The Lifeworks Group, Inc.

By: Brian Murray, LMHC, NCC Codependency is a word that was born out of the addiction field of therapy. It’s a description that is used for a person who is involved with a person who has substance abuse problems. The codependent has an addiction as well. They are addicted to love. There are many traits and characteristics of a codependent that can be sub-categorized under the big 3 discussed here. These are the fixer, the controller and the apathetic. In addiction they may also be accused of being an enabler or a rescuer. Codependents provide resources to the addicted person hoping they will get love in return. And hope is the key word, they hold out for the hope of getting love if they just prove how wonderful they are to the addicted person. This creates a double bind in the relationship, henceforth, the codependent and the dependent. Usually it takes years before the codependent realizes they will never get the love they seek. Or, the codependent notices a behavioral reinforceme...

By: Christine Hammond, LMHC, NCC Art imitates life and so it is with “Flying Monkeys”. The term was coined from the movie “The Wizard of Oz” in which the Wicked Witch dispatches moneys to fly and get Dorothy and her dog. The monkeys obey her command, doing her dirty work for her, taunting and terrorizing Dorothy as she tries in vain to get back home. And so it is with narcissists and their flying monkeys. As if a magical spell has taken over, the bond between the narcissist and their flying monkeys is one of unwavering loyalty even in the face of danger. When the narcissist wants to evoke some punishment on a target they dispatch their henchmen (aka flying monkeys) to do their bidding. Unfortunately, this can and often does include abusive behavior such as guilt-tripping, twisting the truth, gaslighting, assaults, threats, and violence. This keeps them out of harms way and able to claim innocence if caught. To be sure, not just narcissists are capable of conjuring up ...

By: Brian Murray LMHC Codependents usually come from a family system that is loaded with distorted rules. These rules are often dysfunctional in a way that when a family member is learning their way in the world it doesn't match much of what they will run into outside of their family. The codependent in their formative years learn to think and feel in a way that leads to a false sense of responsibility toward others. They don't understand where they end and others begin. They don't understand that people are responsible for managing their own feelings. This is why they become so attractive toward others who suffer from addiction or narcissistic personality. These personality types can manipulate a codependents inability to have a sense of autonomy and steer them into becoming supply, such as drug supply with money and a narcissist getting narcissistic supply (aka, feeding their ego). There are many patterns that a codependent develops and one of t...

By: Brian Murray LMHC   Codependents often struggle with where they end and others begin. It's a boundary thing. They have not learned how to place self-validating limits in their life, especially in their social and romantic life. When limits are done in a healthy way, the codependent can live a more free and independent life from others. This process in codependency recovery is known as detachment. The codependent needs to stop focusing on others and focus on themselves. Part of this is a self-validation process. Codependency can at times creates strong emotions due to not understanding how to handle themselves in relationships. From this perspective, it's beneficial for them to learn emotional management techniques. Most of these emotions are due to feelings of obligation and guilt. The codependent becomes confused, angry, anxious or depressed when they cannot make other people happy. They don't feel valid. This distortion occurs when they try to rescue o...