Housekeeping Your Head

By: Megan Brewer IMH

No two homes are the same. Sure, there may be a home similar to another, but none of them are exactly alike. Homes are often a reflection of the people who inhabit them and no two people, couples or families are exactly the same in every way. At the center of every home is a unique person (or persons) whose past and present life and/or perspective affect the style and feel of the home. Like ripples expanding on the surface of the water from a singular rock, the story of the people in a home reverberate to impact every corner of their home. Our minds are similar to our homes in the way they express the individual components of each person’s life, personality and experiences. 

If your home was a projection of what goes on inside your mind, what would it look like? Would it be organized well and intentionally designed to reflect your unique personality and values? Designing a space that is a true reflection of the people who live in it takes work. Unfortunately, many of us do not take the time and energy required to housekeep our own mind. Often, we do not realize the extent of disarray within it until the neglected parts turn into echoes of anxiety, panic or depression.

What type of home might your head be like?

Survival home: This type of home is one with little space for rest and rarely time to consider if the efforts being made are best or in line with intentional goals. This person may have a difficult time accessing their feelings, needs and identity. They move from one thing to the next, seemingly unaware of how. If the place you live is merely designed for survival, it most likely is scantily decorated or designed. Everything that makes up the space is used for a specific function needed to help the inhabitants make it through another day. There is not much thought put into enjoyable qualities of the home or ones that reflect the unique personality of the person who lives there. Occasionally you may stumble upon an item that looks like it has a story behind it. However, these items are mostly hidden, packed in boxes deep in the closet with no time or energy to pull them out and give them a permanent home. When we live for survival, just trying to get to the next thing without knowing ourselves or knowing when we can unpack and live, we never really set up home anywhere. Does this sound exhausting? If this feels like your mind, what steps could you take to make your head feel more like a home?

Chaotic home: Have you ever walked into a home where you are afraid to sit on the furniture or touch anything because the home is so ill kept? Some heads can feel a little like that as well. It’s hard to tell if there was ever a point where the items in the house were new and clean or how long the palpable chaos has been present. No time has been set aside to stop and assess the nature of the space and no plan drawn up to put things in order. No one stopped to clean up the mess made on the floor and no one has time to slow down and consider if the chaos they live in is the chaos they want to continue experiencing. Things just build up and get pushed aside. No one has time to sit together and decide how to make their home feel like a safe and comfortable place to rest and enjoy life. It may feel like you are trying to put out an endless fire or are avoiding dealing with the fire altogether. Something hurtful happens and it is ignored. Physical signs of stress start appearing, but they are avoided. Maybe there are dysfunctional relationships or behaviors that add chaos but do not get addressed. There may be assumptions about what it means to be a good parent, spouse or business professional that are unhealthy and feed into the frenetic thoughts. What chaotic parts of your mind have been pushed aside and avoided, making your mind feel like an uncomfortable place to be?  

Rigid home: Some homes look like a staged model for a magazine or Pinterest picture. Everything is perfectly organized and is in just the right spot. None of the rooms are out of place and nothing can ever look like it is in process. While this home looks good from a distance, it is not a place to let yourself relax, make a mistake or be in transition from one activity to another. Any signs that the room has been lived in are considered flaws and must be tended to immediately. It is difficult to enjoy such a place when one must be so carefully watching their every move in order to keep everything looking perfect. Consider what a mind like this may be like to live in day in and out with life’s uncertainties and messes. This head tends to think in black and white with all or nothing thinking. It may be difficult to feel connected to others because so much time is spent analyzing and judging one’s self and others. How much anxiety would a head like this hold and how difficult would it be to let in friends and family who might make the home feel lived in?

Healthy home: Healthy homes have many different designs and features, but there are often similarities in how they feel when you walk in the door. Walking into a healthy home is inviting. It is a place you enjoy being and one that reflects the unique experience and personality of the owner in an intentional way. It is well-kept but well-lived in with places to put your feet up without too much concern of ruining anything. When mistakes get made or something spills, it’s addressed and worked through instead of ignored. They are not void of flaws or projects in the making, but these do not set the whole house into disarray. A healthy head is not void of difficult relationships or thoughts and feelings in need of adjusting. Instead, it is intentional and creates time and space to address the issues causing clutter and dysfunction. Talking to trusted friends, building healthy relationships, developing a healthy spiritual life, taking time to reflect on the present and address issues are all parts of creating a head that feels safe to live in. 

There are as many home designs as there are people to occupy them, just as there are many unique minds at different levels of growth and disarray. Is your head kept in a healthy way where you feel comfortable occupying it? Perhaps you have not taken the time to experience what it is really like inside your head on a regular basis. When you do, what do you find? If you discover your mind is not kept in a healthy and inviting way, it may be time to consider a renovation. However, renovations can only be done once you have taken the time to examine what is in need of change. If you find you have a messy head, don’t panic! Discovering areas you need to change gives you the opportunity to do something about it. So take some time today to housekeep your head.

To schedule an appointment with Megan Brewer,

Please call our office at 407-647-7005.

www.lifeworksgroup.org