Six Truths About Forgiveness
By: Megan Muñoz IMH
What do you think of when you think about forgiveness? The general
concept of forgiveness is known somewhat by everyone. Most people have
scratched the surface of it through stories, teachings or literature, but not
many have gone deeper to understand and apply the healing it has to offer.
Still fewer have actually walked the long and difficult path of forgiveness. Of
those who have, only small fragments of what it cost to get to the end of it are
shared. So what are some of the truths about forgiveness that can help us
develop a healthy understanding of its purpose in our lives and relationships?
- Forgiveness sets YOU free. Many people think that forgiveness is primarily for the benefit of the person who needs to be forgiven, but the process of working towards forgiveness has a deeper effect on the forgiver. While forgiveness can work healing in the life of the offender, its primary task is to work towards healing in the heart of the one who has been hurt.
- Forgiveness does not create a relationship. Forgiveness does not necessarily re-establish a relationship that existed before the offense, nor does it create a completely new relationship. Forgiveness does not necessarily re-establish trust either. Forgiveness is the process of clearing out the rubble from the destruction of the offense and preparing the ground for possible future healthy relationships. Rebuilding on the cleared ground will take time and commitment from both parties in order to create a new structure and rebuild trust.
- You must know what you need to forgive. The work of forgiveness requires more than generalities. Part of the process of forgiveness is to acknowledge the specific ways you have been hurt and begin the process of forgiving the specific wrongs done to you. A generality would be like saying you need to forgive someone for hurting you. Being specific would be like acknowledging the specific way someone hurt you.
- Forgiveness is messy. Far too often, we only get to hear the end of a person’s forgiveness story. Of course we have some detached idea of how hard it must have been, but all we see is the healed and renewed person after their journey. If we could see video footage from the whole length of the journey, we would see many hours of sloshing through mud and struggling with the task of even saying the words “I forgive” out loud along the way.
- Forgiveness is a journey. A journey that looks different for everyone. Often times, we need to begin the journey of forgiveness before we feel like it. Sometimes the journey begins with the fight to just say the words “I forgive” inside your head and then eventually you can say them out loud. Then you can start to say them every day and the more you acknowledge how you were hurt and choose to move in the direction of forgiveness instead of bitterness, the more forgiveness will bind up the broken places caused by the offense.
- Forgiveness is not an excuse for continued abuse. Forgiving someone who is currently abusing you should never be an excuse to stay in the abusive situation. If you are being abused or harmed by someone, your attempts to forgive them does not give them an excuse to continue hurting you and does not mean you need to stay and continue to endure under the abuse. Remember, forgiveness does not equal a relationship. There is much more that will need to be built on the ground of forgiveness in order to re-establish a safe and trusting relationship.
Talking with a trusted friend or counselor through your journey of
forgiveness can help in the process of acknowledging the pain of the wounds you
received and learning how to move forward in releasing the hold they have on
your life.
To schedule an
appointment with Megan Muñoz,
Please call our
office at 407-647-7005.
