Showing posts from October, 2012

DISC Personality Profile: Working Together

By Chris Hammond
You understand your personality profile and can now see how the pieces fit together to form a whole functioning group.So now the struggle becomes how to communicate effectively with each other.Effective communication is difficult under normal circumstances but try complicating it with different strengths, weaknesses, needs and motivations and you are likely to feel a bit overwhelmed.Worse yet, do this for an entire team of different profiles and watch your time disappear.
Instead of resorting back to the way things were before you learned all of this information, try incorporating a couple of these tactics the next time you have a team meeting.Remember you can meet the needs of all your personalities in one meeting at one time which in the end will save you time and energy while reducing stress and frustration.
Project Outline. In order to better understand effective communication, the same example will be used for each profile.You have been given a task of reducing your…

DISC Personality Profile: Putting It All Together

By Chris Hammond
You have completed the tests and have a better understanding of yourself through the DISC personality profile having gained new insights as to your strengths and weaknesses. But how does your profile fit with others?How does it relate to your spouse’s profile, your co-worker’s profile or your child’s?How can the pieces fit together to form a functioning group dynamic?
Each personality profile in DISC: dominating, influential, steadfast, and conscientious, are different pieces of a whole package.The goal is not to become all things rather it is to recognize the value in each part, utilize your strengths to achieve results, and supplement your weaknesses by working with people who are strong where you are weak.When you do this you will discover how much more enjoyable life can be, how much less anxiety you will have, and a huge reduction in everyday stress as you will no longer be trying to be something that you are not.Setting boundaries in your life based on your streng…

5 Ways to Improve Relationships

Brian M Murray, MS, IMH
Relationships are all around us and they exist whether it is marriage, friendships, in-laws and coworkers and chances are there will be challenging times when we try to find ways to get along with each other. At some point there will be conflict within a relationship but it does not always have to be this way. When relationships become dysfunctional, finding ways to navigate through those can be challenging. Being around others who are healthy can bring value and joy to life. Lifetime friends and special people we identify with in our families can generate feelings of appreciation of both what we receive and what we are able to give. Healthy relationships are built on give and take and not all take and not all give. While there are numerous ways to evaluate a relationship, here are 5 ways that can help enhance relationships.
1.Do you trust each other? Let’s face it, if there is no trust in any relationship then developing anything significant is halted at the t…

Finding Integrity in Addiction

Brian M Murray, MS, IMH

“Integrity is telling myself the truth. And honesty is telling the truth to other people.”
-Spencer Johnson

Is there integrity in addiction? Absolutely, that is if the addicted person is willing to admit the truth that they have a problem. Integrity is about being honest with themselves about who they are as a person. Sharing the truth about having an addiction with others is also about having integrity. Being able to express who they are with a professional licensed counselor or addictions professional can take an enormous effort. In addition to licensed professionals are support groups such as Celebrate Recovery, Alcoholics Anonymous, Narcotics Anonymous and dozens of other 12 step anonymous groups. Depending on the specific problem a person is experiencing chances are there is a recovery program for it.

Often people suffering with addiction issues think they are all alone and when they begin to get honest with themselves reaching out for help they realize th…

Beyond the Battlefield: Helping Veterans

Brian M Murray, MS, IMH

Over the past 11 years our nation has been at war. As of 9/30/2011 the Department of Veteran Affairs reported there is an estimated 22,234,000 United States military veterans. To put this in perspective the world’s largest military force according to the CIA Factbook, China, has 2,250,000 active duty personnel. The United States has an all active duty personnel at 1,450,000. The point is the United States has an enormous veteran population and most people know someone who has served or know someone associated with someone who has served.
The United States Army is reporting that in the first part of 2012 that suicide rates are at an all time high. This impact is being felt among all ranks and all socio-economic-cultural backgrounds. This is not limited to the guys on the front line trading bullets. The impact, stress and trauma of 11 years of war are deep and are reaching upper echelon. It would behoove the Veterans Administration to have a contingency plan gat…

