10 Things Parents Need to Teach Their Teen
By: Christine
Hammond LMHC
The
goal of parenting teenagers is to raise fully functioning adults by 18 years
old. The age is predetermined by the legal system that declares a person an
adult at that age. Therefore, regardless of the emotional maturity of person,
they need to be equipped to accept adult responsibility at 18.
The
problem is that most parents forget this detail unless a teen is already
engaged in defiant behavior. Then parents tend to use the approaching 18 year
old as a feared deadline. Other parents want to delay “adulting” by treating
their teen as a larger ten year old. But the transition from childhood to
adulthood should be an exciting time.
Becoming
an adult is a process and should be a time of pride for both the parent and the
child. It is a time for the new adult to “leave the nest” and learn to fly,
trusting that the things they have been taught will be sufficient to lead a
productive successful life. Here are the areas that should be addressed.
1.
Finances. Most banks allow a thirteen
year old to have their own account tied to a parent. This is about the age that
a child needs to begin learning about finances. Even if the parents are depositing
the money in some sort of allowance system, the teen is then able to see their
balance and use their debit card when needed. This process teaches basic banking
skills.
2.
Cooking.
Teenagers should learn how to cook all of their basic meals. The closer they
get to 18 years old, the more they should be managing their meal preparation
and completion. Most teenagers know how to order food, but there is quite of a
bit of skill needed in cooking. This skill helps a teen to feel autonomous.
3.
Budgeting. In
additional to banking skills, a teen needs to learn to the value of money. Even
simple jobs, with realistic pay, can help teach them the amount of work that is
required to earn money. The money they earn should be deposited in the bank and
then used for personal wants. This teaches the value of a dollar.
4.
Relationships. One
area most parents fail to address is how to successfully manage the emotional
drama of their peers. Many parents simply tell their teen to ignore their
friends and move on. However, there are other skills other than ignoring a behavior
that can be learned such as negotiation. This environment is perfect for
testing a teen’s ability to mediate friendships. Successful completion of this
skill could lead to job opportunities in the future.
5.
Clothing. The
care and management of clothing and other personal items should be taught early
in the teen years. Even tweens can purchase their clothes (within a budget), do
their laundry, iron their clothes, and sort through items that need to be
discarded. By the time they are in their late teen years, parents should not be
doing any of this. This further encourages autonomy.
6.
Time. Even
adults struggle with time management skills. Parents, in an effort to assist,
sometimes go too far by taking over the teen’s schedule. This is not productive
in the long run because a teen needs to acquire these skills for themselves.
Trying and failing is part of learning and far better done now than as an
adult. Time management is a skill that is developed only with practice.
7.
Career. The
early tween years are too early to begin the discussion of career options. But
by the middle of high school, some vocational opportunities should be
discussed. Not every teen should go to college. There are excellent vocational
or military options better suited for some personalities. Review these possibilities
without judgement. This allows the teen to explore their interests and talents.
8.
Marriage. Far
too often parents fail to discuss long-term relationships with their teens. The
purpose of dating is to learn what type of mate will be a good match later. A
teen might think a certain personality is desirable until they begin to date
and realize that it is not a good match. Sometimes this discussion is put off
for later, but when does that time come? The teen years ae the ideal time to
explain the positive qualities of a good partner.
9.
Politics. While
many people consider politics to a taboo subject, teens must be educated in the
politics process. At 18 years old, they have the opportunity to express their
views and opinion via voting. Even if the parent and teen do not agree,
conversations about the subject are needed to form firm opinions. This teaches
a teen that their opinion does matter and can even influence a nation.
10. Critical thinking.
Starting a twelve, critical thinking skills begin to form. Throughout the teen
years, this is either encouraged and reinforced or shut down. A parent that
insists they know best all the time limits a teen’s ability to grow in their
own logical skill set. Even if a teen makes an error in judgement, this is an
excellent learning experience and teaches natural consequences.
To schedule an
appointment with Christine Hammond, please call our office at 407-647-7005.
