Why Some People Feel They Never Do Anything Right


By Chris Hammond, MS, IMH


“I can’t ever do anything right.”  While this seems to be an overgeneralization and certainly there is some evidence to the contrary, there really are people who do believe that they can’t to do anything right.  Perhaps you are married to someone like this, have a friend who says this frequently, a coworker who complains that nothing they do is ever right or you catch yourself saying those words.  And while arguing the points of the matter is unproductive, what does make sense is trying to understand where such thoughts may be coming from and how they can be changed.

The fourth stage of Erik Erikson’s Psychosocial Development is Industry vs. Inferiority which occurs during the prime school age of six to twelve.  During this time, most learning is root memorization and children have an amazing ability to grasp large quantities of information.  This is why the show, “Are You Smarted Then a Fifth Grader” is so interesting.  Industry is the ability to develop some pride in the work a child does separate and apart from their parents’ expectations.  Inferiority arises when a child has been told the quality of their work is not good enough or they are not capable of doing as well as other children.

The Psychology.  This is a time in a child’s life when they are most likely to try different sports, begin to like one subject over another, develop friendships at school outside of parental involvement, and start to question “why is it this way”.  While they ask the “why” questions now, their ability at this age to reason has not fully developed yet.  If the child feels a sense of accomplishment, believes they are capable of doing a good job, or finds value in their natural abilities then they will develop a sense of industry.  If however the child believes they are inadequate, produce poor quality work, or are weak compared to others then they will develop a sense of inferiority.

The Teenager.  As the child grows into a teenager, the sense of industry propels them to work harder in the areas that they already excel naturally in doing.  They may be excellent basketball players so now they work harder to achieve a goal of a scholarship and take pride in their ability to dunk a ball.  The teenager who develops a sense of inferiority sometimes shuts down and refuses to perform because they believe their work to be inadequate.  Or they do just enough to get by, never really trying to excel at anything because they are afraid of the pending rejection if they fail.

The Adult.  A sense of industry will serve an adult well as they need little micromanagement to accomplish a task.  They are confident in setting goals and while they may not achieve them every time, they still keep on trying and generally enjoy doing some type of work.  A sense of inferiority keeps an adult tangled in a web of fear: if they don’t do a task, they will be rejected by others; if they do a task and it works, it is never good enough; if they do a task and it doesn’t work, they will face rejection again.  So they opt for the easiest way out which is to do nothing and usually end up with jobs that are far beneath their level of ability. 

The Cure.  One of the hardest concepts for an inferior feeling adult to grasp is understanding that everyone is unsure about themselves from time to time.  They have so internalized the feelings of inadequacy that they believe others really are better than them because they have more talents, gifts, opportunities, friends, and support.  Ideally, the inferior feeling adult needs to realize that they do have a purpose in life and they do have special talents to match that purpose.

By explaining that God created everyone for a purpose and then equipped them with unique talents to serve that purpose, a person can be transformed from inferior feeling to productive.  Once one area of their life has been transformed, the other areas will follow and the adult will have a new sense of how they fit in the world around them.

 -------------------------------------------

Reprint Permission- If this article helps you, please share it with your own list at work or church, forward it to friends and family or post it on your own site or blog. Just leave it intact and do not alter it in any way. Any links must remain in the article. Please include the following paragraph in your reprint.

"Reprinted with permission from the LifeWorks Group weekly eNews, (Copyright, 2004-2011), To subscribe to this valuable counseling and coaching resource visit
www.LifeWorksGroup.org or call 407-647-7005"

About the author-
Chris Hammond is a
Registered Mental Health Counselor Intern at LifeWorks Group w/ over 15 years of experience as a counselor, mentor & teacher for children, teenagers & adults.

Popular posts from this blog

Understanding Schizotypal Personality Disorder

Coping With a Grief Anniversary: 7 Tips