The Lifeworks Group, Inc.

By: Megan Muñoz IMH What do you think of when you think about forgiveness? The general concept of forgiveness is known somewhat by everyone. Most people have scratched the surface of it through stories, teachings or literature, but not many have gone deeper to understand and apply the healing it has to offer. Still fewer have actually walked the long and difficult path of forgiveness. Of those who have, only small fragments of what it cost to get to the end of it are shared. So what are some of the truths about forgiveness that can help us develop a healthy understanding of its purpose in our lives and relationships? Forgiveness sets YOU free . Many people think that forgiveness is primarily for the benefit of the person who needs to be forgiven, but the process of working towards forgiveness has a deeper effect on the forgiver. While forgiveness can work healing in the life of the offender, its primary task is to work towards healing in the heart ...

Before Moving into Forgiveness, Maybe It’s Time to Get Angry! By: Brian M Murray, M.S. “When we are no longer able to change a situation, we are challenged to change ourselves.” ― Viktor E. Frankl Is it possible to be overly forgiving of another person? For example, when another person does something in a marriage, such as adultery and then running off with the adulterer, at what point does the person who is left behind stop thinking of themselves as a victim of circumstances? Often times we hear stories about how a long time marriage ends with a spouse running off with a lover. The other spouse is left feeling abandoned, destroyed and reeling with all kinds of emotions and questions. Sometimes the person left behind will somehow hold themselves responsible for the decision the other person has made to run off. There are a couple of dynamics going on with a scenario like this. If the the spouse who has been betrayed f...

By Chris Hammond, MS, IMH One of the most frequently asked questions by couples preparing to get married are, “How much of my sexual past do I need to reveal to my partner?”   While this can be a difficult question to answer, there are some basic guidelines to follow. 1.        Don’t lie.   Starting off your marriage with a lie is not a strong foundation and sooner or later the truth will come out in the most horrible way.   Even though it might hurt your partner’s feelings or you might potentially lose them, it is far better to be honest and suffer the immediate consequences then it is to lie and live with life-long guilt and much worse consequences.   Remember a lie is not just speaking untruthfully; it is also withholding the truth. 2.        Disclose any health hazards.   Some states require that you disclose any sexually transmitted diseases or infections before they offer a marriage...

By: Christine Hammond, MS, IMH College towns are hard to get around just on foot because of the distance between classes and dorms, so as a college student, I took up bike riding.   One day while riding in the street, granted I was riding in the opposite direction of traffic which is strangely prophetic of my college years, my wheel got caught in an old railroad track causing my bike to twist and overturn.   As my head was falling to the ground, I looked up to see a car headed straight for me.   Suddenly, my life literally flashed before my eyes with all of its highs and lows.   Thankfully the car stopped just before it reached my head and I suffered only a sprained ankle and a fractured arm. Take a moment and imagine the highs and lows of your life right now, what images or people would pop into your head?   More than likely there are high moments with people and places of great excitement, joy, and love.   More than likely there are also low mom...

By Chris Hammond, MS, IMH I would be out of a job if husbands forgave wives, wives forgave husbands, children forgave their parents, siblings forgave one another, friends forgave each other, workers forgave their bosses and nations forgave nations. Imagine for a moment a child forgiving a parent who verbally belittled them instead of harboring that resentment well into adulthood and either repeating that pattern with their own children or worse internalizing the thoughtless comment. Imagine a worker forgiving their boss for taking undeserved credit for a job well done instead of finding ways to even the score. “Impossible” you say? Signs of unforgiveness are everywhere in our culture. Just turn on a talk show any day of the week and you will hear story after story of one person who believes they are justified in their anger. And sadly, sometimes they are justified but there is a better way. If we can identify the early warning signs of unforgiveness in our own lives and lear...

By Linda Riley, LMFT When King David took Bathsheba, the wife of Uriah, God told him through the prophet Nathan that because of this great sin, the son born to them would die. After this the child became ill. David pleaded with God for his child. He fasted and spent the nights lying on the ground praying and refusing to eat. The child died on the seventh day. David’s servants feared telling David, as he may do something desperate. But when David heard the news, he got up, washed, changed his clothes and worshipped God. Then he requested food and he ate. His servants were puzzled by his behavior and asked him; "why did you fast and weep when the child was alive and get up and eat now that the child is dead?" David’s answer is interesting; he responded “while the child was still alive, I fasted and wept. I thought, WHO KNOWS? the Lord may be gracious to me and let the child live. But now that he is dead, why should I fast, can I bring him back again? I will go to ...

By Linda Riley, LMFT and Certified Sex Therapist Stories of trauma and pain are part of my normal day as a therapist. I hear about hurt that starts in early childhood for some and continuing throughout life for others. Have you ever wondered how early childhood pain or trauma affect ones capacity to love? And to those who have been serious hurt, it possible to be so damaged emotionally that you actually can't love again? To start answering that important question, let's look at the research. There seems to be a significant increase in the number of people in our culture who exhibit narcissistic personality traits. They learn to deal with their hurt by over loving themselves. While there may be a difference between traits of a narcissistic personality and full fledged narcissistic personality disorder, it is getting harder to diagnose and distinguish. When I was a graduate student narcissistic personality disorder was commonly believed to be present in only about 1 % of the po...

The ability and willingness to forgive the people who hurt us is one of the more difficult requirements for many Christians. I say “requirement” because God commands us to forgive other people. Jesus also emphasized that we must love our enemies and focused on the fact that anyone can love or forgive those people who are nice to us in return. It takes a truly mature Christian to offer forgiveness to the person that wounds us deeply and shows no remorse. Let me offer two common reasons that many of us struggle to forgive. First, many people struggle to forgive others because they have never resolved the painful wounds of their past. In my ministry as a therapist, I meet people every day who have been deeply wounded and hurt by past insults, abuse, or betrayal. These hurts run deep and it is often easier to avoid dealing with them rather than face them and work through the emotions that accompany them. However, when we sweep our pain under the rug, it is always lurking...

One of the most difficult scriptures to apply in our lives is Jesus’ teaching on “turning the other cheek” when somebody attacks us or insults us. For many of us (including yours truly) our first reaction to an attack is to defend ourselves. In fact, when it comes to dealing with a perceived attack upon us, many of us subscribe to the theory that “the best defense is a good offense”! Yes, Jesus was clearly showing his listeners that the Lord wants us to refrain from indulging our urges for personal vengeance. In fact, he leads up to this teaching by citing the fact that the religious leaders of the day were encouraging the “eye for an eye” principle on dealing with conflict. But, he then tells the people that this is not the way he wants his disciples to handle their relationships. Talk about a hard teaching to swallow! So, how do we apply this principle to our everyday lives? When our spouse lays into us right where it hurts, how can we refrain from firing back? When our boss lets us ...

Outquote: No kindness, no matter how small, is ever wasted. Have you ever had one of those days where you were reminded of your past? Not the regrets and guilt from past mistakes, rather the blessings of remembering how God used others to share His grace and love with you. That’s the kind of memory that brings comfort from knowing that God was always reaching out to you, even when you didn’t know it was Him. Let me tell you a story about David Hurd, a man who illustrates this type of grace messenger to show you how this spiritual process works. But blessed are those who trust in the Lord and have made the Lord their hope and confidence. ~ Jeremiah 17:7 The 1970’s were a calm time in Central Florida and life was good. Orlando was a small town of closely connected families and businesses, so churches tended to reflect that same sense of connection. Brother Dave Hurd was my youth pastor when I was an impressionable teenager under his leadership. To put it bluntly I was just another “nerd...