How Sociopaths Deceive Others
By: Christine Hammond
Ever wonder how
a person was able to earn trust so quickly and then exploit it for their own
benefit? Perhaps they stole money, took over a business, or openly violated
ethical conduct codes. One day they were a best friend and now for no apparent
reason, they make themselves an enemy. Even now, it is hard to imagine that
they were not the person they presented. How were they able to be so deceptive?
Anti-Social
Personality Disorder (ASPD) is the technical definition for sociopathic and
psychopathic behavior. Imagine ASPD as a spectrum where there is evidence of
subtle to extreme versions of the behavioral dysfunction. Sociopaths are
generally thought of as a milder type than psychopaths. This makes them harder
to recognize in the average work environment. So how do they do it?
1.
Survey - Sociopaths begin their deception by carefully observing
their new environment. Since most sociopath burn up relationships fast, they
are frequently forced into new surroundings in order to survive. They look for
potential targets: those with money, power, position or anything the other
person has that the sociopath wants. Sociopaths scrutinize the target’s
friends, work habits, routines, family, strengths, weaknesses, and social
affairs. Basically, they are stalking their prey.
2.
Scoping – After choosing the target, sociopaths
scope out an informant. This person usually has the dirt on everyone, likes to
gossip, and puts themselves in the middle of things. The sociopath will quickly
become best buddies with this person in an effort to glean as much information
as possible. In the future, they will use this relationship to disseminate bad
intelligence about others.
3.
Chameleon - Sociopaths literally transform
themselves into the most attractive version of self for their target and the
informant. For instance, if their prey likes to rescue people, the sociopath
will need to be rescued. If their victim likes independent gregarious people,
they will become that. The interesting part is that sociopaths can be two
completely different personalities within the same environment.
4.
Seducing – Once the sociopath feels they
understand their target, they begin a seduction. It usually begins with making
small talk about a hobby or other interest. Then they use that incident to
initiate further contact alternating between praising the target and asking for
their advice. Shortly thereafter, the sociopath shares some made-up secret
personal fear or anxiety to draw the target further in. If the victim responds
with any degree of kindness, they proceed to the next step. If the prey repels
the sociopath, one of two things happens: either the sociopath will move on or
they will refine and intensify their approach.
5.
Courting – This is a one-way dance where the
sociopath does all of the work. They magically appear where the victim is, they
seem to be friends with the same people, and they often invite themselves to
meetings, projects and events. The sociopath escalates the praise to a level of
adoration which draws in the target even more. Their charm is enticing and
disarming so the prey begins to feel at ease with the sociopath.
6.
Isolating – The sociopath begins to use the data
gathered from the informant to isolate the target from friends or co-workers
who may try to protect them one day. These are subtle non-flattering comments
made about the friends or co-workers which are easily countered if confronted.
The intent is for the victim to feel betrayed by their friends while learning
to solely rely on the false loyalty of the sociopath.
7.
Vengeance - Anyone who tries to stop the sociopath
along the way will be met with swift and severe revenge, threats, or
punishment. They will use tactics such as inappropriate rage, the silent
treatment, intimidating stares, twisting the truth, and playing the victim card
to manipulate others into compliance. By this point, the sociopath has too much
invested in the deception to walk away. So instead, they push away protectors
while pulling in the target.
8.
Projection – Here is where things become tricky. The
sociopath now secretly turns on the victim to the victim’s friends and
co-workers by projecting the sociopath’s selfish motives onto the victim. This
completes the betrayal cycle. When the sociopath removes themselves from the
environment, everyone’s fingers will be pointed at each other with none pointed
at the sociopath. This sets the stage for the final act.
9.
Deceit – Now the sociopath is free to embezzle, exploit, take over
a business, and/or commit acts of fraud or felony. Because all eyes will be on
the fight between each other and not on the sociopath. By the time the dust has
settled, the sociopath will be long gone with whatever money, power, position,
or prestige they desired.
At any point in
the game, this can be stopped. But it usually takes an outsider looking in on
the situation to bring about clarity. Sociopaths should be taken seriously and
treated as potentially dangerous.
To schedule an
appointment with Christine Hammond, please call our office at 407-647-7005.