The Lifeworks Group, Inc.

A relationship strengthening guide for intimate connections By: Dwight Bain LMHC  Can a stuffed animal with a romantic message solve a relationship problem? Nope. Neither can a trip to the jewelry store, boxes of chocolate, sappy cards, balloons or vases of expensive flowers… none of these can fix a distant, damaged or dying relationship. But the VASE can.   Let me explain why. Relationships take work. There is no easy way to achieve closeness and connection on an intimate level without time, talking and gentle touch. It can’t be done. We’ve all seen the commercials about a couple having a romantic exchange in a restaurant as the waiter brings them a special dessert with a diamond ring attached to a note that says, “ Marry me”.   But as a counselor of more than 30 years I can tell you if that couple were distant or detached from each other before they got to the restaurant the jewelry would only be a shiny trinket that didn’t repair hurt, selfishne...

By Matt W. Sandford, LMHC Financial stress is about as common as Geico commercials, just much more annoying. The commercials are short and sometimes funny. Not so with most financial challenges and the stress they produce. However, I’d like to propose that there are three types of stress responses associated with financial difficulty, based not on someone’s situation as much as on their perceptions about their situation. I’m going to break down these three types and then offer my take on how to address each one. The first type looks over the basic situation of amounts coming in and going out. They tally up the numbers and see the shortfall. They also look around at all the things that are missing from their homes or lives or environment and they compare to what the other families around them have. “Wow, my kids don’t have those new phones, or that new thing that they’ve been bugging me about. They say everyone has one. And it probably would help them with their school ...

    By Laura Hull, LMFT Coping Coach   Disillusioned? Disgruntled? Doggone tired of worrying about financial issues, both of a personal nature and for the country as a whole?   You are not alone…. There’s a choir of worrying handwringers waiting to join hands with you, while singing of the plight of “Gina and Tommy” in a verse of “Living on a Prayer” (80’s hair and all).   As much as songwriters like to write songs about the romantic notion of “all you need is love” and “we’ll live on love”, the rest of us who live in the real world know all too well about the financial pain many are experiencing and the worry and fear that go along with it.   A government shutdown created by the bickering of those some would argue are fat cat politicians does not conjure up positive feelings or hopeful sentiment from a large population of people who are struggling financially in their day to day lives.   While 800,000 government workers are seeing their...

  By Laura Hull, LMFT Coping Coach   If you’ve read enough of my blogs, you probably will find a common thread among them that starts with “if I had a buck for every time…I’d be writing this from _____” (fill in the blank with some exotic location).   So in an effort to maintain continuity, here you go: if I had a buck for every time I heard someone give a misguided reason for not going for counseling at a time when he/she really needs it, I’d be writing this blog from the sunny beaches of Australia . Here are three of the top reasons I have heard:   Myth 1:   Counseling is too expensive .     Truth 1 :   Divorce is more expensive. Medications are often more expensive.   Losing relationships are more expensive (emotionally).   Losing your ability to experience joy is more expensive.   Times are tough for many people right now.   When people are living paycheck to paycheck or are between jobs, it can ...

By Laura Hull, LMFT Coping Coach Are you sick of worrying about money?  Is the stress of keeping up with the Joneses or maybe just making the minimum payments sucking the joy out of your life?  The economy has been tough for a few years now.  This is not news.  Many people are struggling in many ways these days.  Again, this is not news.  Those who find themselves reading this article are likely either struggling with financial problems or love someone who is.  This is a reality of the world we live in.  Financial problems can cause a tremendous amount of stress in our families and in our marriages.  Money problems are some of the most identified problems in couples work.  We can’t control the world economy, but there are things we can do to minimize the stressors that debt and problems with managing money can bring into our lives.   Tired of being under the weight of debt?  Here are the first steps on the r...

By Matt W. Sandford Halloween is all about scary stuff. Sure there’s the tame stuff like superheroes and princesses, just so commercialism can make sure everyone is included. But monsters, ghosts and blood, gore, horror and death – that’s what Halloween is about. We are strangely drawn to the creepy, the weird, and the bizarre. I remember as a kid tooling around on the TV while visiting my Aunt’s for the weekend. There was always an old time horror movie on Sunday afternoons. The Creature From the Black Lagoon, The Man With Two Heads, The Blob. And I remember one time coming across a scene where a can opener was beginning to attach to someone’s neck. I remember being so grossed out and not wanting to watch, but not being able to pull my eyes away. But I was wondering the other day, are these the things that really scare most people? We hold an odd fascination and curiosity for things mysterious – and death and the spiritual world are certainly that. However, it seems to me...

By Chris Hammond, MS, IMH He was the responsible one, the one everyone depended on because they knew he would come through.   He was determined, focused, ambitious, reliable, detail-oriented and motivated yet here he sits having to make one of the hardest decisions in his life, one that would forever tarnish his reputation.   It is the decision to file for bankruptcy.   There is a part of him that intellectually knows it must be done as the numbers don’t allow for any other alternative yet there is another part of him that is not willing to admit failure.   And that is exactly how he sees it, as failure and a blemish to his name which will never be forgotten.   No amount of mutual bankruptcy filers including various famous or successful people seem to calm his anxiety or set him further at ease.   No amount of verbal encouragement from a variety of friends and family seem to lift his spirits.   And no amount of logical detailed analysis se...

By Chris Hammond, MS, IMH One of the hardest areas for most couples to agree is in the area of money and finances. In fact, most divorces are the result of disagreements over money that date back to the beginning of their marriage. Failing to plan for your finances to be joined together is a recipe for disaster. There are many financial courses available to you such as Financial Peace University and Crown Ministries both of which lay a solid financial base and should be considered within the first year of your marriage. Until then, here are a couple of potential differences in your financial perspective to discuss and compare notes. By spending time now understanding each other’s perspective, some of the tension involving money can be minimized. Different socioeconomic backgrounds. You may not have grown up in the same zip code or come from the same financial background. Some families tend to be savers and some tend to be spenders, your family’s financial background has...

By Chris Hammond, MS Our recent economic times have hit many people hard with more people homeless, in the process of foreclosure, without jobs, working jobs well beneath their skill level or filing for bankruptcy than I have seen in my lifetime. While it is easy to blame others for our troubles and in this economic climate, there are certainly factors beyond our control; we also must look at the actions we have taken to contribute to the problem. Jonah, Job and Jerusalem all faced overwhelming difficulties and while we may not be swallowed by a great fish, have our home and family destroyed in a day, or have our king assassinate every family member in a feuding family, we can apply the lessons learned from their lives to ours today. Jonah. Jonah knew what God wanted him to do, he just did not want to do it so he took a ride on a ship headed for the opposite direction of what God wanted. The result was a great storm nearly sank the ship, the crew confronted Jonah, Jonah confessed ...

Managing stressful moods attached to money By Dwight Bain When you are one paycheck away from financial disaster it doesn’t take much to trip and fall over into the abyss of despair. News of foreclosures, downsizing and soaring bankruptcy levels only make it worse for terrified and stressed out families who often feel stuck in what I call “ Survival Mode ”. When a family feels stuck in the survival mode they worry about everything . Stress comes from every side; getting enough groceries or gasoline can be a struggle, trying to figure out how to get through the challenges of making rent, trying to find enough money to turn around and pay down their growing debts. A roof over their head is one of the biggest factors because often they are forced to move from the home they have lived in for years over to more affordable temporary housing. They have to go through major adjustments because of reduced financial resources which ripple over into areas you might not think of like family members...