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10 Ways to Beat the Holiday Stress

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By: Christine Hammond LMHC Instead of the song lyric “It’s the most wonderful time of the year,” holidays can be ‘the most stressful time of the year.’   With all there is to do (gifting, decorating, and baking), places to go (cocktail parties, family gatherings, and school recitals), and people to see (friends, family and colleagues), life can feel overwhelming. Here are ten ways to reduce the exhaustion: 1.        Simplify. It is often the addition of things, people, and activities to an already busy life which turns the holidays into a hectic mess. Instead plan for the interruption by setting aside blocks of time without an activity planned. Any task such as cleaning out the garage that can be diverted till after the New Year should be eliminated from the schedule. 2.       Clarify. This is not the time to do activities or travel to see family without wanting to do it. If there is no desire, the event should be avoided. Don’t add to the schedule anything for which

Managing Grief Through the Holiday Season

By: Nancy Tikunoff, IMH Ah, the holiday season is upon us. The celebrations of life and love with family and friends are ushered in from the harried pace of life with the Thanksgiving respite and much feasting. Close on its heels the attention turns to the Christmas season which, again, is closely associated with family, community and relationships. The merrymaking continues till the end of the year with one last hoorah for closing out the year and ringing in a new one. Again, times replete with gatherings of those we love who are an integral part of our lives. But then something so unexpected (or maybe expected but nevertheless dreaded) occurs, an event that seems so out of keeping with the laughter, joy, activities and traditions that define the holiday season for us. The accident no one saw coming. The sudden, unexpected illness or a long-term battle with aging finally ends  omeone we love dies or it’s the anniversary of the death of someone that we love and miss dearly. They a

5 Tips for Tackling your Spouse’s Narcissistic Family

By: Christine Hammond, LMHC, NCC There are some days when the thought of knocking down a relative or in-law seems tempting. This is especially true following an unforeseen passive-aggressive personal attack. But if this person is a narcissist, they seem to have the resilience of a linebacker who takes the blow just to bounce back up again with even more determination to dominate the next time. Winning in such an environment feels like a lost cause. Many happily settle for flying under the radar so as to avoid the attacks all together. Or they retaliate with similar passive-aggressive remarks in a game of tit-for-tat. Some even plow through the initial casual remarks with quick aggressive jabs designed to attack first. Unfortunately all of these are usually met with heavy resistance from the other family members or worse yet a spouse. This can create an environment of isolation and turn the family gathering into them versus me atmosphere. Of course, this is the intent of the na

19 Reasons for Chronic Underperformance

By: Christine Hammond, LMHC, NCC By the mid-40’s certain aspects of a person’s personality become very apparent. One of these things is work productivity. While there can be socioeconomic reasons for underperformance, after twenty years, a person is able to rise above even the most difficult of times. There is a warning however, being productive and being successful are not the same, so this not about accomplishment. Nor is this about a teenager or someone in their twenties. For them, underperformance may simply be lack of motivation or inspiration. But by a mid-age, some things should have been resolved. Erik Erikson’s Eight Stages of Psychosocial Development identifies Generativity vs. Stagnation during this period which can result in a mid-life crisis. So this is intentionally about a person who is still underperforming or in the stagnation stage by mid-age. Here are some of the possible reasons: 1.        Entitlement. Many wrongly believe that just because they are a certain

The Secret Facade of the Vulnerable Narcissist

by: Christine Hammond, LMHC, NCC At first, they seem so quiet and unobtrusive; a refreshing break from the normal banter of one-up-man-ship that frequently dominates an initial conversation. But then the sly remarks characteristic of inattentiveness began, along with a victimization mentality where the whole world is out to get them, and a hypersensitivity to unintentional disparaging comments. The switch is so dramatic that it is hardly noticeable until it becomes unnerving. The narcissistic qualities of a vulnerable narcissist (VN) are masked by helplessness, emotionality, and reticent behavior. They are not dissimilar to covert or introverted narcissists which fly far under the grandiose radar of a typical narcissist. Here are some signs of a VN: ·          They are typically highly sensitive people to the extreme level. Only their feelings have significance or importance, not another’s. Instead of using their sensitivity to understand and meet the needs of others, they ta

What is a Narcissist?

By: Christine Hammond, LMHC, NCC The word “Narcissist” has it’s origins in Greek Mythology. Around 8AD, there is a story about a beautiful hunter named Narcissus who was exceptionally proud. In order to expose his arrogance, Nemesis (a long standing rival and the origin of the word nemesis) drew him to a pool of water.  Narcissus, upon seeing his reflection and not realizing it was his own image, became so attracted to himself that he refused to leave. He later died there. Thus, the name Narcissist describes a person who is fixated on themselves. Narcissistic Personality Disorder (NPD) takes it root from the same name. Here is a practical definition: ·       Believes they better and/or superior to others, ·       Fantasizes about their unlimited power, success, and attractiveness, ·       Exaggerates their achievements and talents, ·       Expects constant praise and admiration from others, ·       Believes they are special and can only associate with other special pe

The Role of Food in Holiday Celebrations: Eating Disorders

By: Nancy Tikunoff, IMH In the United States, our holidays are rife with references to food as a central part of the celebration. Who can imagine a Thanksgiving get-together without all the traditional favorites? The meal is planned, budgeted, shopped for, cooked and eaten with much attention and relish. Along with the emphasis on the food comes an expectation that we will overeat. Oh yes, we’ll then complain about how “stuffed” we feel like the turkey itself and make jokes about the now-needed after dinner walk. We might even take the walk but we will still eat too much. The naps will abound before the football games start. All of this is within the normative experience of Americans during this special time of friends, family, relaxation and food. After it’s all over, we’ll go back to our usual eating habits that don’t include two pieces of pie and extra helpings of all of our favorites. It was only for a day or two and not a lifestyle and we won’t be seriously harmed. There will