What is Stockholm Syndrome?
By Christine Hammond, MS, LMHC
When
Bailey began therapy, she had already convinced herself that she was crazy. In
her early 20’s, Bailey was still living at home with her brother and mother.
She failed her first semester of college, had regular panic attacks, associated
herself with unhealthy people, and was barely holding onto her waitress job.
Her father also repeatedly told her that she was the cause of all the drama in
the house with her irresponsible behavior and that there was a likelihood that
she had a mental illness. She presented in therapy as insecure, scared,
hesitant, and withdrawn.
After
several sessions, a different side of Bailey emerged. The more she felt
believed and accepted by her therapist, the better she communicated with them.
She began to act confidently at work, opening the possibility for a promotion.
She removed the unhealthy friendships and engaged with new people who inspired
her to achieve more. Now instead of shutting down at home, she started speaking
her mind and standing up for herself.
However,
just as her home life seemed to be improving, that is when things escalated.
Her dad picked a fight with her and verbally belittled her, threatened to throw
her out of the house if she didn’t do exactly as he requested – he even cited
her past suicide attempt from 3 years ago as evidence that she was the crazy
person of the family. The old person from several sessions ago reappeared in
therapy as if no progress had been made. His abusive treatment this time was
insignificant compared to previous abuse.
That is
when an evaluation of the types of abuse began. After reviewing an extensive
list (posted here…), Bailey realized that she suffered from physical, verbal,
mental, emotional, financial, and spiritual abuse from her father. Eager to
confront him and desperately wanting a healthy relationship with her father,
she agreed to do a family session with everyone. But instead of this session
sparking healing, another issue emerged: Stockholm Syndrome.
What is
Stockholm Syndrome? Usually the term is reserved for hostage situations
referencing a bank robbery that occurred in 1973 in Stockholm Sweden. After
spending 6 days in a bank vault, the four hostages refused to testify against
their captors and instead raised money for their defense. The term refers to
the trauma bond developed between the captor and the hostages in which the
hostages feel positive feelings such as empathy for the person that is causing
them harm. This allows the captor to not feel remorse for their actions as the hostages
don’t hold them responsible.
What are
some other examples? One of the most famous cases of Stockholm Syndrome is the
kidnapping of Patty Hearst in 1974 who denounced her family name and sided with
her kidnappers in assisting them to rob banks. She was given a prison sentence
that was later pardoned by President Bill Clinton. Another example is Jaycee Dugard who was
kidnapped at age 11 in 1991 and held hostage for 18 years bearing 2 children by
her abuser. In her book, she explains the syndrome and how she formed a bond
with both of her captors over the years.
Are there
fewer extreme examples? Absolutely. A person currently living in an abusive
situation often has this condition. This is the reason why many people don’t
leave their abuser but instead, continue to hold onto the relationship. In the
case of Bailey, she wanted to believe that her father was telling the truth so
much that she accepted his assessment of her mental well-being as being crazy
when she was not. Her desire to have a relationship with her father meant that
she was ignorant of the different types of abuse, justified his abuse in
therapy as the result of his childhood abuse and minimized any impact. The
result was she honestly believed that she was the problem and not him.
How do you
recover? The
recovery process requires identification and awareness. This is one of the few
times when googling a disorder is helpful. Hearing and seeing examples of other
victims brings awareness at another level. It is often easier to see the problem
in someone else’s story before identifying it in yours. Once an understanding
has been established, rewriting the abuse needs to occur. This is
time-consuming and should be done under the guidance of a therapist. A person
with Stockholm Syndrome already has a hard time perceiving things correctly and
needs professional assistance until a new, more accurate perception is
developed.
How do you
help someone with this? It is essential to develop a bond of trust that is based on
empathy and not judgment. Those looking at the scenario from the outside in are
often highly judgmental and critical of the victim’s behavior. The victim is
already overloaded with feelings of inadequacy, shame, and guilt that are
disproportionately attributed to their actions and not the abusers. To overcome
this, they need unconditional love and acceptance and a ton of patience.
After
addressing the Stockholm syndrome, Bailey finally began to do better. She no
longer allowed her father’s abuse to impact her. Moving out of the house helped
and in a short period she was thriving. Without getting the proper help, she
might have never been able to achieve this. Be sure that if you or anyone else
is experiencing this syndrome or something like it they seek out professional
assistance.
To schedule an appointment with Christine Hammond,
Please call our office at 407-647-7005.
www.lifeworksgroup.org