Understanding Narcissistic Personality Disorder
By: Christine
Hammond, LMHC
The name
“Narcissist” comes from Narcissus who was a beautiful hunter in Greek Mythology
but also exceptionally proud. In order to reveal his arrogance, Nemesis
drew him to a pool of water. Upon seeing his reflection and not realizing
that it was his own image, Narcissus became so attracted that he refused to
leave and died there. Thus, the name Narcissistic Personality Disorder
(NPD) very correctly portrays a person who fixated on themselves.
So what is
NPD? Here is the technical DSM-V definition:
·
Identity:
Exaggerated self-appraisal
·
Self-direction:
Personal standards are unreasonably high, sees oneself as exceptional
·
Empathy:
Impaired ability to identify with the feelings or needs of others, excessively
attuned to reaction of others
·
Intimacy:
Relationship largely superficial and exist to serve self-esteem regulation
·
Grandiosity:
Feelings of entitlement, belief that one is better than others, condescending
toward others
·
Attention
Seeking: Excessive attempts to attract and be the focus of attention of
others
The practical
definition looks more like this:
·
Believes
they better than others
·
Fantasizes
about power, success and attractiveness
·
Exaggerates
achievements
·
Expects
constant praise and admiration
·
Believes
they are special
·
No
empathy for others
·
Expects
others to go along with ideas and plans
·
Takes
advantage of others
·
Expresses
disdain for those they feel are inferior
·
Believes
that others are jealous of them
·
Trouble
with relationships
·
Sets
unrealistic goals
·
Easily
offended
So many movies
have portrayed NPD but perhaps the funniest and most exaggerated example is of
Will Ferrell’s character Ron from “Anchorman: The Legend of Ron
Burgundy”. Ron’s admiration of his looks and talents despite his obvious
flaws is characteristic of NPDs. But NPD can be seen not just in movies,
but also in real life from CEOs of large corporations to political candidates
on both sides of the aisle to crime bosses and gang
leaders.
So how do you
deal with a person who might have NPD? Here are a few suggestions:
·
Use
sandwich method: compliment, confront, compliment. Don’t do it too
frequently.
·
Agree
with them whenever you can, don’t look for ways to disagree.
·
Be
straight forward and short in explanations, too long gives too much time for
attack.
·
Expect
immediate decisions and don’t question their judgment.
·
Find
ways to praise them without being patronizing.
·
Look
them in the eye when talking and give them all of your attention.
·
Even
when they are gloating, find something to admire.
·
Don’t
talk too much about yourself or others; focus the conversation on them and then
you will get what you want.
·
Find
ways to help them feel special.
Once you realize
the narcissism, it becomes much easier to manage the excessive admiration that
a NPD craves. But don’t lose yourself to their narcissism by constantly
giving them what they need at the expense of what you need. This is
disastrous and will end badly, not for them but for you. Get some help
and learn when to walk away.
To schedule an appointment with Christine
Hammond, please call our office at 407-647-7005.
