Top 10 Holiday Defense Mechanisms
By: Christine Hammond, LMHC
For many, the stress of the holidays is
overwhelming. The anticipation of family gatherings alone can
create anxious, tense, and uncomfortable responses. Then there are the personal
expectations of gift giving, the lack of appropriate boundaries of friends, and
the increased tension of an end-of-the-year work cycle.
Sorting through these conflicting thoughts and
emotions can be difficult. Fortunately, Freud identified common coping
strategies that many people utilize which he referred to as defense mechanisms.
Here is a list of ten typical holiday defense mechanisms:
1. Denial. At the top of the list is a concept of refusing to accept
that anything is wrong or needs to be handled. Denial is very powerful because
if something doesn’t exist then it doesn’t have to be addressed. A person may
deny that anything is different after losing a family member, forbid discussion
about touchy subjects, or reject a new person in their life that is
displeasing.
2. Regression. This is commonly seen when an adult child
returns home for the holidays especially if the home is one they lived in at
some point. Instead of acting like an adult, the adult child becomes child-like
in front of their parents. An entirely different person may appear much to the
surprise of a spouse or their own children. Trying to point out the change in
behavior may be met with a child-like temper tantrum.
3. Projection. Making accusations about another person that
are really about the accuser is projecting. This is typically seen alongside
addictive behavior. Addicts toss their issues onto others in order to divert attention
away from their dysfunctional behavior. By pointing out and talking about
another person’s drinking habits, the conversation and realization of their own
drinking is sidetracked.
4. Avoidance. Rather than deal with any of the stress of
family, friends and work during the holidays, some avoid gatherings all
together or attend very briefly and depart quickly. By making excuses for
non-participation, issues are successfully evaded.
5. Disassociation. From the view of another person, this might be
a difficult one to identify. The disassociating person momentarily loses
connection with reality, as if outside of their body. This is usually triggered
by an anxious moment or a panic attack unnoticed by others. A person disassociates
to avoid obvious outward anxiety as a self-protective device.
6. Idealization. One of the easiest ways of coping with a
difficult past is to think the holiday memories were better than they were.
Idealizing is also referred to as historical revisionism. The brain blocks out
difficult times and only remembers the positive because the past was too
traumatic. This is commonly seen in abusive home and work environments.
7. Introjection. This word is not commonly used in our
vocabulary. Projection is putting things on another person; introjection is internalizing
other’s comments. This can be particularly damaging when the statements are
critical and the person then believes the remarks to be true, even when there
is evidence to the contrary.
8.
Passive
aggression. When another person sparks an angry emotion, a
passive-aggressive remark is sometimes used instead of an aggression. This
comes in the form of biting sarcasm, intentional prostration, and convenient
forgetfulness. Sometimes negative comments are made behind the other person’s
back.
9.
Somatization.
This manifests through real physical symptoms which are actually rooted in a
mental condition such as anxiety, depression, guilt, or anger. A person may
have an intense upset stomach, not from the food, but rather from anxiety over
seeing someone else they did not want to see. Because this is difficult to
diagnose, the default should be that the symptoms are rooted in a physical
issue before jumping to a mental issue.
10.
Wishful
thinking. Believing that this holiday will be the best
ever without any evidence to support it is wishful thinking. While at first
this may seem to be a positive defense mechanism, it can be disastrous. The
potential letdown from an unrealistic fantasy is like falling off a steep cliff
and could take much longer to recover from than a more realistic viewpoint.
Learn to identify your own natural defense
mechanisms before picking out others. This is more about understanding how
stress is managed rather than finger pointing.
To schedule an
appointment with Christine Hammond, please call our office at 407-647-7005.
www.lifeworksgroup.org