7 Ways a Boss Can Be Abusive
By: Christine Hammond, LMHC
Usually, abusive behavior is discussed in the context of a marriage
and parent/child relationships. But in reality, it can exist anywhere, even in
a work environment. Many larger corporations address obvious abuse such as hitting
or screaming though the human resource department. Yet few acknowledge the more
subtle methods of abuse some bosses employ. Here are the seven ways a boss can
be abusive.
Physical. Their
posture is an aggressive stance or intimidating stare. They might even stand
over the employee while talking to intensive feelings of domination. Some limit
the ability to leave office by physically blocking doorway. Shoving or pushing occurs behind closed doors
with no witnesses. Even the room temperature can be increased to uncomfortable
levels to further agitate the employee.
Mental. A rage
occurs out of nowhere in private causing the employee to fear being alone with
the boss. Some use gaslighting
technique to abuse by lying about the past to make the employee doubt their
memory, perception, and even sanity. Giving employees the silent treatment,
twisting reality to avoid blame, and projecting their negative behavior onto
employees are other tactics.
Verbal. They praise
employees in front of others but privately are belittling, demeaning, bullying,
and degrading. An abusive boss frequently interrupts,
talks over, withholds key information, and interrogates. Typical browbeating includes sayings like:
“If only you would…, then I won’t have to be this way,” “The problem with you
is…,” and “That (verbal abuse) didn’t really happen.” There is no apology, only
threats of being fired.
Emotional. Some bosses nitpick employees apart, belittle their accomplishments,
aspirations, or personality in front of co-workers. Teasing, sarcasm, or gossip
is commonly used to degrade and mock. They embarrass employees by sharing
private information without consent, treating employees like a child, or
exposing some shameful event. Often in a passive-aggressive way, they remind
employee of their shortcomings. They treat employees as inferior by holding
them to an unrealistic, unattainable or unsustainable standard and gloating
when they fail.
Financial. They like to use an employee’s need to earn money as a
weapon by refusing to pay what is due, knowing the
employee’s vulnerable position makes it unlikely that they will retaliate. They
rewrite the rules to avoid paying bonuses, tell employees they can never earn
any more money, make it difficult for employee to earn degrees, or limit
employee’s ability to advance their career. The employee might be put on overly
strict budget while the boss spends excessively.
Sexual. They suggest
an employee dress provocatively to attract clients or hint that an employee
should have sex with a client. Sometimes they tell inappropriate sexual jokes, knowing
this bothers the employee. The more foreboding abuse involves asking for sexual
favors in return for a favorable review, coercing employees into performing sexual
acts, and threatening loss of job if sexual favors are not performed.
Spiritual. They refuse
to give religious holidays off, such as Yom Kippur, when requested. Employees who don’t comply with the boss’
beliefs are seen as disobedient. A boss may insult the religious choices or
practices of employees or treat employees as less because of differing
religious views. They might isolate employees from other co-workers due to
religious differences. Spirituality or religion may be used as justification for
performing abuse acts.
These abusive behaviors may begin cunningly and then
escalate further as time goes on. It is similar to bring a pot of water to a
boil over low heat. The change is not noticeable day-to-day, but reflecting on
it over a longer period of time can reveal the abuse.