Can You Protect Your Child from a Mental Health Crisis?

 

Can you Protect your Child from a Mental Health Crisis by Removing Screens? Experts say ‘yes’.

by

Dwight Bain, LMHC, NCC, & Certified Leadership Coach

Everywhere you look there are signs of a tsunami sized mental health crisis shattering our children and stealing their childhood. Teen boys are struggling, while girls appear to be drowning, especially middle-school age girls. Most young people are affected, and some to a life-threatening level. Consider the newest CDC study about the negative impact of social media on young females where they found:

·       54% of teen girls report being persistently sad

·       32% have thought of killing themselves

·       24% have planned on killing themselves

·       13% have tried

It is not just young adolescent females experiencing a mental health crisis. The Centers for Disease Control and Prevention (CDC) conducts the Youth Risk Behavior Surveillance System (YRBSS) study each year to track trends among those under the age of 18 in the United States and posted these shocking downward trends since 2010.

·       Anxiety - 134% increase

·       Depression - 106% increase

·       ADHD - 72% increase

·       Bipolar - 57% increase

·       Anorexia - 100% increase

·       Substance Abuse or Addiction - 33% increase

·       Schizophrenia - 67% increase

 

Researchers also found the average teen spends 9 hours a day on a digital device and receives 237 notifications per day, amounting to 16,000 hours of their childhood spent watching the virtual world, instead of living in the real world. Other research organizations are noticing the same trend connecting screen time with a downward trend in mental wellness. 46% of teens are online “almost constantly” is the finding of the Washington thinktank Pew Research noting that number has doubled since 2015. Even when Gen Z are not on their phones because they are in class, or taking a shower, much of their focus is about the metaverse and how they are being perceived – which leads some to anxiety and others to depression or obsession of what their peers are doing or saying about them. They also discovered:

·              97% of teens say they use the internet daily, and many are on social media platforms like TikTok, where 67% of teens report usage.  

·              70% of teenagers have reported being cyberbullied on social media, while 50% have experienced symptoms of depression due to excessive social media use.

·              Youth who spend more than 5 hours a day on social media are twice as likely to develop mental health issues than their peers.

Is there hope for the Anxious Generation?

Jonathan Haidt is a professor at NYU and leading voice to stop the great ‘re-wiring’ of childhood in his new book ‘The Anxious Generation’. He observed, “At the start of the 2010s, rates of teenage mental illness took a sharp upward turn, and they have been rising ever since. Among US college students, diagnoses of depression and anxiety more than doubled between 2010 and 2018. More worrying still, in the decade to 2020 the number of emergency room visits for self-harm rose by 188% among teenage girls in the US and 48% among boys. The suicide rate for younger adolescents also increased, by 167% among girls and 91% among boys”.

 

Haidt was talking about this danger on the popular ‘Good Inside’ podcast recently with child psychologist Dr. Becky Kennedy. They discussed how parents should abandon helicopter monitoring of their child’s activity in the real world since the most likely place where strangers might hurt their child is not a city park- it’s the Internet. But even with the very real danger of a child being targeted does the government have the right to get involved to force a parent to limit their child’s behavior?

 

Does Government have the right to tell you how to Parent?

 

New York Mayor Eric Adams thinks so, listen, “Just as the surgeon general did with tobacco and guns, we are treating social media like other public health hazards and ensuring that tech companies take responsibility for their products”. Florida elected officials were the first to pass legislation that restricts social media for those under the age of 14. State Rep. Fiona McFarland said this about social media, "It's like a digital fentanyl, and even the most plugged-in parent or attuned teen has a hard time shutting the door against these addictive features."

 

Government sets limits for parents about safety issues like car seats, swimming pool fences, bike helmets, lead paint, playground equipment, and the minimum age to obtain a driver’s license, smoke tobacco, drink alcohol, buy marijuana, or get a tattoo. Government sets an age to enlist for military service or when a minor can legally purchase a gun. Government sets recommendations for everything from speed limits to vaccines, to what age a child must attend school, and now has moved into regulation of when a child can have access to social media.

 

Since this law is about safety related to brain development with volumes of data to support the risks, along with thousands of tragic stories there isn’t much pushback. Over 1200 Parents who have lost children to suicide after stalkers, cyberbullies or pedophiles harassed them are taking stronger action by suing the social media companies of Meta, (Facebook/Instagram), TikTok, Snapchat, YouTube, and Roblox. Hundreds more lawsuits are expected as the massive reality of targeted advertisement toward children is exposed by investigative journalists and internal whistleblowers.

 

“Want to raise happy, successful kids? 'Wait as long as possible to give them a phone.” - Laurie Santos, Yale Professor

 

Who is making money off of your child?

