The Lifeworks Group, Inc.

By: Brian Murray, LMHC “Shame is a soul eating emotion.” ― C.G. Jung Guilt and shame are a dynamic duo often found in the lives of many people. It can be experienced on many levels and often comes with the price of our overall mental well-being. There is a distinct difference between the two and often people become confused about what they are experiencing. Guilt is something that is experienced in the present. Often a person does something that may cause a feeling or regret overdoing it, feels guilty and then decides on how to proceed by either attempting to right a wrong or coming to the conclusion that their behavior is justified and drop the guilt and move on. Shame is guilt for doing, or not doing, something and then harboring that guilt over time. What happens when a person carries shame is there is something tugging at them inside to correct a situation. This internal pull begins to infiltrate every part of the person and over time it begins to cause other prob...

By Matt W. Sandford, LMHC Sometimes folks come to me and we are working on something and inevitably their past comes up. It could be about some kind of mistreatment or abuse or of some dysfunction in their past environment. And there is of course the “stuff” inside us that relates to our experience of our parents and family. And pretty often we end up landing on a person’s young adult life choices, including sexual promiscuousness. Most feel a sense of shame and guilt about those choices and don’t want to talk about it. So, I thought maybe it would help if I were to write about it and provide some insight into how to approach these past issues. I was reading recently about the prophet Jeremiah in the Old Testament of the Bible. There is a section in which he observes a potter working on making a pot. He forms a pot, but it collapses due to some weakness in the structure. But instead of the potter throwing it away and starting with new clay, he picks up the pieces and mashes them...

By: Aaron Welch     This will not be a fun article for me to write.   In fact, my heart hurts to even sit down and begin typing.   It's because I screwed up.   I mean.......I royally screwed up tonight.   If I could go somewhere and hide under a rock, I would.   Honestly, there was a moment tonight when I thought about packing a bag and just taking off to some hotel, rather than face my family.   In the past fifteen years or so, there have not been too many moments that I've been ashamed of....but tonight was one.     If you ask anyone who knows me they will tell you that one of the greatest passions of my life is being a dad.   Honestly, it's the ONE thing I've always wanted to be.....a father.   I grew up idolizing my dad and the love and support I always felt from him was an anchor for me as I moved into adulthood.   I believe God used my dad to instill in me a deep, fiery passion to invest in the lives ...

By Matt W Sandford, LMHC Let’s face it; if you have been striving to be a good parent, then you’ve felt guilt. Then again, if you’ve not been striving too much, it may also be from guilt. Either way, guilt and parenting seem to go hand in hand. But parenting guilt can be particularly heavy, more so than other types of guilt. Why is this? Because the stakes are higher, we tell ourselves. The fear of messing up our kids, or the belief that one already has done so, can be devastating to one’s emotional health, as well as damaging to the relationship with our kids. Let’s look at this in more detail and then I’ll offer some suggestions for freedom from this kind of guilt. The Two Guilts: False Guilt and True Guilt We’ve done something to our kids that we believe is wrong, or hurtful, or neglectful. Maybe you feel it as soon as it happens – like the times you overreact to misbehavior and yell, belittle, lecture, use sarcasm, ...

By Chris Hammond Have you ever Googled “eliminate stress” only to find a long list of impossible tasks from people who obviously don’t have a job and aren’t married with kids?   My personal favorite ideas were to quit work (really? because last time I checked you work to earn money to care for your family and quitting work would add considerable stress to your life), have an open schedule (this is laughable as my schedule is almost entirely dictated by my kids’ activities), and avoid difficult people (yes, that is really possible when you work with difficult people all day long).   You already know that you need to reduce the stress in your life but having ridiculous suggestions about how to go about it only increases stress and gives you the impression that reducing stress in your very busy life is impossible.   It’s not. Here are a few suggestions that have been tested and proven to be effective by very busy people like you. 1.     ...

By Christine Hammond You are having an affair.   This wasn’t intention, you didn’t even see it coming but here you are anyway in    the middle of an affair.   It started off easily and innocently with a glance when you noticed the other person and got noticed back; it felt good to have someone look at you like that way again.   The other person took an interest in you, in your problems, in your frustrations, and in your successes without judgment, resentment, or selfishness.   It began with an occasional face-to-face conversation then the conversation became more private through texting and emails.   You found yourself looking for opportunities to meet and to touch casually noticing their smell, their look, and their eyes longing for the next meeting. Finally it happened, the connection that began as emotional became physical.   It seemed so natural, so comfortable, and so normal that you hardly noticed something was wrong.   But...

  By Chris Hammond You thought that when the papers were signed for the divorce everything would be better and you would finally feel relief and calm.   But you don’t.   Somehow the hurt emotions intensify and unexpected emotions of remorse, sadness, and guilt pile on top of bitterness, resentment, and frustration.   This has left you confused, disoriented, and even wondering if you made a mistake.   You begin to relive the marriage all over again looking desperately for answers as to why this happened, what went wrong, and how could things have been dealt with differently.   But you are afraid to confine in friends and relatives because they have supported the divorce and your questioning is unwelcome after they have taken a stance for you. So you find yourself even more alone than before the divorce wondering if this lonely feeling will ever go away.   And it will, but not today or even tomorrow.   A divorce is more than the end o...

Brian M Murray, MS, IMH “Integrity is telling myself the truth. And honesty is telling the truth to other people.”                     -Spencer Johnson Is there integrity in addiction? Absolutely, that is if the addicted person is willing to admit the truth that they have a problem. Integrity is about being honest with themselves about who they are as a person. Sharing the truth about having an addiction with others is also about having integrity. Being able to express who they are with a professional licensed counselor or addictions professional can take an enormous effort. In addition to licensed professionals are support groups such as Celebrate Recovery, Alcoholics Anonymous, Narcotics Anonymous and dozens of other 12 step anonymous groups. Depending on the specific problem a person is experiencing chances are there is a recovery program for it. Often people suffering wi...

By Matt W. Sandford Last time we identified ten signs of the perfectionist. And I suggested that there are two types of perfectionists, the ones who take pride in this defining characteristic and those who feel plagued by it. Obviously, my intended audience is for those in the second category. It is my opinion that perfectionists of both categories would benefit, however, those who appreciate their perfectionism would not likely be interested, because they value their world view very highly and believe that it makes them the best they can be. In fact, they may feel as if I am trying to undermine them, to steal something that they have come to rely on. They have come to rely on their perfectionism to direct them, to propel them to achieve, to protect them from failure and mistakes. Ah-ha, I think we have uncovered the sneaky culprit! For these folks, underneath the honoring of their driving perfectionism is fear; fear of not achieving a high enough standard. And now we are tal...