Halloween & What's Really Scary

By Matt W. Sandford
Halloween is all about scary stuff. Sure there’s the tame stuff like superheroes and princesses, just so commercialism can make sure everyone is included. But monsters, ghosts and blood, gore, horror and death – that’s what Halloween is about. We are strangely drawn to the creepy, the weird, and the bizarre. I remember as a kid tooling around on the TV while visiting my Aunt’s for the weekend. There was always an old time horror movie on Sunday afternoons. The Creature From the Black Lagoon, The Man With Two Heads, The Blob. And I remember one time coming across a scene where a can opener was beginning to attach to someone’s neck. I remember being so grossed out and not wanting to watch, but not being able to pull my eyes away.
But I was wondering the other day, are these the things that really scare most people? We hold an odd fascination and curiosity for things mysterious – and death and the spiritual world are certainly that. However, it seems to me that there a…

Just Gut it Out! Real Men Don't Need Counseling !

And They Don’t Need any of That Wimpy Christian Stuff Either!
By: Brian M Murray, MS, IMH

So real men do not need counseling eh? Neither are they supposed to cry when they get hurt, right? Oh, and now they are going to have to carve out their masculinity and put it on a shelf in order to seek Jesus right?

I find it amazing that hero and savior Jesus Christ, the King of the universe is seen weeping in the Bible. John 11:35 reads “Jesus wept.” It’s the famously shortest verse in the Bible. Jesus is seen weeping over the loss of his friend Lazarus. This is incredible; the man that came to save the world is seen by others weeping over a friend. Wait, what is going on here? The Messiah, the Anointed One is crying? The One who was sent to redeem all of mankind is crying? Um, dial this one in, Houston, we have a problem. The One who is supposed to be the exemplar of strength is having an emotional meltdown?

Okay, maybe this is a little overly dramatic but it shows us men something about ours…

Strategies for Breaking the Cycle of Depression

By: Brian M Murray, MS, IMH
Depression is not limited to certain people who are pre-disposed for it. Depression can happen to anyone. Studies indicate that one in four people will experience depression within their lifetime. There are key thoughts and behaviors that can be attributed to feeling depressed such as thinking (and believing) that everything is hopeless and that nothing is ever going to change. Feelings of worthlessness, being useless at work or in relationships and thinking the world is a terrible place casting blame on the self when things go wrong. These are negative thought patterns that contribute to depression.
There are also behaviors that contribute as well such as being frequently tired or low energy, disruptive sleeping and eating patterns. There is a loss of joy in life with the things that were once enjoyed. Avoidance of family and friends, sleeping most of the day and difficulty getting out of bed. There may even be painful physical complaints such as frequent…

Exercising Under the Influence of Marriage

By Brian Murray and Christine Hammond
While watching a T.V. exercise infomercial and eating nachos after just finishing a big bowl of ice cream.
Him:[Boy my wife sure is quiet over there; look at her salivating over that T.V. buffed out dude.] “I bet if all I had to do all day is work-out then I might look like that guy.”
Her: [My husband looked like that once upon a time. But now he sits there eating the very thing I told him not to eat. If he would just listen to me he would not have this problem.Figures he would be jealous of that guy. Why can’t he just stop talking and do something about it. Talk, talk, talk, yadda, yadda, yadda.] “You can do it honey, I know you can.”
Him:[Oh great, now she expects me to run out, buy this thing so she can fantasize about being with this dude.] “I know I can do it, I just don’t have the time.”
Her:[Time, well if he got off his butt and stopped watch football on Saturday for 8 hours, Sunday for 4 hours, on Monday night 4 hours, Thursday night football…

