Why Are There So Many Narcissists?
By: Christine Hammond, LMHC
Narcissism seems
to be on the rise. Teachers are frustrated by children who believe they are
entitled to an excellent grade for substandard work. Parents are annoyed by
teens who believe they are wiser than their elders. Employers are aggravated by
employees who believe the rules don’t apply to them. Spouses are shocked when
the charming person they married turns into a raging bully.
“The
children now love luxury. They have bad manners, contempt for authority; they
show disrespect for elders and love chatter in place of exercise.”
This was written approximately 400 B.C. by the Athenian philosopher
Socrates. Yet many would believe it intended for this generation.
So why does it
seem like there are so many narcissists? Here are a couple of possible
explanations.
1.
Social Media. The mass influence of social media has
introduced a perfect narcissistic breeding ground. A person can be anything and
say anything they want without ever having to verify or produce evidence. They
can photo shop selfies, plagiarize quotes, make grandiose statements, exaggerate
achievements, and accumulate supposed “friends” all while maintaining a safe
distance to prevent any real intimacy. And sadly enough, the more dramatic or
shocking the comment, the more attention a person is likely to amass. This
“attention” feeds the narcissistic ego and emboldens them further.
2.
Culture. Our current culture encourages and even
rewards narcissistic behavior. As a general rule, narcissists love to be in the
spot light. Their superior ego arrogantly believes they are “above others” and
being recognized for their achievements propels them. Movies glorify egotistical behavior,
narcissistic politicians rise to the top of the pile, the music and sports
industry indulges selfishness, intimidating bosses receive promotions, and
arrogant professors rewrite history. Self-aggrandizement is viewed as a
necessity and narcissists are masters at this.
3.
Economy. There is nothing like an economic
downturn to remind society the need to depend on one another and create an
atmosphere of humility. When everything is well, selfishness and
self-sufficiency become the norm. A narcissist conceitedly believes that the
reason they are prosperous is because of their own efforts. During a bear cycle,
even the most accomplished of individuals tend to struggle and are forced to
work more productively with others. This keeps a raging narcissist in check so
the disorder is not so prevalent.
4.
Parents. This is a difficult section to address
as the intention is not blame parents for all narcissistic behavior. However,
it is important to note that some parents do encourage it even if it is not
intentional. Kids will make mistakes, hopefully many while they are growing up.
The essential process of making a mistake and suffering the consequences
teaches kids responsibility, self-control, humility, team work, excellence,
industriousness, initiative, and autonomy. Parents, who remove the consequences
(either natural or unnatural) prematurely because they feel sorry for their
child, stun the growth of their child and create an entitlement philosophy.
This is the beginning of narcissism.
5.
Role Models. Perhaps the saddest of all the above
sections is this one. Too often parents, teachers, employers, and society hold
up narcissistic individuals as examples to follow. On the surface they look
amazing with astonishing accomplishments matched with excessive recognition.
But a quick examination into their personal lives reveals troubled personal
relationships, lack of empathy of others, estrangement from family, and no real
intimacy. These role models become the standard for excellence, achievement,
and perfection.