How to Write an Effective Email at Work When You are Angry
By: Christine Hammond, MS, LMHC
There is no doubt you have seen a few poorly written emails
that resemble verbal vomit from an angry person. While you might even understand their
frustration, you in no way want to come across quite as gross. Instead you wish there was a way of
communicating your anger that gets results without a trace of verbal
vomit. There is.
It is as simple as a fast-food hamburger. Take a moment and think of a fast food place
that has a hamburger with meat in the middle and a bun on the top and
bottom. Most likely you will not take
the bun off the hamburger meat and eat just the meat. Why? Because the meat tastes gross (think fast
food, not the good kind of burger), that is why it has the bun to make it more
palatable. In fact some buns even have
sugar on them to improve the flavor.
Top Bun. The top bun is the fluffy part and is the
best place to start. Begin your email
with a compliment of sorts such as, “Thank you for your trust in my ability to
handle more work.” The compliment does
not need to be long, just honest. In the
moment of your anger, this might be the hardest part of your email to write but
if you can put aside your anger for a few minutes, more than likely you will
come up with one compliment. Don’t be
sarcastic; sarcasm is suppressed anger and is not effective in the workplace.
Meat in the Middle. The meat in the middle is the issue you need
to address. Your next sentence is the
bottom line you need to communicate: “I will not be able to complete the
project you just handed me because my workload is too heavy.” Resist the urge to over-explain or to address
more than one “meat,” instead keep it simple and to the point, remembering to
state the facts. Don’t add any emotion
to the meat as it will come off sounding like you are whining. This statement might require several
revisions before you can accurately communicate the bottom line without any
fluff, but it is worth the effort.
Bottom Bun. The bottom bun is another compliment that
ties everything together. “I’m sure we
can work towards a solution that works for both of us.” This bun is meant to be the base of the whole
matter, much like the bottom bun holds up the entire hamburger. Finding a way to work together is at the heart
of the matter and from this the other two parts are effectively supported.
This same method can be used to communicate with your
spouse, your child’s teacher, your client or anyone who might cause you some
frustration. Not only does it work well
in emails, it is equally effective verbally.
And hopefully you will never look at a fast food hamburger the same way
again.
