How to be Unloving to Your Wife
By Chris Hammond, MS, IMH
Just as a wife needs to read what it feels like to be
disrespectful to her husband, a man needs to read what it feels like to be
unloving to his wife. So if you are a
wife reading this, please don’t email this article to your husband and demand
he reads it. If you are a husband
reading this, please take it as it was written, tongue-in-cheek. Sometimes you can see things more clearly by
identifying what it looks to be unloving rather than loving.
These can be done nearly anywhere as your wife is sure to
take offense at each and every one. Just
be careful not to do all of them at the same time or you might overload her
with feelings of resentment. Rather,
spread them out over a period of time to make sure she knows just how much you
don’t love her.
·
Her home
– Whenever possible, point out all of the things that are wrong in the house
and how it never looks like she contributes to the care of it. This is especially effective when she has
gone out of her way to make the house look nice and you ignore it with your
silence instead of recognizing it. If
she has done something that you don’t like such as rearranging the furniture or
painting a wall, take the time to rearrange it back or complain that the color
is your least favorite. The more she
prides herself on how her house looks, the more effective this tactic will be.
·
Her
relationships – Since most women gain value from their relationships,
criticize her friends regularly and demand she be friends only with the people
you like. Throw in a couple of sarcastic
remarks about her friends in front of her friends and watch the tension
mount. If she seems to side with the
friends, don’t be compassionate instead demand her undying loyalty to you in
front of her friends.
·
Her
religion – Don’t forget about the power in reminding your wife that she
needs to submit to you because God says so.
By mixing a dose of religious guilt along with your statements, most
women become confused and frustrated because love and guilt don’t mix well. That is your opportunity to strike the next
blow just to make sure she knows who is boss.
·
Her
family – Many wives are attached to their mothers and have a bond that is
difficult to break so do your best to target her mother at every opportunity
with cutting remarks. When you are done
with her mother, attack her father especially if she was a “daddy’s girl”. Even if he is the nicest person, you can
still find fault. Make sure there is a
dose of truth mixed with plenty of exaggeration to alienate any allies she
might have now or in the future.
·
Her work
– This is one of the best categories as any way you go you can still win. For instance, if she makes less money than
you, tell her that she is not pulling her own financial weight. This is best done to stay-at-home moms who
don’t earn any income, make sure you remind her at every turn just how much she
has to depend on you for financial support.
If she makes more money than you and you work, be as unsupportive of her
job as possible so she knows just how frustrated you are that she is earning
more. If she makes more money than you
and you don’t work, drop the mommy guilt card as often as possible by insisting
that she spend more time at home and how much the kids miss her every day.
·
Her appearance
– Most women take some pride in their appearance so if she gets some new
make-up complain about the cost or if she buys a new dress tell her that it
doesn’t fit. This is a tactic that
yields results quickly as the more subtle the remark, the more she internalizes
your comments and plays them over and over in her head. She never really escapes obsessing over her
appearance even when she doesn’t look good, she’ll just say that she doesn’t
care or doesn’t have time. So one of the
best ways to discourage her is to tell her that those few pounds she lost
really don’t make a difference in how she looks and she still shouldn’t wear
that dress. Take the opportunity when
she gets a hair cut not to notice the difference, better yet ask her what the
hairdresser did for all of that money.
·
Her
hobbies – Just walk into any craft store and you will find a host of
hobbies that most women love to do. If
your wife is one of these women, tell her she is wasting her money on such
enjoyment and her money would be better spent on something that you or the kids
need. Adding the mommy guilt touch is
especially effective when your wife is spending her time doing something she
enjoys. After all, she had the children,
she needs to raise them.
·
Her
sexuality – The internet has wonderful pictures of perfect female bodies
doing crazy sexual things that are great for comparing your wife and her
performance. If you are bold enough,
leave a screen up or show her one of the sights so that she can get a good idea
of just what you want and need because it is all about you. If she has a period of disinterest in sex,
don’t justify her behavior by saying it’s hormonal, instead demand that she
perform for you sexually.
·
Her
dreams – Every now and then remind her of a dream that she never fulfilled
or one that she tried and failed. This
is very powerful if you had to rescue her from whatever the situation was and
by reminding her of that you are telling her just how dependant she is on
you. There should be no promotion of
independence as that is showing love.
·
Her moods
– It is no secret that some women get moody a couple of days during the month
so if your wife is in this category show no mercy. Remind her that no matter how she feels, she
still needs to take care of you and all your needs. Never mind that you have been grumpy on
occasion, her moodiness is no excuse not to do everything you expect her to
do. You can also use her moods against
her by saying that she has no need to cry and that crying is for babies.
·
Her
decisions – No doubt she has made a few bad decisions in the time you have
known her so keep a tally of all of her mistakes. You may need to write them down so you don’t
forget the next time you have an argument.
Bring up all of her poor choices and then treat her like a child even
talking or yelling at her as you would a child.
If she protests, remind her that she acts like more like a child then an
adult.
·
Her
morality – Last by not least, if your wife has done anything immoral such
as drunkenness, adultery, slept with someone before you, pornography, or drug
use just to name a few, remind her of her previous behavior and suggest that
she return to it whenever things get too tough.
Don’t let your wife get away with the idea that people can change,
remind her that she will never change and she will always be the ___ you once knew.
By mastering all of the above suggestions, your marriage
will be well on its way to join half of all marriages that end in divorce. So now that you know what your wife needs to
feel unloved, go and conquer.
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"Reprinted with permission from the LifeWorks Group weekly eNews, (Copyright, 2004-2011), To subscribe to this valuable counseling and coaching resource visit www.LifeWorksGroup.org or call 407-647-7005"
About the author- Chris Hammond is a Registered Mental Health Counselor Intern at LifeWorks Group w/ over 15 years of experience as a counselor, mentor & teacher for children, teenagers & adults.
"Reprinted with permission from the LifeWorks Group weekly eNews, (Copyright, 2004-2011), To subscribe to this valuable counseling and coaching resource visit www.LifeWorksGroup.org or call 407-647-7005"
About the author- Chris Hammond is a Registered Mental Health Counselor Intern at LifeWorks Group w/ over 15 years of experience as a counselor, mentor & teacher for children, teenagers & adults.