The Lifeworks Group, Inc.

 By: Megan Brewer, LMHC Caring for yourself with an emphasis on mental health has become an increasingly familiar topic, and the more we learn about mental health, the more necessary it becomes to pay attention and care well for every part of ourselves. As we discover more about the human brain and body, we recognize the greater need to tend to our internal world because it will ultimately impact all the other parts of us. However, in order to tend well to your mental health, you first have to become aware of your current mental health landscape: How aware are you of what you experience in your daily life or in situations that are out of the ordinary?  Do you know how the things happening to you and around you impact how you feel and think? Do you know how they impact your relationships?   Knowing these things are prerequisites to creating healthy strategies to care for your internal world. The problem is, knowing anything requires us to be activel...

By: Brian Murray, LMHC “Shame is a soul eating emotion.” ― C.G. Jung Guilt and shame are a dynamic duo often found in the lives of many people. It can be experienced on many levels and often comes with the price of our overall mental well-being. There is a distinct difference between the two and often people become confused about what they are experiencing. Guilt is something that is experienced in the present. Often a person does something that may cause a feeling or regret overdoing it, feels guilty and then decides on how to proceed by either attempting to right a wrong or coming to the conclusion that their behavior is justified and drop the guilt and move on. Shame is guilt for doing, or not doing, something and then harboring that guilt over time. What happens when a person carries shame is there is something tugging at them inside to correct a situation. This internal pull begins to infiltrate every part of the person and over time it begins to cause other prob...

By: Nate Webster, IMH Our emotions are more like their own living creature than many of us would like to admit. We have to feed them and let them out and we also need to listen to them and give them time to vent. But many of us have a love-hate relationship with our emotions. Sometimes our emotions awkwardly make messes all over life, and other times they feel so locked up in a chest we’re not sure how we’ll ever pry them out! Well, many things contribute to what I like to call a “Complex Emotional Life” or CEL for short. Below are four behaviors that may be keeping you in your CEL. Your emotions aren’t a hurdle, they’re a compass: If you want to get out of your CEL, start paying more attention to what your feelings may be saying instead of trying so hard to make them go away. If you’re always anxious, think about what may be scaring you? Maybe you find yourself sad, reflect on how your needs are not being met. If you treat your negative feelings more like a compass that may b...

By: Christine Hammond, LMHC One of the hardest types of people to deal with is a narcissist in the middle their addiction. They are completely exhausting. The combined selfishness of narcissism and addictive behavior is overpowering, relentless, callous, and frequently abusive. This destructive blend of arrogant thinking in that they are always right and that they do not have a problem leads to devastating consequences. There are many parts to the addicted narcissist and their road to recovery. The point of this article is to recognize the injurious behavior so more reasonable expectations can be established during the process and for the family. Origins. In both addicts and narcissists, shame is the common denominator. Stage two of Erik Erikson’s Psychosocial Development which occurs between 18 months and three years old has shame as the negative outcome. Not all narcissists or addicts have trauma during these years, but it can be a good place to begin. Because there is a ...

Brian M. Murray, MS, IMH Codependency used to be associated only with those who are in a relationship with someone who has an addiction. Codependent is a term that arose out of the addiction community that addicts used to described the type of person to whom they would show love in order to use them as a resource to feed their habit. More recently, codependency has been expanded as a broader term to describe a behavior pattern that can affect anyone, not just those who are in relationship with an addict. Codependency is identified when a person sacrifices their well-being in favor of the interests and well-being of others. The other is usually a person with whom they are in a significant or marriage relationship. Codependency can happen in other areas as well such as family, church and at work. While all people need community and to feel accepted, codependents go out of their way to get this acceptance and love from others, often to the detriment of their true self character ...

By: Brian M Murray, MS One of the hallmarks of a great marriage or relationship is being involved with a person who values the other person’s feelings in a respectful and caring way. Validation in a relationship is kind of like a relationship health check. It is the ability to communicate thoughts and feelings that are accepted by the other person. Healthy relationships do not criticize or belittle the other person for expressing their feelings. Whether intentional or not, being critical or belittling the other person can send signals that what is being expressed implies the other is wrong, or somehow it makes them a bad person. Invalidation is negative behavior that can and often turns the overall mood of the relationship sour. The initial gut response to the negativity is often anger and resentment. The anger and resentment are the result of feeling the pain of the invalidating comment. Emotional support is very important as it validates each other’s feelings by commu...

  By Chris Hammond So what does it meant to love someone that you are divorcing?   Let’s review the second part of this passage from 1 Corinthians 13:4- 7, “ Love is patient and kind. Love is not jealous or boastful or proud   or rude. It does not demand its own way. It is not irritable, and it keeps no record of being wronged.   It does not rejoice about injustice but rejoices whenever the truth wins out.     Love never gives up, never loses faith, is always hopeful, and endures through every circumstance.” Not Demanding.   Wanting things the way you want them is demanding, selfish, immature, and often unrealistic.   It is so hard to see things from your ex’s point of view during a divorce but your Christianity asks this very thing of you.   It takes a great deal of self-control to put your wants aside and see things from your ex’s perspective however if you can do this, your divorce will go far smoother. Not Irri...

By: Brian M Murray, MS, IMH Understanding what a person is feeling can sometimes be a little confusing. There are times when maladaptive understanding of emotions leads to a response that questions people of what they are truly feeling. If the feelings are misunderstood then often an inappropriate reaction leads to further stress and confusion. An example of two often confused emotions is anxiety and anger. Both are considered negative emotions that share common characteristics. Both anger and anxiety promote an adrenaline response in the body. Adrenaline is like rocket fuel to the body getting ready for action. Often a person can tell they are getting tense, adrenaline is flowing, and there may be some queasiness in the stomach, shaky hands, heart rate increases along with increased breathing oxygenating the muscles. So if anxiety and anger are producing both of these emotions are creating a somatic response in the body, then how do you know which one it is? One of the...

By: Brian Murray, IMH “I used to spend so much time reacting and responding to everyone else that my life had no direction. Other people's lives, problems, and wants set the course for my life. Once I realized it was okay for me to think about and identify what I wanted, remarkable things began to take place in my life.” ― Melody Beattie, The Language of Letting Go: Hazelden Meditation Series 1 Corinthians 10:29 I am referring to the other person’s conscience, not yours. For why is my freedom being judged by another’s conscience? How many times have you heard a young child when asked or told to do something respond with a rebellious "NO." Okay, lets take it to the next level, how many times have teenagers been asked or told to do something and they responded with a rebellious "NO." Okay, lets try this one more time, how many times has a grownup been asked or told to do something and they responded with a  boisterous "NO." Ironically thes...