
doesn’t. Stoic people tend to admire the intensity of the sensitive person.
·
Like finds like. This idea of “Birds of a feather
flock together,” manifests in relationships that are matched by two people with
the same type of personality trait.
o
Passive-aggressive:
No one understands a passive-aggressive person quite as well as another
passive-aggressive person. This personality trait is marked by someone who
feels an emotion such as anger but won’t directly express it. Instead it comes
out in forgetfulness or procrastination of a task that has been repeatedly
requested.
o
OCD: A person
with obsessive compulsive disorder (OCD) appreciates and values another person
with a similar behavior. The two tend to feed off each other and normalize
their dysfunctional actions.
o
Anxiety:
Heightened bouts of anxiety and/or panic attacks are best understood by others
who suffer from the same disorder. Those who don’t experience intense anxiety
tend to minimize the situation and its’ affect.
·
Dysfunctions that match. This list is a small sampling of
common disorders that are naturally drawn towards each other in a cycle that
perpetuates the continuation of each.
o
Addicts/co-dependents:
In order for an addict to thrive, they need someone who enables their
addiction. Co-dependents get pleasure from rescuing others especially those who
are typically forgotten or misunderstood by others.
o
Borderline/dependent:
A person with borderline personality disorder (BPD) is well matched with a
person who has dependent personality disorder (DPD). The BPD has an intense
fear of abandonment which is a good match for the DPD who will not leave even a
dysfunctional relationship.
o
Aggression/suppression:
The anger style of aggression likes to unleash on those who will not fight back
such as a person who suppresses their anger. Likewise, a suppressive person
admires the aggressor’s ability to let go of their anger and not revisit it
over and over.
·
Parental attraction. Sigmund Freud believed that a person
is often attracted to their parent in childhood. But weirdly enough some carry
this subconscious attraction into their adult relationships.
o
Marry favorite
parent: A person might enter into a relationship with another because of the
strong similarities a mate possesses with the parent they most adore. While
this might be favorable initially, sexual attraction often diminishes when the
realization of the similarities becomes more conscious.
o
Marry least
favorite parent: By contrast, some enter into a relationship with a person very
similar to the parent they least liked. This is a subconscious attempt to heal
the broken relationship between the adult child and their parent.
·
Trauma rehashed. Unfortunately, when trauma has not
been deal with properly, people often place themselves in similar places of
vulnerability
o
Abusers/abused: This is most clearly demonstrated when a
person finishes with one abusive relationship only to enter into another one.
Until the reason for the tolerance of the abuse is healed, a person will
continue to repeat the abusive pattern.
“Problems do not
go away. They must be worked through or else they remain, forever a barrier to
the growth and development of the spirit.” M. Scott Peck wrote this quote in
his book, “The Road Less Traveled” which is the inspiration for this article.
Healing from natural dysfunctional attractions opens a person up to healthy
functional relationships.
To schedule an appointment with
Christine Hammond,
Please call our office at
407-647-7005.