Five Ways a Narcissist Comes Unglued
By: Christine Hammond, LMHC
The angry outburst of a narcissist is like a two-year old
temper tantrum. It appears out of no where, creates an unnecessary scene, and
shocks others into inaction. It is the ultimate in selfish behavior as
everything immediately becomes about them and what they want. Just like a
child, a narcissist cannot tell the difference between what they need and what
they want. The two things are exactly the same and as such an angry rant is
sparked by both.
There are five main reasons for a narcissistic temper
tantrum:
1.
Shattering their fantasy
- Two year olds think imaginary, not logically. Narcissists also have a
distorted perception of reality where they are all powerful, beautiful, knowing,
authoritative, and right. Any shattering of that fantasy is met with immediate
anger.
2.
Revealing their
insecurity – At the heart of every narcissist, is a deep rooted insecurity that
causes shame or doubt such as abuse. Most of the displayed grandiosity is an
effort to cover up that insecurity. But the second it is revealed, the
narcissist becomes angry in order to deflect the shameful image.
3.
Challenging their
superiority – All narcissists view themselves as being superior to others in
appearance, intelligence, and/or influence. Any challenge to that image is met
with swift retaliation and competitive reactions. They must win at all costs
even if the damage is a lost relationship.
4.
Seeking attention – Just
like a two year old, some narcissists have learned that if they can’t get
positive attention, negative will do just fine. Narcissists crave daily doses
of attention, affirmation, affection, and admiration. When they don’t get it,
they react aggressively.
5.
Embarrassing moments –
Narcissists take pleasure in embarrassing and humiliating others. They are
famous for saying, “I was only joking,” and expecting others to be OK with the derogatory
comments. But when others do the same thing back, the response is a severe
backlash.
There are four ways a narcissist expresses anger:
1.
Aggressive – This can be
instantaneously in the form of verbal lashings, throwing objects, threats of
harm, yelling, being argumentative, unyielding in opinions, repetitive speech,
twisting the truth, and intimidation.
2.
Suppressive – This type
of anger is expressed as giving the silent treatment, ignoring problems or
people, playing the victim, complaining about physical aches, being resentful
without ever saying it, alienation of family members, and hiding money.
Sometimes this anger later expressed in an explosive manner.
3.
Passive-aggressive – This
is a more sneaky from of expression though sulking, gossiping, sarcasm,
back-stabbing, agreeing to a person’s face but then refusing later, charming
those they hate, setting others up for failure, procrastinating, gaslighting, and
guilt-tripping.
4.
Violent – When other
forms of anger fail to get the point across, some narcissists will escalate to
carrying out threats of violence on self or others or being intentionally
abusive.
Instead
of becoming defensive or attacking back at a narcissist during the next temper
tantrum, try using the opportunity to study their methods. Narcissists like to
do the same thing over and over especially when it has already proven to be
effective. Being able to anticipate a blow-up is the first step in learning how
to counteract the attack.
To schedule an
appointment with Christine Hammond, please call our office at 407-647-7005.