Beating the Blues of a Deployed Spouse
Brian M. Murray, MS, IMH
Having a spouse or loved one who is deployed either in the
military, as a missionary for a church or on assignment with company related
business then chances are at some point the blues will kick in missing that
other person. For the person who is deployed or on assignment the trip is often
like an adventure staying busy and focused on the task at hand. Adjusting to
other cultures and travel become time consuming. For the person at home life
goes on as usual minus the spouse. After a little bit of time the at home
spouse begins to feel the void and time missed spent with the other person.
This is often when the blues kick in really missing them being a part of their
everyday life.
Deployed spouse blues is similar to depression in how it is
handled. Isolating and spending too much time alone leads to similar symptoms
of depression. It is different however as the blues are just that, feeling down
by longing for what is missing. Depression comes with a set of specific
criteria that defines it as depression. Some of the overlap of the deployed
spouse blues versus depression are poor sleeping habits, feeling sad or empty
for most of the day, feelings of restlessness or slowed down, easily fatigued
and diminished concentration. The reason for this is the distraction of
thoughts of the other person being gone and adjusting to living life without
them for period of time. Suddenly the home becomes a one person responsibility.
Children, pets, maintenance and everything else that goes along with running a
household can become difficult.
So if a person is feeling bluesy from a spouse spending
chunk of time away from home what can be done about it? Interestingly, the
solution is the same as depression. Get busy! Do not isolate or shrink back
from friends and family. If anything engage more than before. Do not skip
social functions or call in sick to work. Often there is time when spouses
spend time together such as in the evening hours. Fill that time with other
activities so as not to fill that time with the emptiness and lonely feelings
without the other person there. Take walks, go to the park, library, bookstore,
exercise or something else during that time preferably outside of the home and
if that is not an option then find projects to work on at home. The idea is to
create a distraction.
Now for some good news. Feeling the loss of a deployed loved
one is an indication of love for the other person. Understanding that feeling,
that void, shows just how much the other person brings meaning and joy to your
life. Spend some time reflecting on the relationship and allow yourself to
embrace the moment when the two of you will reunite. Sometimes spending time
apart helps the heart grow fonder and for the long haul can greatly enhance a
marriage.
One last suggestion, before the other person gets home, take
some time a few days out to prepare the home for their return. To give an idea
of what this might look like think in terms of a mini-honeymoon. Don’t just
tell them how much they were missed, show them and let them see just how very
much they are a special part of your life.
About the author- Brian M Murray is a devoted professional helping people overcome
difficult obstacles in life. He is a Registered Mental Health Counselor Intern
located in Orlando and Winter Park Florida working as a counselor in a private
practice setting at The LifeWorks Group.
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