Breaking the Bad Boy Cycle: Why Good Girls Choose Bad Boys

By: Cara Griffin-Locker, IMH

Why do good girls often flock to bad boys? Well, they are fun, adventurous, familiar and more often than not they need to be fixed.  What girl does not like a little project?  As women we tend to want to fix things and that may include the man in our life. How can a good girl avoid dating a bad boy? The answer lies in understanding herself as a woman, having expectations of what she wants in a man and being able to identify her value. A girl’s desire for the perfect man can lead to a fixation on finding a boyfriend. Having a boyfriend does not define you but your self-worth and spirituality do.

Relationships experience intimacy when both parties can sacrifice for one other. By definition, a bad boy is unable to offer sacrificial love.  Women often fool themselves into thinking that they are immune to falling for a bad boy. The affection of a bad boy is always performance-based and challenge-driven. Here are four reasons why good girls choose bad boys.

1.     He can be fixed. Women sometimes allow their nurturing instinct to affect their better judgment when it comes to choosing a boyfriend. Some women like a project or a fixer upper; they think they can change a guy and his character flaws. Women who were abused or ignored by their father may not know how to identify real love. Worse, they may think that their past pain can be erased by marrying a bad boy and making everything work out right. This is a lie; it is impossible to make a man improve his character. He may fake integrity for a time but his true colors will eventually shine through. 
2.      He is exciting. Society tends to glamorize all the wrong things including the bad boy image.  Bad boys draw attention to themselves; their popularity and playful personality can be very attractive. Dating a bad boy is appealing and the notoriety of dating one can touch a woman’s need for acceptance and significance. What some women do not realize is that their personal reputation can be tarnished by associating with a notorious person. Bad boys may be fun, but the party does not last forever. Vain pleasure will eventually wear off over time. A bad boy may shower you with compliments, attention, and excitement, but the moment you cease to keep him happy, he will lose interest in you.
3.     He pursued me. Bad boys tend to be more assertive when it comes to initiating a dating relationship. Since most women want to be pursued, this aggressive approach can be appealing. Additionally, a bad boy may seem driven to make something of himself. Women usually like a man who seems to have purpose in life. However, dating a guy with poor character, even if he pursues you, will still equal a poor relationship.

There may seem to be more bad boys around than men with character, but waiting for a man with integrity is worth it. So ladies, kiss those bad boys goodbye!

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