5 Ways Narcissists Smear Others
By: Christine Hammond LMHC
Being the victim of a
narcissistic smear attack is not fun. Rather, it is an intense campaign
designed to humiliate an opponent while simultaneously elevating the
narcissist. It requires quite a bit of skill, manipulation, and persistence to
successfully pull one off. But for the victim, it can be a shocking and
damaging experience.
In an unwanted pending divorce
situation, narcissists will frequently smear their spouse to others while
begging for reconciliation. At work, a narcissist might slander a person they
believe to be a competitor for a promotion to ensure their success. Or a
narcissist’s insults can tear apart the best of friends so they can step into
the damaged relationship as a hero.
Depending on the situation, a
narcissist will use all or some of these six smear tactics. Remember, a
narcissist’s greatest fear is to be embarrassed by having their insecurities
exposed. Therefore, they will use whatever tactics are necessary to preserve
their superior self-image. For
explanation purposes, the pending divorce situation will be utilized to further
clarify smear attacks. Understanding how a narcissist smears others is
essential in preventing the attack from further damage.
1.
With Friends. During
a night out with friends, the narcissist makes passive-aggressive comments
about their spouse. This is done to see which friends might be sympathetic
towards the narcissist. Then the spousal remarks escalate to sarcastic,
demeaning, and even humiliating observations. The spouse usually reacts either
by shrinking away from the friends or lashing out verbally towards the
narcissist. Either way, the narcissist has won their point as the spouse has
only affirmed the derogatory statements further isolating the spouse from their
friends.
2.
With Family. One
of the goals of a narcissist is to quarantine their spouse from the support of
family especially when said family doesn’t like the narcissist. They begin this
by smearing the spouse’s family to spouse claiming that they are dysfunctional
and have a secret agenda to not see them happy. Then they charm the family and
claim the spouse is dysfunctional while seeking out incriminating background
information to be used against the spouse later. This pits the spouse against
their family and vice versa adding to the segregation.
3.
At Work. When a spouse works,
the narcissist views their employment as a threat to their authority and
influence. Therefore, they are constantly looking for ways to tear down their
spouse’s work place as well as the spouse’s ability to work well. Any and all
injustice that the spouse reveals is highlighted and retold in an exaggerated
manner. The narcissist makes comments about work taking advantage of the spouse
and is quick to point out narcissism in the spouse’s boss or other employees.
This is done to create a hostile environment for the spouse at work. Sometimes,
the narcissist will even contact employers/employees of the spouse under the
guise of “helping” but it only stirs up trouble for the spouse.
4.
With Neighbors. The
charming ability of most narcissists is remarkable as they easily transform
from angry spouse inside the house to perfect neighbor outside. This flawless
performance is the ideal groundwork to emphasize their spouse’s overreactions.
They will claim their spouse is crazy by siting some visible tantrums while
minimizing their contribution. Then they will even instigate their spouse to
anger, draw them outside of the house, and place the whole episode on display
for the neighbors. Any and all efforts made by the spouse to explain their
behavior come off defensive and subsequently deceitful.
5.
At Court. A
favorite smear tactic of narcissists is the abuse of the court system. There
are excessive law suits with little to no grounds designed to intimidate and
scare their spouse into submission. During a divorce proceeding, it is
customary for them to bury their spouse in unnecessary and irrelevant
paperwork, constant resetting of demands, and going back on agreements made
during mediation. If there has been a medical or mental diagnosis, the
narcissist will exploit that for their own purposes as well with no regard for
the privacy of their spouse.
To schedule an appointment with
Christine Hammond, please call our office at 407-647-7005.