How to Stay Married to an Attorney Part 2
By Chris Hammond
Just in case you missed this other key fact while being
married to an attorney here it is: law firms change the way you work. Many law firms operate on the concept of
billable hours which are the hours an attorney works that can be billed directly
to a client. Even firms that do not
charge by billable hours, operate on this same basic principle.
Here is how it all breaks down. Not all hours spent at the firm are billable
so in order to maintain an average of 2200 hours per year or 183 hours a month
or 9 hours a day, most attorneys find they are at the office 3058 hours per
year or 255 hours a month or 13 hours a day.
This does not include commute time, sick days, training days, funerals,
or client development. If you don’t
believe the validity of these numbers or the expectations, here it is in detail
from Yale Law School: http://www.law.yale.edu/documents/pdf/CDO_Public/cdo-billable_hour.pdf.
Time=Anxiety. If however reviewing these numbers gave you
an anxiety attack, then you are a tenth of the way to understanding the amount
of pressure your attorney spouse is under on a daily basis. Time becomes a commodity
of sorts because everyone is happy when billable hours are adequate and unhappy
when they are not. That blank stare your
spouse gave you the last time you asked for help cleaning out the garage was an
attempt on your spouse’s part to mentally calculate where the most anxiety will
be generated from, work or home. More
anxiety at work if time is spent on the garage verses more anxiety at home if time
is spent at work.
Time=Expectations. The expectation to perform consistently is
high at work and if your spouse was not obsessive about their time before becoming
an attorney, they will become that way now.
Everything at work rises and falls on the value of your spouses’ time which
is precisely why excessive time expectations at home are met with such
resistance. When every minute at home
has an expectation attached, when is there down time? When does your spouse get to relax and recoup? Home should be a place of rejuvenation not
additional demanding nagging expectations.
Time=Money. Time spent at work equals money earned and
the converse is true as well: time not spent at work equals less money
earned. Suppose the lawn needs to be
mowed and it takes one hour to complete the task. That translates into one less hour at work or
one less hour with the family. Most
likely you can hire someone to mow the lawn for less than your attorney spouse
earns in the same hour. However, if you
expect your spouse not to work or mow the lawn, then understand there will be additional
financial consequences. The equation is
simple: more money means more time at work, less money means less time at
work.
Time=Pressure. It is the constant pressure to do well all
the time. This pressure at first is external but after
several years of being an attorney, it becomes internal. As an attorney, you cannot be off your game
for even one day or there could be consequences far beyond financial. So when the pressure at home is greater than
the pressure at work your spouse will remain at work because an overworked
attorney can at least receive a monetary bonus for the added pressure. However when the pressure at work is greater
than the pressure at home your spouse will come home because the additional
money will not be worth the extra time away from home.
Once you understand how your spouse views
work through the lens of being an attorney, it will become easier to anticipate
and correctly interpret the blank stares over the messy garage or the sighs
over mowing the yard. These are not
signs that you are being ignored; rather your spouse is being very analytical
and not emotional about the work that needs to be done, just like at work. Don’t let your emotions get the best of you
in the process of communicating with your spouse.