Infidelity Quotes

Lust makes us think that having some person we don’t presently have would make us happier. Often that person is simply a figment of our imagination. Even if the person is real, we often attach character traits to him or her that are not real. Usually our lust focuses on sexual involvement. We imagine someone who is terribly fond of us and who prefers our presence and intimacy over anyone else’s. We imagine that if we had such a person to hold in our arms, it would be exciting and wonderfully fulfilling. This is a terrible deception, for it’s a self-centered form of love and we ignore the devastating consequences of living out our imaginations. - Dr. Gary Smalley

Statistically only 3% of married men marry their affair partners and if they do only 3% of these marriages work. "Unfortunately, once the affair becomes a marriage, the same traits the man brought with him to his first marriage, he brings with him to the second. He likely blames his wife for where he’s at, and he’ll likely say he doesn’t love her. In reality, he is a significant part of the problem in his marriage. An affair is characterized by excitement. A large part of what makes it exciting is the “forbidden” element and the lack of commitment. Our culture has been feeding us a lie, that there is a “soul-mate” for each person and we’ll be happy when we find this one magical person. A married man will often give his mistress the impression she is the one. He is often also telling his wife this at the same time." - Anne Bercht, marital researcher

"Regarding temptation: I urge you to be wary of pride in your own infallibility. The minute you begin thinking that an affair “would never happen to me” is when you become most vulnerable. We are sexual creatures with powerful urges. We are also fallen beings with strong desires to do wrong. That is what temptation is all about. Do not give it a place in your life. My father once wrote, “Strong desire is like a powerful river. As long as it stays within the banks of God’s will, all will be proper and clean. But when it overflows those boundaries, devastation awaits downstream. Some time ago I discovered a little recognized, but universal, characteristic of human nature: We value that which we are fortunate to get; we discredit that with which we are stuck! We lust for the very thing which is beyond our grasp; we disdain that same item when it becomes a permanent possession. This helps explain the incredible power that the lure of infidelity can have on our behavior. Nevertheless, God promises to provide a “way out” of temptation if we will look for it, (see I Cor.10:13) Keep looking for the way out and you’ll keep building up trust in your marriage. - Dr. James C. Dobson, founder of Focus on the Family, www.Family.org

Often wayward spouses do not have a history of lying, but their affair turns them into masters of deception. Once in a while the fog will life, and they see how dishonest they have become. When that happens, they usually panic and recognize the affair for the mistake it is. But eventually the fog comes back, clouding their reason, and they go back to their lifestyle of cheating and lying. One of the most common clues that an affair is going on is an unfaithful spouse’s unwillingness to let the other spouse know about all aspects of his or her life. If a spouse refuses to talk about the events of the day, it may be a sign that a secret second life exists. When an unfaithful spouse makes his or her life a private matter, off-limits to the betrayed spouse’s inquiries, the secret second life is difficult to discover. …When you stop to think about it, privacy isn’t something that improves marriages. It’s honesty and openness that improve marriages. The more information you have about each other’s thoughts and activities, the easier it is to meet each other’s needs and resolve conflicts. Privacy actually blocks access to that important information, and that ultimately leads to marital failure.
- Dr. Williard Harley & Dr. Jennifer Harley Chalmers, from the book, "Surviving an Affair"

Part of the problem that folks do not understand in this culture is that there is a divinely placed connection between the soul and the body, and that you cannot engage in some kind of bodily activity without it impacting your soul, your heart, and your mind. It goes deep and leaves profound wounds and scars. - Bob Lepine, cohost of www.familylife.com
Remember, a thirty-five-year marriage does not guarantee a year number thirty-six. Take nothing for granted just because you have it today. - Jim Smoke

In most marriages, the breakdown is not only one spouse’s fault. Rather, the causes appear to be a constellation of general life experiences. Many times, the faithful spouse is inappropriately blamed (especially if it is the wife) for “pushing” the infidel into the affair. Though, I have seen cases where that was true, most of the time it’s a gradual distancing between both partners that lies at the root. For men, the felt need is often loss of playfulness, a lack of flirtation, and an absence of adoration or respect from the wife. For women, it’s typically the loss of tenderness, care, and concern expressed by the husband. Since most of us marry to “get more” of our new spouse—more time together, more fun together, more lovemaking—you can see where disappointment can enter the picture. Most infidelity is about what we call “the five A’s in nurturance” — accommodation, affirmation, adoration, affection, and appreciation. It’s that whole package of emotional nurturance and care, and that’s what happens in marriages. We get so busy we stop taking care of each other. We get so busy, we stop having fun with each other, and that sets the stage, and — boom — people are in trouble." -Dr. Dave Carder, from his book, "Torn Asunder"

