COVID-19 Recession Recovery
By: Dwight Bain, LMHC, NCC, CLC
Coronavirus
can destroy your health, and sadly can destroy your life. Not as a primary
impact of the disease, since most patients tested positive for COVID-19
recover. No, as a secondary threat – slow suicide.
If
the concept is new to you, slow suicide describes the passive self-destructive
behaviors that erode physical and mental health. Alcohol, tobacco, marijuana,
opioids, illegal use of prescriptions, junk food and addictive behaviors like
gambling, pornography, spending or compulsive overeating. Americans know they
should not eat, drink, watch or consume unhealthy things, yet during COVID-19
isolation many will skip the healthy behaviors Surgeon General Jerome Adams is
begging them to do with social distancing to save life and choose instead to
slowly weaken their own.
To
decide to die by your own hand is not a new problem in America. Suicide is the
#10 cause of death for adults, and the #2 cause of death among those under the
age of twenty-five. They choose to end their life because life isn’t working
for them anymore. They may be drowning in despair, depression or debt and can’t
see a way out – all they see is darkness and gradually give up. Their life
feels like a hopeless void of misery, which will be significantly magnified by the
social isolation and financial desperation of coronavirus recession.
A
failing economy doesn’t mean you are failing.
It’s
not just those living paycheck to paycheck affected. Responsible individuals with
perfect FICO scores who are never late on a payment are impacted as well. They are under a different kind of financial pressure,
the pressure to stay financially perfect. When their financial stability starts
to fail, they internalize and blame themselves for not being smarter or taking
aggressive action sooner.
This
group may be in the highest risk for self-destructive behavior since they make
the wrong connection between money and mental health.
Self-worth
is more important than Net-worth
Your
worth as a human being isn’t based on the amount of stuff you have or how financially
impressive you appear to be on a credit report. Those are external factors. The
square footage of your home is not an indicator of the capacity of your soul.
The real you is not defined by your car, house, boat, RV, 401k or employment
status. You have great worth as a human being. Perhaps that’s why people actively
study the teaching of Fred Rogers. Mr. Rogers spent his life reminding children
they were valuable, that they had worth. He ended every show with the same
message,
“You've made this day a
special day, by just your being you. There's no person in the whole world like
you, and I like you just the way you are.”
What
if you stopped worrying about COVID financial fears and simply listened to Mr.
Rogers? Would that really change anything? Yes, because it would change the
most important thing during the coronavirus recession. It would change you.
Your net-worth is measured differently than your self-worth. One is controlled
by a global economy - the other is controlled by you.
What can you do if you’re already
behind on your bills?
Accepting
yourself and your financial situation doesn’t take away the reality of being
laid off with no income and growing debt. Sometimes it seems creditors and bill
collectors don’t care about you as much as collecting money.
It
can feel embarrassing, frustrating, helpless or even shameful to be out of
cash. Recently unemployed people feel even more pressure when they watch the economy
struggling. The more they watch the failing economy the worse they feel, and
the worse they feel the greater risk they are for the slow suicide process of
self-destruction. Stop watching stock reports and start working on your own
life. Remember,
What happens on Wall Street
isn’t as important as what happens on your street
So,
what can you do if you are financially strapped without the resources to pay
your bills on time? You must move from helpless feelings to active behavior.
You must take bold action because action will create a feeling of empowerment. Taking
bold action to face your financial fears will make you feel stronger as your
fears become more manageable. Billionaire Richard Branson faced financial ruin
many times but wasn’t afraid to move forward. He described the process this
way, “It’s only by being bold that you get anywhere.”
Here
are five bold actions to protect you from self-destructive behavior when facing
financial pressure, bill collectors or unemployment:
1) Mindset
You
can control your mindset about finances by aggressively managing your intake of
information. Skip watching social media or television shows that make you more
aware of financial lack. Those shows can drain away your mental energy, energy
needed to take positive action. The greater risk is how they could create
feelings of comparison and trigger a spending relapse. Ignoring financial
reality to create debt using ‘retail therapy’ will only create more
problems.
Denial
cannot solve debt. Rather, focus your mind on media that will empower and
strengthen you. Watch stories of overcomers who faced financial ruin with
courage and resiliency. Start with Walt Disney, Abraham Lincoln, Willie Nelson
or George Foreman. You might be surprised at how many famous people faced
financial fears and bankruptcy. They didn’t see big financial problems outside,
they looked inward and saw big ideas then creatively got to work.
2) Mood
You
can control your mood about finances by choosing to manage what you do with
your emotions. If you dwell on things that make you worry you will feel
miserable and powerless. Listen to the word emotion and drop the ‘E’.
What’s left? MOTION. You have a choice with your feelings. They can build up,
and then later blow up, or you can find ways to creatively release pressure which
empower you.
Instead
of sitting and worrying about money, (which weakens your mood), get
moving and take positive action. You can do this without spending any money as
you implement constructive actions like building new skills, deep breathing,
prayer, meditation, exercise, journaling, or reaching out to friends who have
come through tough times like the great recession. Listening to the stories of
others who survived financial challenges can give you hope. That hope can
become a powerful force to shatter self-destruction as you develop new
strength.
3) Motivate
You
can control your motivation by taking positive action. Being in a financial
hole tends to rob the energy needed to get up and do the tasks that need to be
done. The longer you sit alone in the dark feeling afraid about money, the
further behind you will fall. Get up and reach out for help. There are
wonderful organizations and individuals who can guide you to a stronger place
financially without condemning you or making you feel like a failure. Check out
success stories of the many people who overcame major debt at Financial Peace
University, (www.DaveRamsey.com/FPU) or search for trusted financial guidance using
recommendations from the Federal Trade Commission. https://www.consumer.ftc.gov/articles/0153-choosing-credit-counselor Search
cautiously since there are many who prey upon scared consumers during times of
economic recession. You need positive information to stay motivated and take
bold action, not hidden expenses from hustlers.