 

If you wonder one of the factors that fuel this race for deep engagement with young people consider the findings of a new study led by the Harvard School of Public Health in January 2024 that found the social media platforms of Facebook, Instagram, Snapchat, TikTok, X (formerly Twitter), and YouTube collectively derived $11 billion in advertising revenue from U.S based users younger than age 18. These companies sell data in an instant to the highest bidder to capture the eyes and minds of your children. To learn more, watch the award-winning docudrama ‘The Social Dilemma” with your family.  https://www.thesocialdilemma.com/  The directors reveal how every second of scrolling is collected, and then how that data about your child is instantly sold by social media companies to the advertisers pursuing your kids.

 

How can I tell if my child is addicted to social media?

There are many indicators of social media addiction, here are the primary ones to pay attention to as a parent in protecting your children.

 

1. Endless Scrolling and Comparison:

Social media platforms are designed to keep young eyes glued to the screen. The infinite scroll feature encourages mindless browsing, leading to hours spent on these apps young people often compare their lives to heavily curated online influencers, which can foster feelings of inadequacy and low self-worth as they scroll and compare

 

2.    Validation and Dopamine:

Likes, comments, and shares instant gratification. The pursuit of validation becomes addictive, as each notification triggers a release of dopamine in the brain which stimulates feelings of pleasure. Dopamine influences memory, mood, sleep, learning, concentration, and other body functions, but the need for constant affirmation can lead to anxiety and depression when the virtual ‘likes’ go away.

 

3.    Fear of Missing Out (FOMO):

Social media exposes children to the highlight reel of social influencers. FOMO intensifies when teens fear missing out on events, experiences, or trends they think all of their peers are involved with. This fear drives compulsive checking and contributes to anxiety even when not using a screen by worrying about what others are thinking about them.

 

4.    Cyberbullying and Social Pressure:

Online interactions can turn toxic fast. Cyberbullying, body shaming, and negative comments take a toll on mental health. The pressure to conform to beauty standards, lifestyle choices, and trends can be overwhelming and has led to thousands of young people, especially girls, to consider suicide as a way out.

 

5.    Secrets and Deception to hide addictive usage or shame of usage.

Almost half of kids younger than 13 years old (46%) had used at least one app rated "Teen" or higher. The top 3 apps used by this younger group were TikTok, Snapchat, and Discord. Almost half (45%) of the participants used apps with mature (17+) or adult only (18+) ratings, such as Pornhub, fantasy sports/betting apps (Yahoo Fantasy Sports & Daily, Sleeper Fantasy Football), Telegram, Reddit, Parler, 4chan, casino games, or violent video games such as Call of Duty. Jeff Horwitz a journalist from the Wall Street Journal wrote about how Instagram's child sexualization community which had been flagged for months were still operating. A review of Instagram by Stanford researchers found some of the same underage sellers of sex content still had active accounts and were using minor variations on previous hashtags to promote illegal material to children. (https://www.wsj.com/tech/meta-facebook-instagram-pedophiles-enforcement-struggles-dceb3548)

 

6.    Lack of Social Skills and extreme difficulty maintaining attention

 

Maturity is different for each child, but there are ranges of normal development, including verbal and social skills. Kids addicted to social media often are years behind their peers in these necessary stages of growing into young adulthood. This negative cycle ripples into normal teen experiences like going to prom, getting an afterschool job or trying out for a sports team or club. Addicted kids tend to be lonely, isolated, often sleepy from nighttime usage with significant social phobia about meeting new people or trying new things.

 

“Given most adults cannot manage their smartphone and social media related addictions and emotions, the idea of giving a young child unfettered access to them strikes me as insane”. @ZubyMusic

 

Screens are a part of our world when a child’s brain is developed enough to find the ‘off’ button. As children they need the strength of their parents to protect them from online dangers. Child psychiatrist Daniel Amen observed, during the stage of brain development when our kids have the least ability to generate self-control, parents give them unlimited access to screens that require the most amount of adult brain self-control. Learning how to be screen safe flows from the hundreds of researchers, parent experts and authors who are providing guidance, including the nation’s largest group of pediatricians. Here are their recommendations, and note, all times are with caregiver engagement or co-viewing to protect the child: 

 

American Academy of Pediatrics Screen Time Recommendations by Age

·         0-24 MONTHS None

·         3-5 YEARS 1 hour per day

·         6-10 YEARS 1.5 hours per day

·         11-13 YEARS 2 hours per day

·         13+ 2.5 hours per day

 

Thankfully there is a movement rippling across the United States and in the United Kingdom where parent advocate groups are coming together to help one another. You don’t need to feel alone in your journey as a parent standing up to billion-dollar companies trying to capture every minute of your child’s attention. Here is a comprehensive list from ScreenStrong.org to help:

 

The journey to be present with kids -

·              No smartphones or social media

·              No violent video games or porn

·              Add safeguards to all devices

·              No phones at school

·              More family connection

·              Play outside with kids

·              Put your phone away

·              Curl up with tea and a good book

·              Bake together or do meal prepping together

·              Take a social media break

·              Try a new board/card together

·              Play with a pet, or walk the pet together

·              Make home chores a team activity so there is more time for play

 

If we really want to keep our children safe, we should delay their entry into the virtual world and send them out to play in the real world.- Jonathan Haidt

 

The Anxious Generation book from Jonathan Haidt https://www.amazon.com/Anxious-Generation-Rewiring-Childhood-Epidemic/dp/0593655036 provides the following actions to protect children as their young brains are developing toward young adulthood. 

