The 9 Stages of Sexual Harassment
By: Christine
Hammond LMHC
Twenty years
ago, men were the thought of as the main perpetrators of workplace sexual
harassment with women as their victims. Having been one of those victims in two
separate work industry environments, with a boss and co-worker, the
demoralizing encounter left a scar. It was frustrating to be recognized not for
my hard work but rather, my appearance and naivety.
But as with
everything else, times have changed. There are now mandatory trainings on the
subject, reporting is semi-confidential, and awareness has increased. But
unfortunately, the perception that it is dirty old men sexually harassing young
women has remained. This could not be further from the truth. Women can be
perpetrators and the harassment is not confined to heterosexual interaction.
Regardless of
the players or their sexuality, the pattern is the same for the perpetrator. I
have seen this entire pattern happen over a period of years or as short as a
couple of hours. It depends on the agenda of the perpetrator and their level of
skill.
1. Belief. In order for a perpetrator to walk
through these steps, they must first believe that they are entitled to whatever
or whomever they want. This process demands confidence and arrogance to be
executed fully. It takes practice to perfect their assault especially with
sexual harassment warning posters in a workroom. There are many missteps and
almost victims along the way.
2. Awareness. In the first stage the perpetrator
becomes aware of their potential victim. There is most certainly a one-way
sexual attraction in which the victim is completely unaware. The perpetrator
cannot get the victim out of their mind and often fantasizes about having sex
with them. The role of perpetrator to victim is one of dominance to submission.
The perpetrator wishes to dominate the victim into submission. This is about
power and control, not love.
3. Glimmer. The perpetrator will have a glimmer in
their eyes when near the potential victim. This is the first warning to the
victim that they might be a target. Unfortunately, the perpetrator often
misreads signals the victim is sending back. While the victim might be acting
friendly, the perpetrator views this as a sign that they can proceed.
4. Game. Now begins a cat and mouse game of sorts
in which the victim unknowingly participates. To reaffirm the dominance, the
perpetrator will show off their power, influence, money, position, or control
over the victim and others. They will create opportunities to assert themselves
in positions of authority in front of the victim. Then they will retreat,
assert, and retreat again. This is done to lure in the victim and generate
interest.
5. Innuendo. Every now and then, the perpetrator will
drop an inappropriate line in the middle of a work related conversation with
the victim. Most victims are so caught off guard that they quickly dismiss the
suggestion. But the perpetrator is studying the victim’s reaction like a hawk.
The more shocked or surprised the victim reacts, the more enticing it is to the
perpetrator. Strangely enough, the excitement often disappears if the victim
reacts expectantly because this does not fit within their dominance/submission
game.
6. Brushes. Seeing astonishment in the victim’s eyes
with the innuendos, the perpetrator moves to physical touch. It might be an
accidental brush against the victim, a demanding hug, an unwanted back rub, or
a hand placed on the thigh. Most victims freeze in moments like this which
further draws in the perpetrator who views this as a sign of compliance or
worse desire. With each physical contact, the boundary of acceptability is
stretched more and more.
7. Gifts. One of the easiest ways to continue to
lure in a victim is gift-giving. This could be something small such as a card
or obvious such as a potential promotion. Usually the perpetrator will offer
something in exchange for overlooking their advances. It is not commonly openly
stated, however, some well advanced perpetrators will be bold enough to admit
it. But only to the victim. If caught, they will deny everything and blame the
victim instead.
8. Isolation. In order for something to happen, the
perpetrator must physically isolate the victim. This could happen behind a
closed office door, during a private lunch meeting, or at an overnight business
trip. The first time the two are together, it is all about creating a “safe”
environment. The perpetrator, sensing the victim’s level of discomfort, may pull
way back to give the victim time to let their guard down.
9. Assault. When the victim least expects it, the
perpetrator will attack. Their boldness in this moment will be appalling. The
victim will feel as though they have no option especially given all of the
advances and gifts they have let slide at this point. Remember the perpetrator
has imagined this moment for quite some time and put a great deal of thought
into planning this attack. So they will be over-prepared for any response
including complete deniability should the matter come forward. All of the
previous steps are done to discourage and intimidate the victim into submission.
If you find
yourself as a victim, unknowingly in the middle of one of these steps, there is
time to get away. Tell a trustworthy friend outside of the workplace first
before notifying human resources. You will need the support as the perpetrator
is confronted. Don’t let the perpetrator get away with their harassment, remember, they have practiced on several others before
you.
To schedule an appointment with Christine
Hammond, please call our office at 407-647-7005.