4) Morale
You
can control your morale and to some degree that of your family or coworkers who
may be feeling overwhelmed financially. How? By not letting every conversation
be about money woes. You can watch “America’s Funniest Videos” and laugh
as people and their pets share the silly things only people and their pets can
do. Breathe, then laugh again. It’s okay. Another way to boost morale is to study
positive people who overcame financial ruin to find financial freedom. Radio
talk show host Dave Ramsey tells of how his family were bankrupt, foreclosed
and repossessed. “Beans and rice – rice and beans” was the mantra as
they climbed out of major debt together. You can climb out of financial fears the same
way with your friends and family if you remember the #1 rule of mountain
climbers - Climb together – never alone.
5) Message
You
can control the message you send out by facing the truth of your financial
situation with courage instead of shame. You didn’t fail – the economy did. Talk
to your partner, older children (skip this conversation with children
younger than ten) and close family about changes needed to gain financial
breathing room. Work together by listing out expenses that could be trimmed quickly.
Start first with monthly expenses you aren’t using, like Facebook private groups,
podcasts or apps that charge a monthly fee. Next look at gym, club or online memberships
you rarely use. Pull up your bank and credit card statements to carefully see
where your money goes. Don’t blame each other for the expense or attack that your
partner is the problem instead of you. That is a waste of energy and won’t
solve debt. Build unity by facing the problem directly, then working together to
remove it which can strengthen your relationship in the process.
Use
your phone to negotiate instead of to watch Netflix
Don’t
sit passively and wait for your stimulus check to arrive. Take action to call
or go online with every creditor to explore your options to manage the debt.
Mortgage companies, automobile lenders, credit card companies and student loans
can quickly be adjusted during a time of crisis. This financial relief comes through deferment
of payments or renegotiating the interest rate on the debt. Positive action now
will give you a sense of control of your finances, instead of it feeling like your
finances are controlling you. Plus, it will help your family to grow along with
you in battling recession, instead of facing your coronavirus financial fears
all alone. Stuffed emotional fears about finances can lead to desperation or
isolation and gradual self-destruction. Sitting and watching Netflix all day
will not make the bills go away. Sharing your financial concerns with your family
will help you see that life is about more than money. When you are honest about
your worries it’s likely your family members will start to talk about their
fears and soon you will realize you are not facing a recession alone.
Money
can’t buy me love
COVID-19
will end one day. Medical professionals will find a cure and you will come out
of this time either scared or stronger. Connected like fellow warriors, or
shell-shocked with battle fatigue. You have a choice. You can make it the other
side of a tough financial time by looking at the things which really matter in
life, the things money can’t buy. Love, gratitude, forgiveness, peace, kindness,
patience and hope. These qualities don’t cost money – but are priceless gifts
that make life more meaningful.
Healthy
relationships can be one of your greatest defenses against the fears of
recession. Immunity grows in healing relationships, which improve during tough
times if you face them together. During crisis times people either come together
and rebuild or get isolated, bicker and begin to self-destruct. You get to
decide what your future will look like after COVID-19 is nothing but a memory.
You can take bold action now and as you do expect feelings of peace to replace
panic when facing financial stress. Emotional resiliency could be the greatest
gift from this economic recession. Making memories together for free, instead
of spending money to pass the time.
Economic
recessions don’t have to cause emotional ones
Self-disciple
to face financial fears directly is a choice – one you get to make. Did you
notice each of the five bold actions began with “You can control”? That
wasn’t an accident – because economic recessions don’t have to cause emotional
ones. You can control your focus which is how you can control your finances. While
you can’t control the economy, you can manage the money you have with
discipline. You can boldly bring up conversations about spending to make a
budget together. These actions don’t require more cashflow – they just require courage.
Finally,
to shatter the agony of slow self-destruction realize you don’t have to be
perfect to get through a financial challenge. But sometimes you must reach out to
ask for help. You don’t know it all financially because no one knows it all. That’s
not a sign of failure – that’s a sign of being human. Nobody can get through a
major crisis alone. We need each other and we need to learn it’s okay to ask
for help. Your pride cannot fix a pandemic. It only leaves you feeling helpless
and alone.
No
one knows when the COVID recession will end, but you can know what to do next.
You can face whatever comes in life with courage. You can learn it’s okay to ask
for help, and as able you can reach out to help others. It’s a simple lesson little
kids already know because they learned it on PBS. Fred Rogers never faced a
global pandemic, but he understood how to manage problems. Listen to his practical
advice given to children decades ago.
“All of us, at some time or other, need
help. Whether we're giving or receiving help, each one of us has something
valuable to bring to this world. That's one of the things that connects us as
neighbors--in our own way, each one of us is a giver and a receiver." –
Mr. Rogers
Self-destruction
from financial fears can slowly erode your confidence and eventually ruin your
health and life. You don’t have to go there. You can control your choices with
courage. Those choices may bring you to a better place on the other side of
this recession because you are better. Better because you decided to lean into
the challenge with courage and greater self-worth. A worth more valuable than a
global virus could ever take away.
Dwight Bain is a nationally certified counselor and author on managing crisis to create positive change. He lives in Orlando with his wife of thirty-five years, two kids and four cats. Follow him across all social media @DwightBain
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