Rulebooks: Instigators of Conflict in Marriage

By: Brian M Murray, MS, IMH
“I know that the whole point—the only point—is to find the things that matter, and hold on to them, and fight for them, and refuse to let them go.” ― Lauren Oliver
Fighting for something you believe in can make a big difference in how far you are willing to go to make a point. Sometimes it can go so far as to begin to destroy your marriage or engagements and relationships. Couples often come into therapy fighting about what they want from each other rarely looking at the marriage as a whole. They would rather stand on their point than begin to communicate toward conflict resolution. When this happens it becomes difficult to set aside personal differences. How can a married couple begin to move into acceptance of their mate’s perspective without holding them in contempt of their own?
Often in disagreements there is a perspective coming from each partner of how they think things should be. It can seem like each person is carrying around an unpublished book of…

Breaking Out of Perfectionism

By Matt W. Sandford
Last time we identified ten signs of the perfectionist. And I suggested that there are two types of perfectionists, the ones who take pride in this defining characteristic and those who feel plagued by it. Obviously, my intended audience is for those in the second category. It is my opinion that perfectionists of both categories would benefit, however, those who appreciate their perfectionism would not likely be interested, because they value their world view very highly and believe that it makes them the best they can be. In fact, they may feel as if I am trying to undermine them, to steal something that they have come to rely on. They have come to rely on their perfectionism to direct them, to propel them to achieve, to protect them from failure and mistakes. Ah-ha, I think we have uncovered the sneaky culprit! For these folks, underneath the honoring of their driving perfectionism is fear; fear of not achieving a high enough standard. And now we are talking about…

Why Do I Feel Guilty?

By Chris Hammond
Admittedly there are times when you should feel guilty.For instance, if you cause harm to another person, take something that does not belong to you, or lie about something to get your own way, you should feel guilty because you have done wrong.But this is not the guilt that plagues you, that guilt is understandable as the cause is easily identified.Rather, the guilt that plagues you is an almost constant annoying feeling which continually questions your character, motives, thoughts, actions, and feelings in nearly every circumstance no matter how insignificant.
It becomes this voice in your head challenging you, criticizing you, critiquing you, and condemning you far beyond the expectations of others.And yet it is the fear of not meeting those expectations that ultimately drives the intensity of your guilt to a heightened level of discouragement, detachment, and depression.If this describes you, then know that you are not alone but there are some reasons for why you fe…

In-Laws Under the Influence of Marriage

By Brian M Murray and Christine Hammond
She answers the phone and is informed by her mother that for their vacation her parents are coming to visit for a week.
Her.[Great, the house needs to be cleaned, the laundry needs to be done, we need to repaint the bedroom, the kitchen needs to be organized, the garage is a mess, the yard needs major attention, the vacuum cleaner needs to be repaired and the dog needs a spa treatment.So much to do and so little time, oh yea I need to tell my husband.Boy this is going to go over well…] “Oh honey!Guess who is coming for a little visit.”
Him.[There’s that tone again, I wonder what she wants now.] “Ok, who is it and for how long.”
Her.[How can I say this without him getting angry? The last time my parents came for a visit he lost it around day two and now they are coming for a week.I just want to die.Maybe I can get some major illness in time to avoid the disaster that is about to happen or maybe he’ll get strep-throat and not be able to talk for a few…

5 Ways on How to Filter the Negatives in Your Life

By: Brian M Murray, MS, IMH
Have you ever been around someone who is so negative that you find them almost disturbing? I’m talking about the kind of negativity that when the person speaks you can feel your life energy being sucked right out of you. And here it comes, that disheartened feeling that goes something like “ugh, I can’t take this anymore, if this person vents their spleen one more time I am going to scream and run away.” Unfortunately for some that is exactly what happens. People leave their jobs, friendships and even marriages because the repeated clanging of negativity is more than they can tolerate.
Negative people can affect work production (commonly called the office flu), increase feelings of depression, anger and anxiety (which happen to be negative emotions), and the list goes on. Like Eeyore from Winnie the Pooh, these people go through life pointing out what is wrong with everything and seldom look for the positive. What a heavy load they are carrying and they a…