The Best of Moms
By: Christine Hammond LMHC
There is a lot of talk about dysfunctional moms: those who harm their
children, fail to parent, or even over parent. But not so much attention is
paid to those moms who are excellent. Some are capable by instinct, others have
good modeling from other moms, and others learn from the mistakes of others.
These moms pay attention to the developmental stages of their children
and mold their parenting to meet their child’s needs. They successfully
navigate through joy and sadness as their child passes to another stage in
life. Most importantly, these moms know how to care for their child without
depleting their own emotional resources. It is a delicate balance and one worth
striving to achieve.
Erik Erkson’s Eight Stages of Psychosocial Development serves as a
parenting guideline. Please note that these stages will be discussed from a
maternal perspective due to the nature of the article. It is not meant to
diminish the value of fathers or other caregivers.
·
Trust vs.
Mistrust (Birth to 1 year). During
this year, the mother forms a strong positive attachment to their child through
meeting the child’s physical, mental, and emotional needs. A child is unable to
care for themselves so it is extremely important that the mother meet all of
their needs. This instills a sense of hope in the years to come.
·
Autonomy
vs. Shame/Doubt (1 – 3 years). These
years are marked by a child’s desire to experiment and try new things such as
walking, talking, potty training, and eating solid foods. A mother who allows a
child to progress without over protecting develops resolve in the child. Stage
one and two are a sharp contrast from meeting all of the child’s needs to
allowing the child to meet some of their own needs.
·
Initiative
vs. Guilt (3 – 5 years). The
pre-school years are ones of learning large motor skills such as riding a
tricycle, getting dressed without assistance, and throwing a ball. There is a
quite of bit of imaginative play where the child makes up the rules and purpose
of the activity. Mothers who delight in the child’s imagination help to foster
creativity. Trying to coddle the child, as was possible in previous stages,
frustrates them.
·
Industry
vs. Inferiority (5 – 12 years). These
are the best years for education as a child’s brain is similar to a sponge.
They are able to take in volumes of information and regurgitate it when
questioned. Mothers who stimulate learning develop competent children who are
unafraid of their abilities. While answering all of the “why” questions may be
exhausting, these moms realize the value of poring information into their
child.
·
Identity
vs. Confusion (12 – 18 years). At
the beginning of this stage is the development of critical thinking skills.
This is usually a difficult adjustment for most moms as they are no longer one
of the greatest influences in their child’s life. But the best of moms
appreciate and encourage their child to challenge their beliefs knowing that
this process leads to a fully formed sense of self and fidelity. This is why
the teen years are so troubling for many families who do not work toward this
goal.
·
Intimacy
vs. Isolation (18 – 30 years). Without
a strong sense of identity, it is impossible to achieve intimacy with another
person. As the now adult child matures, it is natural for them to pull away
even further. Unfortunately, in the American culture today, the previous stage
is often extended unnaturally well into the twenties. Mothers who focus on
proper development find ways to encourage their adult child to leave the nest.
·
Generativity
vs. Stagnation (30 – 60 years).
This stage and the next cannot be taught; rather they are modeled
by their mother. These moms live a life of individual development, professional
advancement, and community generosity. They demonstrate a strong work ethic
while striving to understand their adult child’s vocation. There is no
comparing between siblings, just an appreciation for each adult child’s unique
path.
·
Integrity
vs. Despair (60 – death). With
age comes wisdom and these moms are willing to share their kernels of truth and
insight. They are available to their adult child providing guidance only when
asked. They are not judgmental of their adult child’s choices but find areas of
pride and joy in their accomplishments.
The best of moms master these skills and help to rise up another
successful generation. They deserve appreciation and thanks for their efforts.
To schedule an appointment with Christine
Hammond, please call our office at 407-647-7005.
www.lifeworksgroup.org
