I Just Have a Little Apathy, But So What..
By Matt Sandford, LMHC
Okay, so I spend some of my free time playing Halo or
Facebooking. So what!? Okay, maybe it’s a little more than that. Okay, maybe
it’s a minor obsession; get off my back! I’m just having fun and blowing off
steam. Because my life is really stressful. I have to figure out where I’m
going in life. At least, that’s what I’m told. I think. (I tuned it out awhile
ago, but I think they’re still droning on about it.)
Apathy in the young crowd today is as common as cheap sex, as
common as credit card debt, as common as short shorts and too big pants, as
common as whatever fad is popular at the moment. Although I am not suggesting
that apathy is a fad. Yeah, maybe we could chalk it up to being a normal
adolescence phase. But I’m guessing that many of you are finding that that
doesn’t sit well for you. Particularly because that phase is lasting longer and
seeming to be more pronounced that if it were simply a “phase”.
And if you are a parent of a late teen or young adult
struggling with this or if you are that teen or young adult, then you may be
frustrated. Let’s face it, apathy is a problem. Well, if you’re in it yourself
you may or may not think it’s a problem. But it probably presents problems in
the form of parents bugging you about it. Let’s take a look at the nature of
the problem and then I’ll offer some approaches to dealing with it.
What’s Going On?
I certainly won’t claim that I can succinctly and completely
explain all of the workings and nuances of current apathy in our culture. But I
will make some suggestions. I will break it up into a couple of groupings, or
types of issues.
1.
Loaded or Overloaded
In Kevin DeYoung’s book Just Do Something,
which is about discerning God’s will, he says that for most young folks there
are so many more options than there were a couple generations ago; too many
choices presented. What do you usually do when you are bombarded with more
choices than you can take in? Maybe we back up and slow things down? Maybe we
run? Maybe we just randomly pick one? Or maybe we freeze? What if one element
at least has to do with this sense of being overwhelmed by all the options,
decisions, choices, and possible directions. And then on top of that, I am
wondering if there is a sense in our culture today that the consequences are so
much more dire as well. That that young person is feeling that they only have
one shot at getting it right – that is, finding the path that will make money,
make a difference, do something they are good at, enjoy and brings lasting
satisfaction. Oh and make my parents proud (or get off my back, or stop
worrying about me). That is a lot of pressure. Sometimes we conclude that if we
can’t make the grade, we won’t bother to show up for the tryout.
2.
Limited
Now let’s go the other way. What if, among
all the myriad of choices that are out there presently, that you believe your
options are limited by your situation. Maybe you don’t think you are smart
enough, or good looking enough, or skinny enough, or popular enough, or
talented enough, or positioned to get onto the track that you long to get on.
From your perspective you’ve been dealt a crappy hand and there’s nothing you
can do about it. So why try?
3.
Loss
Here’s another category. What if something
has come along and hindered your path? Maybe you were on the right track and
things were going well. But then something happened. A loss of some kind. A
disappointment. Maybe your family went through divorce, or someone who believed
in you, like a grandparent, died? Maybe you experienced rejection from someone
close to you, like a boy or girl friend or a sibling? Maybe you tried out for
something and didn’t make it? Maybe it was a personal failing or weakness of
yours? Maybe you got caught and experienced humiliation? Or it could have been
something traumatic or something evil, like abuse? But something took the air
out of your sails and now you’re just drifting. Motivation is long gone.
What is apathy really, other than a loss or lack of hope?
Hope produces motivation, hope keeps dreams alive or awakens us to new dreams,
hope wakes us up in the morning and hope keeps us going when it’s hard and the
road is long. But when you are overwhelmed
with pressure, or you feel boxed in by your situation, or have lost something
or been victimized, hope can seem more like a taunt from those more fortunate
or maybe from a God who doesn’t seem to care.
When hope has been lost, what really matters? Exactly. Not
much. Achievement, striving, virtue, long term goals, even love. They all seem,
well, a lot of bother. But fun – now that’s something you can wake up for. Why?
Because it distracts me from the weight of dragging myself around through a
life that is devoid of hope, and offers me a reprieve in the now. And without
hope all I can live for is the present moment. There are those who talk about a
way of experiencing life in which one embraces the moment and how this is a
mark of maturity. But, that is sadly not what this type of living for the
moment is. Because this type is more running from the future and often the past
and so the person of apathy does not live in the moment in freedom – but rather
through avoidance.
I believe the key to overcoming apathy does not lie in
simply finding something to get excited about, although developing new goals
can revive some hope in us. Overcoming apathy is more about understanding the
source of one’s apathy and choosing not to run away from those emotions,
thoughts and beliefs that got us there. You see, working through the negative
emotions of anger, sadness, disappointment, regret, resentment, or to sum these
up – grief and loss – is the way to free our hearts to hope again. This can be
a painful process. But don’t run from it.
This would be a new kind of hope different from what you may
have experienced before. Maybe before your hope was built on rosy
circumstances, or your talents, or your socio-economic background, or your
intellect, or your experience? See the trend there? Your, your, your. Hope
placed in ourselves – when overrun can be devastating and drain the life out of
us. And, it can help us to find hope in something more secure and more worthy.
Dig deep and allow your apathy to direct you to the fountain
of hope and water that truly satisfies. And I’m not really getting preachy
about coming to Jesus here. Not in the getting saved sense. I guess this is
more a getting saved from your apathy sense. I think a lot of folks who have
Jesus haven’t quite figured out how he saves from loss and apathy and
aimlessness and lack of desire.
But I think that was what he meant in the first place.
Don’t get me wrong. I am not advocating a Jesus who fills
our happy cup and came to help us fulfill all of our desires. Hardly! Jesus
came to remake us and to get into us true desires that bring true fulfillment.
Because he knows what would be fulfilling better than we do!
There is no better place to go when you need to grieve than
to the guy who knew how to suffer better than anyone. He really does want to
lift our apathy – by giving us the hope that we need.
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