Decision-Making and People Pleasing
By: Megan Muñoz IMH
Let’s be honest,
decision-making can be difficult. The more factors included in a decision, the
more difficult the decision-making process can become. But what can really
sabotage decision-making is when we get wrapped up in others' opinions and lose
sight of our own. For some, it is easier to balance others' perspectives and
thoughts when seeking advice for a decision. Others' thoughts can help us hone
in on what we want and give us guidance and direction. But for those who
struggle with codependency and people pleasing, decision-making can cause
anxiety, frustration and leave us feeling bewildered.
People pleasing is
different from being receptive to others' feedback and advice. When we are
faced with major decisions in life, it is healthy to talk with trustworthy
people whose thoughts and suggestions can help guide us along the way. If you
are making a decision that includes others, it is important to gather
information about what possibilities would be best for everyone including
yourself. But for people who struggle with people pleasing, they receive
feedback and advice differently. Instead of gathering information from others
and using it as a consideration in their own thoughts and desires, people
pleasers discount or shove aside what they want/think and replace it with the
thoughts of others. The more information they get, the harder it becomes to
make a decision because they are constantly questioning what they wanted in the
first place. People pleasing behavior can erase the self and substitute the
other person’s thoughts and opinions in its place. The decision making process
becomes even more difficult for the people pleaser when the opinions are coming
from close family, friends and others whose opinions are important to them.
Kim knew she struggled
with people pleasing, but she wanted feedback from her family and friends about
an important decision in her life. She began by researching her options and
asking people for their thoughts along the way. As Kim got further and further
into planning, she found that each person she asked had a different perspective
based on his or her own experiences and personality. Kim became overwhelmed by
everyone’s different thoughts and started to lose sight of what she wanted and
what was important to her in making the decision. Thankfully, Kim noticed what
was happening, pulled back and took time to think through what she wanted along
with the information she had gathered. She realized that at the end of the day,
the decision was hers to make and she would be responsible for the decision’s
outcome.
Here are some helpful
tips to keep in mind as you go about the decision-making process:
●
Take time to think
through what you want and need before considering the opinion of others. This
will help you navigate the wide array of opinions and options you will receive.
●
Remember that while
others' thoughts can be helpful in shaping your own, they should not completely
overtake and hijack your own.
●
Keep track of options
through journaling and list-making. That way you can remember where you began
in your decision-making process and help track where you want to go.
When making decisions
as a people pleaser, it is important to hold your thoughts and the thoughts of
others equally. Sometimes it is helpful to talk to a counselor or a trusted
friend who can help you process your own thoughts and feelings.
To schedule an appointment with Megan Muñoz,
Please call our office at 407-647-7005.
www.lifeworksgroup.org