Satan’s 2 greatest lies:
(1) it won’t hurt— One time won’t hurt you.
(2) God will never love you anymore— you’ve blown it! -Dr. Neil Clark Anderson, author
Left to our own resources, more times than not, we will sin sexually. The pressures are just too great. That’s why a vital relationship with God is critical. Without it, good sex is simply not possible. Only fully devoted, committed, authentic Christians can feel the inner tug of the Holy Spirit, the voice that tells us “Abhor evil, cling to good.” -Bill Hybels, from his book, "Tender Love”

A study from the University of Florida finds that 83% of spouses who had Internet encounters with the opposite sex didn’t consider it to be cheating. “The Internet will soon become the most common form of infidelity, if it isn’t already. Never before has the dating world been so handy for married men and women looking for a fling. With cybersex, there’s no longer any need for secret trips to obscure motels. An online liaison may even take place in the same room with one’s spouse.” In the words of one 41-year-old man in the study, “All I have to do is turn on my computer, and I have thousands of women to choose from. (It) can’t get any easier than that.”
- Beatriz Mileham, PhD, University of Florida

Chat rooms are the fastest-rising cause of relationship breakdowns, and the problem only stands to get worse as today’s population of Internet users, estimated at 649 million worldwide, continues to grow. -Counseling Research from the University of Florida
The very deceptive thing about these online affairs is that, like in dating relationships, you’re only seeing the best part of the other person. That is a lie from Satan that really sandbags a lot of marriages. I urge Christian husbands and wives to steer clear of Internet chat rooms geared specifically for married couples, and to be as intentional about investing and managing their relationships as they might be about their 401-K. -Glenn Stanton, Focus on the Family marriage analyst, www.Family.org

Business travelers “are on a slippery slope headed for trouble” any time they go out to an entertainment venue, drink alcohol, eat expensive meals together, have time “to build a social, platonic friendship” and return to the same hotel. “Secrecy is the protection; alcohol is the barrier buster; and availability lights the fire.” - Dr. Dave Carder, Christian Counselor
Even if intense emotional affairs in the workplace didn’t lead to sex they are a threat to marriages and part of the new crisis of infidelity. The reason is that the emotional intimacy with a co-worker or friend gradually, and almost invisibly, supplants that with the spouse.
-Dr. Shirley Glass

Adultery is grounds for divorce—but not necessarily a reason for divorce. I know a couple who came very close to divorcing. He had an affair and his wife had a hard time trusting him, especially if he was late for dinner or late coming home after work. Once when he was late, she accused him of seeing “her” again. He was about to defend himself and speak harsh words to her about “this never-ending mistrust.” But instead, he thought for a few seconds before opening his mouth and realized just how forgiving and loving she is to have stayed in the marriage. Then when he opened his mouth, he spoke words of kindness and love by saying, “Thank you for your commitment to me and forgiveness." By questioning me now and then, it only proves to me how much you love me, and I’m so grateful to you!” When he started to react, he caught himself remembering what a great wife she is. That is living out the principle from James 1:19, which says "Everyone should be quick to listen, slow to speak and slow to become angry." What a blessing to be able to respond to any situation with positive, uplifting words. This is truly a mark of maturity. Will you take responsibility for your words when you find yourself in a potentially explosive conflict? -Dr Gary Smalley, founder of www.dnaofrelationships.com

62% of unfaithful men and 46% of the women met their illicit partner through work. “In the new infidelity, affairs do not have to be sexual. Infidelity is any emotional or sexual intimacy that violates trust. I’m tempted to go to all the buildings downtown and put up a sign, “DANGER ZONE: Men and Women at Work.” Today’s workplace is the most common breeding ground for affairs. It’s the proximity and collegiality — the intimacy of working together, not bad marriages—that is the slippery slope to infidelity." -Dr. Shirley Glass, from her book, "NOT just friends: Protect your Relationship from Infidelity and Heal the Trauma of Betrayal"
"Affairs cause marriages to turn bad more often than bad marriages cause affairs. “If you meet enough people, you’ll eventually find someone with whom you have chemistry.”
-Pat Love, Imago Therapist

"For those who are going through, or love someone going through, the aftermath of finding out about a spouse’s adultery: Our hearts break for you, and we want you to know there is hope. Marriages can heal. We know, because ours did. We know, because we’ve been able to support other couples facing this anguish. We also know it will be one of the hardest things you will ever go through. It would have been far easier at the time for us to split up. And we would not have been condemned for doing so. That same thing is true for many others. We know these words seem hard to believe. When you go through this crisis, you feel as if the weight of the world is pressing down on you. Then the fiery darts from hell come faster and faster, and your shield of faith seems to offer little protection. You are fighting for your marriage with every ounce of strength you can muster until you begin to fear you’re going to lose the battle. Remember, this is where Satan wants you, and he will be faithful to keep the burners on high. Why? He wants you to become another statistic. So let us repeat ourselves: You don’t have to give up! You can make it! - Gary & Mona Shriver, from their book “Unfaithful"

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