Exercising Under the Influence of Marriage
By Brian Murray and Christine Hammond
While watching a T.V. exercise infomercial and eating nachos
after just finishing a big bowl of ice cream.
Him: [Boy my wife sure is quiet over there; look
at her salivating over that T.V. buffed out dude.] “I bet if all I had to
do all day is work-out then I might look like that guy.”
Her: [My husband looked like that once upon a
time. But now he sits there eating the very thing I told him not to eat. If he
would just listen to me he would not have this problem. Figures he would be jealous of that guy. Why
can’t he just stop talking and do something about it. Talk, talk, talk, yadda,
yadda, yadda.] “You can do it honey, I know you can.”
Him: [Oh great, now she expects me to run out,
buy this thing so she can fantasize about being with this dude.] “I know I
can do it, I just don’t have the time.”
Her: [Time, well if he got off his butt and stopped
watch football on Saturday for 8 hours, Sunday for 4 hours, on Monday night 4
hours, Thursday night football for another 4 hours, video games another 2
hours, and Discovery Channel every night then things might be different. That’s
about 40 hours a week. And he wants more time? He would look as good as that
guy working-out 40 hours per week. Then maybe I wouldn’t want the lights off
when we have sex.] “Well maybe if you cut back on some of the football watch
you would have more time to exercise.”
Him: [If she thinks I’m going to give up watching
football she is out of her mind.] “Look you just need to worry about
yourself.”
Her: [What is that suppose to mean, worry about
myself. The reason I’m in this good of
shape is because I do worry about myself enough to care for me unlike what he
does. He’s the one who needs to worry. I
eat right, exercise and oh, look at that guy on TV, man he is really buff. I
wonder how many girlfriends he has. I used to have a bunch of guys after me but
not so much anymore. Hmm, I wonder if he
is right and I’m not as attractive as I think, after all I haven’t had a
compliment about my body in a couple of months now.] “What do you mean, are you not attracted
to me anymore?”
Him: [Wow, you have got to be kidding me. Well you ain’t no spring chicken anymore.]
“Honey you are fine just the way you are.”
Her: [He’s just saying that cause he knows that
he blew it and wants to change the subject.
What was the subject anyway, oh yea, him going on an exercise program.
So how did he manage to turn it all around on me and now I’m the one feeling
insecure. He always does that, shifts
the blame to me so that he comes out squeaky clean.] “So are you going to
order that program or what?”
Him: [How many times are we going to go down this
road?] “Order it. It can sit in the
corner collecting dust just like everything else.”
Where is this going? Often
in a marriage there are two perspectives in a situation and coming to an
understanding of the other person’s point of view can be a challenging process
especially when what is thought is often not what is said. It’s kind of like shooting at a moving
target, just when you think have your aim, the target moves. Let’s explore how each spouse could have
better handled the situation before, during and after.
Before. Too many times, one person in the marriage
becomes complacent and is not intentional about looking attractive for his/her
spouse. This can then lead to feelings
of being unloved which blossom into a host of insecurities leaving the spouse
feeling invalidated. Ultimately this may
spiral to sexual problems, infidelity or pornography. The objective is to be honest about your
level of attraction to your spouse in a loving and respectful way.
During. Instead of alienating one person over the
other with either real or imagined feelings of jealousy, be intentional about
discovering ways to work together. This in turn minimizes jealousy because you
are less likely to compare and contrast with others. The benefit of working together is another shared
experience striving towards a common goal.
This becomes a positive bond in your marriage.
After. Everyone responds to insecurities in
different ways but they are still insecure nonetheless. Being open and honest about your insecurities
can help you spouse to be more comfortable sharing their insecurities. Many couples believe that they already know
their spouse’s insecurities and therefore don’t need to discuss them
further. However insecurities can change
in intensity over the years and left unresolved can even push a couple to
divorce.