Showing posts from June, 2015

I've Got a Secret; Sex isn't What the Media Says It Is

By Matt W. Sandford, LMHC
How many of you have bought into it; that is, what the media represents sex to be? You know, they portray sex to be a wildly exciting and fun activity that you can do with anyone and that the more you do it the more exciting and fun it is. And, after that opening sentence, if you now expect that I am about to lecture you about the evils of sex, then I’ve got you right where I want you! Because remember – I’ve got a secret. And that secret is not that sex is evil or that everyone who is enjoying it needs to Stop Right Now! Sex isn’t bad or sinful. The problem isn’t that the media and the culture have made sex so prominent. The problem is that the media and the culture don’t know what sex isabout and so they misrepresent its essence. And when you don’t understand the essence of a thing, like say using a fire hydrant to take a shower, then you undermine its value and you lose out on the blessing. You see, what I am saying is not that the culture loves sex too muc…

Five Healing Steps to Take After Your Pastor Falls

By Christine Hammond, LMHC
The news is out. Your Pastor did something completely out of character. Perhaps they had a physical or emotional affair, stole money or misappropriated funds, secretly abused a family member, or hid an addiction. Whatever it was, it has devastated the church, shocked the community and perhaps destroyed their family.
Understandably, you will experience conflicting emotions and racing thoughts as you process what has happened. This is a normal response as you begin to grieve over the loss of your Pastor. Here are some of the possible reactions that might occur.
“My Pastor couldn’t have done that.” Usually the first initial response is to disbelieve that your Pastor could have done anything like this. After all, who wants to believe that any Pastor is capable of such a thing? Nothing makes sense. The person you know and trust doesn’t match with the accusations. So, you refuse to acknowledge the evidence. This is why denial is a powerful defense mechanism because …

How to Spot an Immature Person

By: Matt W. Sandford, LMHC
“Grow up!” people will say, usually when you are doing something that annoys them. But I wonder how skilled you are at actually identifying immaturity? I wonder this because of the frequency in which I encounter folks who have gotten into a relationship with someone and they can’t understand why the other person does what they do, or why they have the conflicts they do, or why the relationship is so on and off, or why they can’t seem to work some things out. And so I started to wonder if some ‘immaturity-spotting skills’ would be worthwhile. Let me offer a general concept and then flesh it out. Keep in mind, there are many ways to view maturity and this is just one perspective. Generally, we can find immaturity living on the edges of the continuum of some characteristic, meaning either too little or too much of something. Maturity is often developed through learning a balanced perspective.  This is not a comprehensive list, but rather intended to get you thin…

3 Reasons Good Girls Marry Bad Boys and Then Work Themselves to Death to Cover it Up

By: Dwight Bain, LMHC
Right now you know a woman working at least two jobs, (not counting parenting her children and running a household), who is married to a “bad boy” who takes advantage of her. I don’t mean domestic violence; it’s more subtle than that, because she works incredibly hard to cover up how her partner is mean or unmotivated. She may be a co-worker, a sister, a neighbor or friend at church, but you know this woman and you know she has a good heart. Here’s what you don’t know. She’s hurting more now than she ever has before. Why? Because the reality of her desperate situation creates crushing sadness Bright women who married the ‘bad boy’ every one warned them about have a major problem. Deep down they usually believe they really love the guy on the couch who won’t keep a job and expects her to fill in the gaps for his irresponsibility. This causes another major problem, because they don’t want their children to suffer or do without the basics, like new shoes, braces, sch…

When Your Knight in Shining Armor Turns Out to be Wearing Aluminum Foil

By: Emily Long
Taylor Swift said it perfectly in a song: “you got that James Dean daydream look in your eye…” when it comes to describing bad boys. Your friends have dated them, you’ve dated them, your mom, sister, cousin… every woman you encounter has experienced a “bad boy” at one point or another. How can you spot the “bad boys” and identify them? You can’t. They don’t walk around wearing signs of indication, dress a certain way or hang out in a particular area. They just are. When your friends or family date them you can normally spot them more quickly than Waldo in a Where’s Waldo book. But when you’re dating a “bad boy” everything isn’t so crystal clear. 
Categories of “Bad Boys” When someone thinks of the bad boy image, their perception is all based on experience. Why? Shouldn’t a bad boy be obvious? Bad boys can earn their classification by their charm. They could be perfectly groomed in an Armani suit and know the exact words to say to a female to win her over. The intentions be…

Breaking the Bad Boy Cycle: Why Good Girls Choose Bad Boys

By: Cara Griffin-Locker, IMH
Why do good girls often flock to bad boys? Well, they are fun, adventurous, familiar and more often than not they need to be fixed.  What girl does not like a little project?  As women we tend to want to fix things and that may include the man in our life. How can a good girl avoid dating a bad boy? The answer lies in understanding herself as a woman, having expectations of what she wants in a man and being able to identify her value. A girl’s desire for the perfect man can lead to a fixation on finding a boyfriend. Having a boyfriend does not define you but your self-worth and spirituality do.
Relationships experience intimacy when both parties can sacrifice for one other. By definition, a bad boy is unable to offer sacrificial love.  Women often fool themselves into thinking that they are immune to falling for a bad boy. The affection of a bad boy is always performance-based and challenge-driven. Here are four reasons why good girls choose bad boys.

1.He c…