Is This the Right One?

By Chris Hammond

How do I know if this person is “the one”? Can I live with them for the rest of my life? Are their behaviors a deal breaker or a bump in the road? If you are in the process of asking yourself these questions, then taking time to evaluate the situation may be in order. Premarital counseling with a pastor or licensed professional can be useful, but in the meantime look through the following checklist for your own self-evaluation.

1. Are there frequent arguments over nothing?

2. Do you or your partner use biting sarcasm to confront issues?

3. Are you staying in the relationship out of fear?

4. Do you have few areas of common interest?

5. Are either you or your partner overly dependent on your parents?

6. Is there any sign of physical, sexual, or verbal abuse?

7. Do you avoid discussing sensitive topics to prevent an argument or because you are afraid of their reaction?

8. Does your partner frequently complain about unreal aches and pains?

9. Does your partner make excuses for not finding a job?

10. Are you or your partner involved in any addiction such as alcoholism, drug use, gambling, or pornography?

11. Does your partner avoid contact with others and prefer to be alone?

12. Do you find yourself always doing what your partner wants to do?

13. Does your partner harm themselves or have extreme irrational fears, bizarre behavior, or inability to be affectionate?

14. Is your partner overly jealous, questioning you all the time about your whereabouts?

15. Is your partner overly critical and demanding that you adjust to their expectations?

16. Are you and your partner dishonest about your sexual past?

17. Do you have an uneasy feeling about the relationship?

18. Are your parents or friends strongly against the relationship?

19. Do you have a feeling of settling for less than the best?

20. Is there spiritual harmony?


Answering yes to a few of these questions does not mean that you are doomed. Rather, it signifies a need to better evaluate your situation and seek counsel outside your relationship. Some of these issues can be resolved quickly so that the foundation of your marriage is stronger than ever. However, if you answered yes to numbers 3, 6, 10, or 13, please seek professional help immediately. Those issues are more long term in nature and marriage will not fix the problem, it will only make it worse.



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"Reprinted with permission from the LifeWorks Group weekly eNews, (Copyright, 2004-2011), To subscribe to this valuable counseling and coaching resource visit www.LifeWorksGroup.org or call 407-647-7005"

About the author- Chris Hammond is a Registered Mental Health Counselor Intern at LifeWorks Group w/ over 15 years of experience as a counselor, mentor & teacher for children, teenagers & adults.

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