Struggling With Parenting? Direct Parents are Motivating
By Chris Hammond
When your child comes home with a bad grade on a test, you
sit them down immediately and try to help them set new goals for improving
their grade. You explain about the
importance of setting long-term goals and how their current behavior is not
consistent with what they want out of life.
You never miss an opportunity to encourage and motivate your child to
become what you already know they are capable of becoming. But there is no doubt during the moments of
disappointment and stress that your child’s wishes and opinions are second to
yours. After all, you are the parent and
they are the child.
You are a Direct
Parent. As a direct parent, your
favorite questions will be centered around the word “What”. What are you doing? What are you trying to accomplish? What is
your point? You are goal-oriented, focused, and motivating but you can easily
overpower your child to the point of bullying and therefore miss an opportunity
for tenderness, compassion, and mercy.
If your child is like you, there will be numerous arguments in a
constant struggle for control.
The Good. You are very good at helping your child set
realistic goals, modifying those goals to address new circumstances and
motivating your child to keep going when the going gets tough. Your child will always have some sort of
direction, even if you have to decide it for your child because no direction is
failure and failure is not acceptable.
There are rules in your home and your child knows them, is reminded of
them and has consistent consequences if they are violated.
The Bad. You can overpower your child to the point of
bullying. Your desire to help your child
is genuine but to your child you sometimes come across as harsh, uncaring, and
unsympathetic. This is justified in your
mind as proper training for the real world that your child will one day face
however you don’t fully listen to your child so your training may actually be
misguided. Listening requires time,
understanding, and patience as information that is forced out of a child can
cause them not to trust you in the future.
The Ugly. Playground bullies are a pain but they are
nothing in comparison to the parent who is a bully. Yes, your child is a child and they need
guidance but the guidance does not have to be pushy, demanding, or belittling. A child who is bullied by a parent, usually
acts out and bullies younger or weaker kids.
As an adult, they will bully subordinates or co-workers. In the end, no one likes a bully.
Understanding your parenting style is not about beating
yourself up and or pointing fingers at your spouse. Rather it is about understanding your natural
strengths and weaknesses so you can build on the strengths and minimize the
weaknesses. Remember, direct parents are
motivating so be motivating and minimize the bulling.