The Single Best Piece of Advice I Can Give You For This New School Year
By Laura Hull, LMFT
Coping Coach
I might as well disclose upfront that I am the proud mother
of six wonderful kids. My two oldest
sons started college last fall on the same day my youngest child started
Pre-Kindergarten. It was the first time
in 18 years that a school year had begun and I had an empty house for a few
hours per day. I am not ashamed to admit
to you that I was in the throes of a “woe is me” pity party. I am not one of those mothers who count down
the days of summer vacation, eagerly anticipating and then rejoicing as the
summer break comes to an end. I always
miss my children when the school year begins.
I miss them terribly. But last
fall was particularly harsh. The
realization that my first babies were in college and my last baby was not a
baby anymore was like a cold smack of reality right in the middle of my mother
worrying, stress-lined face. Friends, let
me just tell you. I was in a bad way.
I tried to drown my sorrows in greasy cheeseburgers and reality checks (and
counseling go-to speeches) along the lines of “This. Is. Normal.” “It won’t feel so bad tomorrow.” “They will
always need me, but in a different way.”
Ok, there was not enough cheeseburgers and girl talk in the world that
could have made that day any better. I
will concede to being at the beginning of a three-day funk. Those days were
LOOONG! It seems hard to believe that
it’s been a full year since those dark and dreadful days of cheeseburgers and
tears.
I am not sure what was more jolting to me - my oldest
starting college or my youngest child leaving for Pre-K. I would probably say my oldest sons starting
college threw me back into memories of being a much younger mother. I had very poignant moments of questioning
“where was I and what was I doing when they grew up all of a sudden?” Of course, the answer is that I was right
there beside them. I was a stay at home
mom until my oldest son was 11 and even now only work part time. I am very blessed that I have been able to
stay home so much with my children, and my profession allows me that
flexibility. But in those moments I was
stunned at how quick their childhoods went by and are still flying by for my
younger kids.
It is so cliché to say, “it all goes by too fast”. But I will join the chorus of middle age
parents who bemoan the speed with which time is racing by with our kids in tow.
Having said this, I am going to bestow
on you the best piece of advice I can give you, as both a professional and a
mother: hit the brakes. Find a way to
live your life at a less frantic pace. I
used to dread the hurry and chaos of school day mornings (and in truth, I still
do at times). But now the demands of our
schedule and our pace fluster me much less often. I can see that by stressing out as much as I
did, I allowed our routine to rob me of some of my joy in raising my
children. The world doesn’t end if the
house isn’t perfectly clean. The world
does not end if we are occasionally
not on time. Weekends should not all be
about ballgames and house chore catch up.
HIT THE BRAKES.
It makes me a bit sad when I hear parents speak of dealing
with their children in ways that resemble herding cattle, with about as much
joy involved. The years of childhood
will go by quickly whether you enjoy them as a parent or not. My home is always loud. We have eight people bustling in my home
during the evenings when everyone is home.
It’s alive with laughter, noisy conversations, and the sounds of
life….happy engaging and the sounds of a family who love each other
dearly. I was keenly aware of how quiet
my house was the first day all my kids were gone. It felt like I was walking around in a
tomb. I got a glimpse of what the empty
nest feeling is probably like, and I am not in a hurry to get there, though it
is just around the corner, really.
Commit this new school year to enjoying your kids. The time you have with them during these
school years is so very brief in comparison to the years they will live away
from you. Slow life down enough to
actually enjoy it. Do not over-commit
your time in ways that make it hard to enjoy time with your family.
Make each child feel special and make a point to touch base with each of
them individually, each day. You will
never regret the time you spend with your children in ways that create special
memories. You may very well regret the
time you didn’t give if you don’t make a conscious effort to slow down
now.
Make the time.