The Lifeworks Group, Inc.

  Some perfectionists are the proud, card carrying type. They believe that being hard on themselves and others makes them and others better. And better is what they are driven to become. And probably, even if they don’t say it, is the belief that this is the right way to live and progress. And people who don’t rigorously follow the same approach in life are misguided and wimpy and less successful than they could be. They might be right about that last one. Depending on how you define successful. How many happy perfectionists do you know? Then there’s the second group; those who are burdened by their perfectionism and wish that they could change. They are aware that they are critical about everything and that they are rarely ever satisfied. They are driven to get things done and have measurable results to confirm that they are achieving. But, if they get twelve things done, they believe they should have accomplished 14 or 20. And if they make a mistake – well, they can’t...

  By: Brian M Murray, MS, IMH Social phobia is a very common anxiety disorder. One of the most common forms of social phobia which many people can identify with is stage fright. Social phobia is not to be confused with antisocial behavior or antisocial personality disorder which is identified as a pervasive pattern of disregard and violation of the rights of others. Social phobia has to do with fear and worry of people and events that involve other people. People with social phobia worry about being viewed in a negative way or scrutinized by others in social situations in where they are unfamiliar with the other people. While fear of public speaking is the most common form of this condition there are other areas that you may not be aware of such as being afraid to go into public bathrooms, eating and drinking alone or even doing everyday tasks such as going to the grocery store. Often this person will walk into a room and keep their back to the wall or stay close to an...

By Chris Hammond Technically, no one can “make” you angry unless you give them that right.   While it may seem as though the actions of another person are “making you angry”, in actuality it is your set of experiences, emotions, beliefs, and ideals that cause you to get angry.   For instance, one person may become angry at being cut off while driving while another person may not even notice the action.   The difference between the two people is one person took the action as a personal offense while the other person did not.   The person cutting you off did not “make” you angry; rather you became angry because of how you perceived their action. So while another person can’t “make” you angry, you can “make” your kid angry.   Why the double standard?   Because your kid is a child and you are an adult.   With maturity comes the ability to temper or control your responses which is the idea of having “self-control”.   But for a child, they ...

By: Brian M Murray, MS, IMH Depression is one of the most commonly overlooked and misunderstood conditions that occur in men. Men experience symptoms of depression differently than women. Characteristics often found in men may not seem like depression at all but some other kind of issue that they might be experiencing. An angry mood lasting two weeks or longer is often a common symptom so the strong pervasive sadness associated with depression may be absent. It may become apparent that something is “off” by having more frequent mood swings and negativity and yet it is difficult to try and pinpoint the problem. What happens when men experience depression is they often fall into old belief patters that somehow they have to be strong and tough it out. Over time this depression begins to wear them out and they begin to look defeated and withdrawn. Sometimes the depression is anger turned inward and it becomes a catch 22 with anger leading to depression and vice versa. Over tim...

  By Chris Hammond It is such a huge burden when you are the only responsible person in the room.   Why can’t everyone around you just see how much work you have to do all day long?   If only this person would do this and that person would do that then everything would be fine.   But no, instead you have to do this and that because no one else will do it and it must be done.   While doing everyone else’s work is tiring and can provoke you to anger, secretly you actually enjoy being the person who gets it all done.   After all, if this person did this and that person did that then how can you be admired for all the extra work you do?   The curse of being overly responsible is that without irresponsible people around, how can you be overly responsible?   This means that at some level you actually get satisfaction from being overly responsible or you would not keep doing it.   So, what does it mean to be overly responsible? ...

  By: Brian M Murray, MS, IMH Guilt and shame are common feelings experienced by many people. Often these feelings when associated with an internal negative view of the self may suggest feelings of “I am bad.” Like a grinding gear working in the background of the psyche something is off and you just can’t seem to pinpoint it.   Sometimes in the course of interacting with other people suggestive language they use can induce these feelings. But does this make them true? Living a life that is full of other people’s expectations can be a tall order. At times impossible odds are seemingly stacked high and trying to overcome them leads to feelings of not being able to measure up. Other people’s expectations in reality are often veiled and buried in the use of the word “should.” When the word should is used inappropriately it can often induce feelings of false guilt. False guilt is the result of a person subjecting themselves to another person’s will of what “should” be ...

  By Brian Murray and Christine Hammond On the way to a county wedding out of town, he is driving because she took too long to get ready and now they are running late.   Her.   [Great, he’s lost again for the hundredth time.   He won’t stop and ask for directions and now I’m going to miss the processional after all that hard work on the flowers.   See he doesn’t really care about what I do.   Oh no, what is he wearing?   He doesn’t really think that tie matches, does he?] “ Honey, I don’t recognize this way.” Him .   [Gosh why can’t she just shut up, I’m tired of being talked to like a two year old.] “I’m going the way the GPS told me to go.” Her. [ Stupid GPS, doesn’t he know by now that it can’t be trusted?   Why can’t he just use some common sense for a change and follow the directions my Aunt gave us.   She went out of her way on a very busy day to send us special directions and now I’ll have to tell her that ...