Personalities: Do You Know Someone who is Super Sensitive?

 

By Chris Hammond, MS, IMH

Sensitive Suzie comes home sulking desperately wanting to head straight for her room after a long day of managing everyone else’s problems.  She is exhausted from all of the confrontation and just wants to escape to her own little cocoon but knows that her family needs her so she puts off her alone time till later.  “Why can’t everyone just get along?” she says, “Life would be so much simpler if everyone just worked together instead of fighting all the time.”  But the distraction of her family manages to put a smile on her face and soon she decides that she really doesn’t need the alone time after all, just a few hugs and kisses from her kids do the trick.  However the frustration builds inside and while Suzie ignores it, the kids begin fighting over the last piece of garlic bread.  Before long she finds herself exploding over the garlic bread while her family looks at this unknown person who never seems to get upset over anything.  Knowing she has disappointed her family Suzie turns her anger inward to an even greater sense of insecurity and inadequacy.

Sound familiar?  If so, then your someone is an “S” in the DISC personality profile which is “Steadfast”.  Their motto in life is to “Keep the peace” and for them having a calm atmosphere at all times in all circumstances is the most important element.  They are the most sensitive of the bunch and can perceive things that others just overlook so they make excellent negotiators, mediators, and parents.  Slow, steady, straight, and calm are the ways they approach nearly every new circumstance and certainly every conflict.  For them, the only way to handle a problem is to deal with it calmly; otherwise, they run from all aggressive attacks and retreat into their safe shell of isolation.  They accomplish all kinds of work done without any complaining, arguing, debating, changing the method, or asking for other’s input.  Instead they just do the job well, quietly, and without rocking the boat. 

As a Spouse.  They will dutifully do what is expected without being asked and will take pride in a house well run without any conflict.  But that is the key; there can be no conflict because if there is, they have failed in their mission to keep the peace.  You see, they work so hard to keep everything on an even level that if it is not, they take it personally and blame themselves for the failure.  There is no point in accepting responsibility for the failure as they will not hear a word, the only way to resolve the issue is to calm down and reduce the conflict.  They will remain calm most all of the time but watch out, if pushed too far, they will explode like a volcano and then hate themselves for causing the conflict propelling them to retreat.

As a Friend.  They are the most loyal and faithful friends you could possibly imagine who will always get you the perfect gift because they have put a ton of time and thought behind it.  This is how they demonstrate to you their dedication to your friendship and no matter how many years may have passed they will happily restore the friendship to the same level it was before.  But if you betray them, be warned because they do not tolerate any disloyalty and will cut you out of their life if needed to protect themselves or the people they love.  They can become very self-protected when attacked and sometimes this looks a lot like selfishness.

As a Co-Worker.  Who can ask for a better co-worker as they will make the office run smoothly without a hitch no matter what level of stressful situations are looming over the horizon.  They are wonderful organizers, do things without being asked, finish other’s tasks without complaining, and maintain a good attitude.  But if they feel for one second that you don’t appreciate them or value them, they will quit without notice and leave you hanging.  To keep them happy, don’t recognize them in public as they will hate any attention being drawn to them but rather give them a bonus, privilege or gift as this is of far greater value then public recognition or a title.

As a Child.  They are the quiet ones who do everything the teacher asks and are usually the favorite friend, student, or even sibling amongst the competition.  But don’t tell them it is a competition or they will run the opposite direction as they don’t want anyone to feel left out or a loser.  They are not likely to enjoy winning for the sake of beating someone else up but rather they enjoy winning to know they have outdone themselves.  While on the surface they may seem organized, buried deep in their drawers or under their bed is a huge mess they are hiding from everyone.  If you publically announce it, they will never forgive you but if you privately address the matter, they will correct it.

This personality becomes incredible diplomats, mediators, office managers, human resources, and administrators.  They have enough detail skills to work with overly detail-oriented personalities without getting obsessive about it and enough people skills to work with overly friendly personalities without failing to complete a task, but they have no tolerance for the overly aggressive personality as they will see them as a bully.  So the next time you come across a Sensitive Suzy, handle them with care and they will care well for you but handle them with force and they will bite back.

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About the author- Chris Hammond is a Registered Mental Health Counselor Intern at LifeWorks Group w/ over 15 years of experience as a counselor, mentor & teacher for children, teenagers & adults.