 

1. No smartphones before year 10

Parents should delay children’s entry into round-the-clock internet access by giving only basic phones with limited apps and no internet browser before the age of 14.

 

2. No social media before 16

Let children get through the most vulnerable period of brain development before connecting them to an avalanche of social comparison and algorithmically chosen influencers.

 

3. Phone-free schools

Schools must insist that students store their phones, smartwatches, and any other devices in phone lockers during the school day, as per the new non-statutory guidance issued by the UK government. That is the only way to free up their attention for one another and for their teachers.

 

4. Far more unsupervised play and childhood independence

Social Media is NOT for kids. Your family's best interest is NOT the priority of social media/tech companies. Their motivation is money at the expense of your kids having a happy childhood in the real world. When you stand up to these companies remember you are not standing alone. Millions of other parents are lining up with you.

 

5. Allow your child to feel bored and learn to deal with the normal frustrations of life

Life can be boring or frustrating sometimes. One of the benefits of allowing kids to get bored is for them to learn emotional self-control and emotional mood regulation. When children are allowed unlimited access to screens connected to the Internet their ability to self-regulate goes down dramatically. Social media developers create content to engage a child's attention as long as possible, and while it distracts them and to stay quiet - it also teaches their brain that technology is the way to feel better no matter what.

 

Technology doesn't teach resilience but can create dependence because a child learns to reach for a screen instead of reaching inside for answers. When their brain's prefrontal cortex doesn't have to work hard, the child doesn't learn to reason out solutions with curiosity because they don't have to think as their brain numbs to programming on the screen. This is the basis of addiction and why some kids react violently when the screen is taken away. Dr. Carl Marci, is a neuroscientist teaching at Harvard Medical and author of 'Rewired: protecting your brain in the digital age.' 

 

He reminds parents their child's brain is like a muscle they can learn to use and gain adult thinking skills or begin to lose and fall behind. When parents set limits, the child can learn self-control. However, if they surrender the screen to their child's demands to silence a temper tantrum it reinforces a vicious cycle of screen dependency leading to addiction. You can see this cycle in children as young as two.

 

Healthy parenting is to equip a child to think through challenges, to reason and make responsible choices while managing their mood and emotions. The stronger their prefrontal cortex the greater their ability for self-control as a child and growing into their adult years.

 

Finally, listen to the words of child psychiatrist Daniel Amen about the need to allow your child to experience some struggle so their brains can grow strong.  “If you do too much for a child, it creates weakness. Love is not doing too much, but that’s hard for a parent. Love is giving them the tools to create a life they love. When you give them too much – or give in too much it gives them entitlement, and entitlement never creates happy people”.

 

Parenting is hard, maybe harder than any time in U.S. history, but you are not alone. Use your voice to connect with others who want to free their kids from social media addiction. Human brains are prone to endless scrolling, leading to hours of mindless browsing and feelings of inadequacy and low self-esteem from comparing their real lives to the carefully curated online personas and highlight reels of others’ lives. Parents can struggle with the virtual world just like their kids, but their brains have developed enough to know the difference between empty screen time and a really good time laughing, giggling, and connecting as a family. 

 

One fuels isolation – one builds memories.  As you put down the screen to really see the people in your life your family wins, and as you share the joy of simple connection it may spark a movement to reclaim our kids and shatter the mental health crisis in the process. Let it begin now.

 

If you or someone you know is affected by any of the issues raised in this story, please reach out to the 988 Suicide Crisis Lifeline at 988 or visit 988Lifeline.org.

You are not alone.

 

 

About the Author: Dwight Bain is a Nationally Certified Counselor and mental health thought leader quoted in over 20 books and 100 newspapers/websites including: New York Times, Washington Post, Chicago Tribune, Atlanta Journal, Orlando Sentinel, and Yahoo! His community work led to being selected by his peers as the Florida Mental Health Counselor of the Year. He is a lifelong resident of Orlando where he lives with his wife Sheila and an assortment of rescue pets. After 30 years together they always have suitcases packed ready for their next adventure. Follow their journey at www.DwightBain.com