Showing posts from January, 2017

Can a Narcissist Be Remorseful, Empathetic, or Forgiving?

By: Christine Hammond, LMHC
Try to point out a narcissist’s mistakes and the attack is likely to be returned with force. Expect a narcissist to show understanding during a difficult time and the conversation will quickly be turned back towards the narcissist. Ask a narcissist to forgive an error in judgement and a detailed accounting of all blunders will be recounted. Within the definition of narcissism is a lack of remorse, empathy or forgiveness. Narcissists have a fantasy view of themselves where they are all powerful, knowing, beautiful, and influential. Even when reality might prove otherwise, their distorted perception of self greatly contributes to egocentric behavior. So if everything is about them, then why does a person need to admit to wrongdoing, show compassion for others, or release the wrongs of others? In the eyes of a narcissist, they don’t. However, when it is to their advantage, a narcissist can demonstrate limited amounts of remorse, empathy or forgiveness. Here is wh…

22 Key Factors to find a Coach who can challenge you toward greater results

By: Dwight Bain, LMHC
If you want a better life you must have a better coach because if you pick the wrong one you will not experience the results you want. In fact if you have a bad coach you may have to fire them. Don’t worry – A non-performing coach knows you will fire them since coaching is about results for the client, nothing more, nothing less.   So how can you find a better coach? Here are the action steps to help you, and those you care about , find a coach who can challenge you to climb higher, dream bigger and accomplish more than you could have ever done alone. Start with the basics in your own life and ask the following - 1. Are you “coachable,” that is, do you seek out coaching and respond to critique? 2. Is your life emotionally and relationally stable? 3. Are you ready for a coach? 4. Do you have the time to take on new projects? 5. Are you eager to move past the roadblocks toward experiencing your potential? If you answered ‘Yes” to at least 4 of these 5 questions then move fo…

It’s Time to Banish New Year’s Resolutions

By: Christine Hammond, LMHC
One of the most difficult therapeutic processes is confronting the forgotten oaths/promises/resolutions a person has unconsciously internalized which continue to cause harm. Oaths are made to never forget the pain of a broken heart. Promises are forged of not turning into a dysfunctional parent. Resolutions are created out of childhood trauma.
Then ironically, as if one broken desire is not enough, society encourages the pattern to restart every year. In Roman mythology, the god Janus (believed to be the root of January) is known for transitions from old into new. People would make promises to the god at the start of the year. This is the origin of the New Year’s tradition. But just because something has been done for centuries, does not mean it needs to continue into the future.
According to the University of Scranton, Journal of Clinical Psychology (2016) research, 45% of Americans will make a New Year’s resolution but only 8% will achieve it with 24% having…

Five Ways a Narcissist Comes Unglued

By: Christine Hammond, LMHC The angry outburst of a narcissist is like a two-year old temper tantrum. It appears out of no where, creates an unnecessary scene, and shocks others into inaction. It is the ultimate in selfish behavior as everything immediately becomes about them and what they want. Just like a child, a narcissist cannot tell the difference between what they need and what they want. The two things are exactly the same and as such an angry rant is sparked by both. There are five main reasons for a narcissistic temper tantrum: 1.Shattering their fantasy - Two year olds think imaginary, not logically. Narcissists also have a distorted perception of reality where they are all powerful, beautiful, knowing, authoritative, and right. Any shattering of that fantasy is met with immediate anger. 2.Revealing their insecurity – At the heart of every narcissist, is a deep rooted insecurity that causes shame or doubt such as abuse. Most of the displayed grandiosity is an effort to cover u…

Signs of stress in children following a major Crisis

Sometimes parents need help identifying stress in children or teens. Here are some typical experiences and signs of stress in children of different ages who have experienced major crisis.
INFANTS AND TODDLERS ·Regression of sleeping, toilet training or eating; slowing down in the mastery of new skills ·Sleep disturbances (difficulty going to sleep; frequently waking) ·Difficulty leaving parent, extreme clinginess ·General crankiness, temper tantrums, crying
3-5 YEARS ·Regression-returning to security blankets/discarded toys, lapses in toilet training, thumb sucking or other age inappropriate behavior ·Immature grasp of what has happened; bewildered; making up fantasy stories ·Blaming themselves and feeling guilty about how the crisis affected their family ·Bedtime anxiety; fitful/fretful sleep; frequent waking or chronic worrying ·Fear of being abandoned by both parents; clinginess increases as child feels unsafe ·Greater irritability, aggression, or temper tantrums, especially from previously qu…

How Narcissistic Parenting Breeds Devastation

By: Christine Hammond, LMHC, NCC
Ideally, a child is given the freedom to explore and express their individuality so they can develop into a confident and well balanced adult. This nurturing environment prioritizes the needs of the child over the parent without overindulgence. But this is not the case when one parent is a narcissist. Most children are unaware their dysfunctional narcissistic parent as they fully accept the parent’s false perception of reality. However, when critical thinking kicks in around age twelve combined with the increased influence of peer relationships, things begin to change. Healthy parenting views this process as a natural progression of becoming an adult while narcissistic parenting views the transformation as threatening. As a result, the narcissistic parent will either withdraw completely or they attempt to control the teen through degradation or humiliation. But this is just the start. When the teen becomes an adult, the years of narcissistic parenting re…