How Anger Fuels Addictive Behavior
By Chris Hammond
Have you ever felt as though you were doing the same thing
over and over again getting worse and worse results no matter how hard you
tried? Are you caught in a downward
spiral that leaves you feeling helpless and more frustrated? While there are many reasons for addictive
behavior, certain emotions such as anger can add fuel to the addictive cycle,
thereby increasing the intensity and feeling completely out of control.
It all starts with a painful event such as the loss of a
job, the betrayal of a close friend or the disappointment of a missed
opportunity. Each of these events can
spark anger directed at another person for their part in the event or directed
at yourself for failure to handle the event properly. The feeling of anger is uncomfortable so you
counteract it with a desire to escape or a desire to find pleasure. You turn to the addiction of your choice:
alcohol, drugs, gambling, smoking, spending money, porn, excessive exercising,
soap operas, adrenaline, sugar, or video games.
Other people in your life don’t like your addiction so they in turn
become angry with you and withdraw. You
are now confused by their response as you were just trying to avoid the angry
feelings. This in turn results in
another painful event such as a fight, loss of respect or distrust.
Acknowledge. The first step to stopping the crazy cycle is
acknowledging that you are repeating the same behavior over and over. You can’t change what you won’t acknowledge. So admit it.
You are doing the crazy cycle.
This is not the time to blame others for the reason you are doing the
crazy cycle; this is the time to accept responsibility for your own crazy
behavior. Everyone is responsible for
their own behavior. This may be a new
concept to you as our culture is quick to blame others - parents, churches,
organizations, companies, governments, and even nations - for bad
behavior. But this is not constructive
thinking, it is destructive thinking.
You are responsible for your own behavior.
Stop at Anger. There is nothing wrong with feeling
angry. It is a normal emotion which even
Jesus felt. But there is something wrong
with acting out in anger or doing something to escape the anger or doing
something to suppress the anger (pleasure-seeking behavior). Whether you are acting aggressively angry or
avoiding the anger by running away, anger is still controlling your
behavior. It is OK to be angry when you
are hurt, when someone hurts you, or when someone hurts someone else. Just don’t take it to the next step or try to
escape the anger; rather deal with the anger by confronting how you feel and
taking responsibility for the actions that follow. Just saying the words, “I am angry but I’m
going to act responsibly” can transform the out-of-control feeling to one of
control.
Know Your Addiction. What is your addiction of choice? More than likely you have more than one
addictive behavior. Not all of the
additive behaviors are listed so taking an inventory of your go-to addictions
is extremely helpful. Many times you
will go directly from the painful event and skip right past the angry emotion
to the additive behavior because you have developed a conditioned response
similar to Pavlov’s dogs. In Pavlov’s
experiment, he trained dogs to salivate at the ringing of a bell by first
giving food along with ringing the bell.
Before long, he only needed to ring the bell for the dogs to
salivate. You may have done the same
thing with your addiction. You no longer
need to feel anger to justify the addictive behavior; rather you go straight
from the painful event to the addiction.
If you know your addictive behaviors, you can trace backwards to the
anger anytime you feel the desire to abuse your substance and stop it from
going any further.
You can take responsibility for your own behavior and stop
the crazy cycle from destroying your life.
You do not have to be a victim to your addiction or continue to allow
painful events to determine how you will respond. Remember, if you make a mistake along the way
and slip backwards, it is never too late to turn around no matter what others
around you say. Who you are is NOT
defined by your mistakes. Who you are is
defined by your character which can be shaped by your mistakes only if you let it.